Nervous virgin..

losttimetraveler

Both my fiance and I are waiting for the wedding night to engage in any sort of sexual activity for religous reasons.
I'm nervous. I know something that most girls now days go through at a young age, but it still... I grew up in a very sheltered home and although I know the mechanics and have read a few stories (romance novels, mostly) but I know that fiction isn't always the best indication of real life indication.
I know that its likely to hurt the first time (especially since I'm a rather small woman.. and he's a big guy) and be uncomfortable the next few times. Its also likely to be very awkward.. />.>
So, if anyone has any tips on making this less painful and awkward, I'd appreciate it.

acaponi87

-go slow
-use lube

it probably won't be the greatest thing the 1st time but remember it's something that really is wonderful and it definitely will be special since your first time is with the love of your life.

Talk about it beforehand with your future husband. When I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time I could tell he was sad afterward..we were both virgins and like in your case, he was quite big. He felt like he had disappointed me..which was ridiculous. 2 virgins getting together is going to be awkward. I don't know what he thought was going to happen! But that's part of the fun. Laugh about things. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other physically. Like I told my bf I enjoyed it because it was getting to be with him and that was what was important. You've waited a long time..just relax and enjoy.

Good luck!

AdeleDazeem

Don't expect it to be like the movies.  The first time is awkward and hurts. 

The day of your wedding is going to be filled with lots of stuff and you will probably be exhausted by the end.  Don't put a lot of pressure on yourselves to make it this big romantic moment. 

I agree with the PP in that you both should relax, go with the flow, laugh at yourselves when things are funny, and just get to the know each other.  This is the beginning of your sexual lives together, not the finish line.  It will only get better and better!

RamonaFlowers

Ditto PPs, just throw out any idea now that it's going to be this "wonderful" experience ... it's going to be a little uncomfortable, and it's going to be awkward. I know, that's not really encouraging, but that's the ugly truth.

Just try to take things slowly, and do not put pressure on yourselves about making this "the greatest moment of your lives" or something. Be vocal when something isn't working, be able to laugh at yourselves, and most of all, understand that like everything else you do in life "practice makes perfect".

cwaggoner07

Agree with all PP. You'll remember it because it's special, and it's your first time, not because it's mind-blowing. I waited until I was 25, and it was REALLY hard for me to get comfortable, and I had known FI two years at that point, so you're going to be uncomfortable no matter what. Everyone has a first time... but it's the second, third, and all the times afterwards that are great.
Just relaaaaax... and think... even if it's not smooth, and kinda funny, there's no way it will be a bad memory.

rlavach

You can also post this in the Christian board under "Cultural Wedding Boards" on the left column. There are many women there who are or recently were in your situation. 

achiduck

I agree with PPs lots of lube and open communication.

And to be honest, I hear that most couples are so exhausted after the wedding night, that I would even put a lot of pressure on yourselves to have sex that night. It's prefectly ok to wait until the next morning after you've both had a solid sleep.

em01092

Ditto PPs. As long as you realize it's probably not going to be super awesome the first time, you'll be fine. It will be awesome in its own way. 

Also, your marriage is not doomed and there is nothing wrong with you if you don't orgasm from sex the first time. I started having sex at 16 and couldn't climax from sex for years. I think you have to be comfortable with yourself and know what position works best for you, and that probably is going to take longer than 1 night. 

BrightFirefly

I totally agree with everyone psedo-suggesting the possibility of waiting until the next morning - or when ever the mood strikes ya.

Any sex when you're tired/stressed/overwhelmed usually isn't good - so I can't imagine the first time being thrilling when you feel this huge amount of pressure to get it done.

artbyallie

Vaginas are one-size-fits-all. I assume since you're holding off on all sexual activity, you haven't even seen his penis, so don't even worry about that now. Bigger guys are not necessarily better-endowed.

Don't even have sex at first. Get comfortable doing other things, just touching and so on. Actual sex is very non-intuitive, so make sure you understand the mechanics of both of your bodies. I recommend scarleteen.com for some informative reading.

Don't try to plan when you're going to do it because you'll get nervous. I did, and our first attempt on our honeymoon ended with me crying because it was just impossible. For that matter, you won't be successful at it every time. And that is not your fault or his either. It just happens sometimes.

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-virgin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d243e818-4e27-4ed7-8a06-d9a3e69a0d72Post:a83d5c06-35e1-4975-a9cf-402104801f04">Re: Nervous virgin..</a>:
[QUOTE]Vaginas are one-size-fits-all. I assume since you're holding off on all sexual activity, you haven't even seen his penis, so don't even worry about that now. Bigger guys are not necessarily better-endowed. Don't even have sex at first. Get comfortable doing other things, just touching and so on. Actual sex is very non-intuitive, so make sure you understand the mechanics of both of your bodies. I recommend scarleteen.com for some informative reading. Don't try to plan when you're going to do it because you'll get nervous. I did, and our first attempt on our honeymoon ended with me crying because it was just impossible. For that matter, you won't be successful at it every time. And that is not your fault or his either. It just happens sometimes.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

This. Vaginas are stretchy.  They're designed for penises and babies, therefore, both will fit in there.  Focus on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and not tensing them up.  If you use tampons, it's kind of the same idea where you have to relax in order to get it positioned correctly. 

Take lots and lots of time to just play with each other and explore (if you haven't already done any of that yet).  The more excited and worked up you are, the easier it is.  It's okay to laugh at yourselves.  It's good to be able to laugh together!  Sex isn't always all candles and romance and lighting.  One of FI's and my first times together, he got a bad charley horse cramp in the middle of things, and ended up hopping around the bedroom naked and half-hard, screaming 'ow ow ow ow (cuss word) ow ow ow".  Once the cramp was gone we laughed ourselves silly about it (and started over again, lol).  So, it's all good.  And it does get better with practice.

monkeysip

PPs are wise.

FI and I are in basically the same situation, although we have been physical in other ways, just no sex yet.  

I would definitely recommend just getting used to each other's bodies first.  Spend some time exploring and just being close and intimate.  I've heard it might be a good idea on the wedding night just to take a nice bath together.  That way you guys can relax after a long day and get used to each other's bodies.  Or you can cuddle naked or anything else you guys feel like doing.  Either way, you don't have to jump right into sex.  Just let yourselves become more comfortable, and COMMUNICATE.  That's so important.  That way you guys both know what the other is feeling or if something is uncomfortable.  Don't be afraid to be honest, to laugh, to be playful.  There will be fumbling, there will be mistakes, and sex only gets better with practice!  

katslack

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-virgin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d243e818-4e27-4ed7-8a06-d9a3e69a0d72Post:46fe98c5-4406-4a5b-81e4-32fb960bed21">Re: Nervous virgin..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nervous virgin.. : This. <strong><font color="#ff0000">Vaginas are stretchy</font></strong>.  They're designed for penises and babies, therefore, both will fit in there.  Focus on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and not tensing them up.  If you use tampons, it's kind of the same idea where you have to relax in order to get it positioned correctly.  Take lots and lots of time to just play with each other and explore (if you haven't already done any of that yet).  The more excited and worked up you are, the easier it is.  It's okay to laugh at yourselves.  It's good to be able to laugh together!  Sex isn't always all candles and romance and lighting.  One of FI's and my first times together, he got a bad charley horse cramp in the middle of things, and ended up hopping around the bedroom naked and half-hard, screaming 'ow ow ow ow (cuss word) ow ow ow".  Once the cramp was gone we laughed ourselves silly about it (and started over again, lol).  So, it's all good.  And it does get better with practice.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

freakin hilarious

Tahlora

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-virgin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d243e818-4e27-4ed7-8a06-d9a3e69a0d72Post:ee065c60-8f7b-4f66-b0e3-6207b7ff8a2a">Re: Nervous virgin..</a>:
[QUOTE]PPs are wise. FI and I are in basically the same situation, although we have been physical in other ways, just no sex yet.   I would definitely recommend just getting used to each other's bodies first.  Spend some time exploring and just being close and intimate.  I've heard it might be a good idea on the wedding night just to take a nice bath together.  That way you guys can relax after a long day and get used to each other's bodies.  Or you can cuddle naked or anything else you guys feel like doing.  Either way, you don't have to jump right into sex.  Just let yourselves become more comfortable, and COMMUNICATE.  That's so important.  That way you guys both know what the other is feeling or if something is uncomfortable.  <strong>Don't be afraid to be honest, <u>to laugh</u>, to be playful.  There will be fumbling, there will be mistakes, and sex only gets better with practice!</strong>  
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Remember movies, any kind, do not portray sex like it actually is for most people. I know I spent awhile trying to do everything 'right' and felt silly when I relized FI didn't care about how my make up or hair looked. And lube, it might be akward, but i think its better to have a few seconds of akwardness than any more pain than nessecery. And it might not hurt as much as your afraid it will. Everyone is different. My first time vs my sisters first are so different there is barely a comparision. And there are some wonderful websites and books out there, my favorite is called, how to tickle his pickle, title was the only reason I bought it orriganaly, but the author is really good at making you relax and laugh as you read. I can't remember what the title of the other one I read by her but it was more about getting to know your partner and how to make it mare enjoyable for both people.

AmJam04

I agree with all PPs.
But I'd like to emphasize the "not-forcing-it" advice. Nevermind that you two will be EXHAUSTED at the end of the night, but putting yourselves into a mentality of "we have to do it tonight because we're supposed to" is totally going to kill it for you.

If you two get to the hotel and have that special desire right then and there, then go for it. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with waiting until the next day!

Also, don't let the whole "it's going to hurt" mentality get you nervous. It really won't HURT (although, it does vary depending on the person) but it may be a little uncomfortable. Just make sure to communicate with your partner to get him to go slower or give you a break once in awhile. If you need it, DON'T BE ASHAMED OF LUBE. lol. I personally like KY yours and mine (hot and cold sensations. oooooo!)

Just have fun! Sex doesn't have to be so serious!

crbhipraz

I'm in the same boat as you! But, I will say that reading the Act of Marriage really helped me. It's written by a Christian man and it is very informative.

Hope that helped, I forgot who it's by- our Pastor recommended it.

KelaRenee

It shouldn't hurt bad, mostly it will just be uncomfortable, but if you are really worried about it hurting, visit your gynecologist and see about getting your hymen cut.  That way there's no barrier the first time you have sex.

2012FutureMrsB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-virgin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d243e818-4e27-4ed7-8a06-d9a3e69a0d72Post:2337729e-d6b3-4682-adb6-a17204d39816">Re: Nervous virgin..</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I was in a similar situation just 6 months ago. I would check out the book <strong>Sheet Music</strong> and the website <a href="http://www.themarriagebed.com." rel="nofollow">www.themarriagebed.com.</a>
Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

Yes! OP, my FI and I are also in the same situation as you. Not sure of your religious background, but FI and I are both Christians and are still virgins. Many other Christians have recommended the book "Sheet Music" and I just ordered it a few minutess ago through Amazon - one for me and one for FI. I read a few sample pages and WOW! I can tell it's going to be a really helpful book for us! I strongly recommend getting it also.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-virgin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d243e818-4e27-4ed7-8a06-d9a3e69a0d72Post:46fe98c5-4406-4a5b-81e4-32fb960bed21">Re: Nervous virgin..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nervous virgin.. : This. Vaginas are stretchy.  They're designed for penises and babies, therefore, both will fit in there.  <strong>Focus on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and not tensing them up.</strong>  If you use tampons, it's kind of the same idea where you have to relax in order to get it positioned correctly. <strong> Take lots and lots of time to just play with each other and explore (if you haven't already done any of that yet).  The more excited and worked up you are, the easier it is.</strong>  It's okay to laugh at yourselves.  It's good to be able to laugh together!  Sex isn't always all candles and romance and lighting.  One of FI's and my first times together, he got a bad charley horse cramp in the middle of things, and ended up hopping around the bedroom naked and half-hard, screaming 'ow ow ow ow (cuss word) ow ow ow".  Once the cramp was gone we laughed ourselves silly about it (and started over again, lol).  So, it's all good.  And it does get better with practice.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

THIS! Make sure he "warms you up" or it will hurt. If I am not ready it still hurts, and I have been having sex for 4 years. Lube helps but if your body isn't ready, it is going to hurt on the inside. If I remember right, when a woman is ready to go,her vagina actually thins out gets longer. Basically it prepares itself for a man's penis. (I can't research it at the moment, I am at work! :P)