Tough situation...

Mrs Babs

So I need your thoughts ladies. OK background... I was raised until about age 12 by my mom and then after that I moved in with my dad and stepmom and they raised me until I went to college. I get along great with both my mom and stepmom. They both are like "mom"s to me and both raised me. They get along to a point but there's always been a little animosity. So I've been dreading the hole MOB thing b/c they are both the MOBs but I don't want there to be hard feelings. Anyway, so I just realized that with the unity candle, the mothers are supposed to light the candles. I have 3 mothers technically. Do I have both my mom and step-mom light the same candle together or do I have 3 candles? Should I have my MOH and Best man do it? Any thoughts are appreciated! TIA!

JessnJamesNH

I think it would be beautiful if both your mom and step mom went up together to light your candle. They may not be the best of friends but this day is not about them and they need to put any animosity for each other on hold until your day is over. I would highly recommend having a conversation with your mom and step mom before hand to be sure that they can both handle this situation. If not maybe your mom could light the candle and have your step mother do a special reading during your ceremony.  I personally think the three candles would be confusing. It is YOUR wedding and you can do what ever your heart desires.

lizzytish1002

uhhhg. That is a sticky one. Technically it really should be a family member - represents two families becoming one right?  Not to say you can't do whatever you want though it is your day! Could you have them both light one candle together? Is there one of them you could talk to honestly about it?  It might be nice to be able to bounce it off you stepmom or maybe your dad? Yikes.  Or is there another part of the ceremony one of them can participate in like a reading.  Would you consider being 'given away' by your dad and one of your moms? I think it's fantastic that you have TWO moms that you want to be a part of this special day, although blessings like this can add more stress too. GL with this tough situation

Mrs Babs

I'm hoping that they will both be honored to light the candle together. That is probably what I will end up doing. I will talk to them both beforehand and make sure they are both OK with it though.

maggiecroteau

That is a really hard one.  At my sister's wedding she just had my mom and her FMIL light the unity candle.  My step-mom still got a corsage, but it was REALLY important for my mom that she be the only MOB.  Maybe you can have an open and honest conversation with your Mom to see if it is really important that it just be her.  If your mom will not be hurt by it, you can definitely have three people lighting the unity candle.  If your mom clearly expresses that she doesn't want to share MOB duties, it gets tricker--since the unity candle is for bringing families together, maybe you could have the dads do it...

manna1212

I am also very close with my step-mom and wanted her to be just as big of a part of my weddinga as my mom was. Both of my moms actually got along great at the wedding...I was really pleased! I would see if both of them can light the candle.However, I do understand that sometimes your birth mom wants to be able to do these things alone because she did give birth to you and feels it is her right. IN these situations, what I have done in the past is talk to my step-mom and tell her how much I appreciate her and would love her to be a part of this day, but I need to allow my mom to do it. My step-mom has always understood and it has never been a problem. YOu can always do something special for your step-mom if that is the case.Good luck, I completely understand how big of a pain this can be at times!

AniseJ

You could have your mother light the candle and give a rose to your step mother