Groomsmen problem

clabodda

 Is there a way I can deleate a post I put on here?

ElleB87

It sounds like your FI's friends has made up his mind. I would tell your FI to let this guy go, it sounds like he has no interest in being a part of your FI's life or the wedding. It's also considered rude to keep backup wedding party members on stand by.

TiffannieF

*fiance (not fiancee)

*denied (not denyed)

Your FI's friend declined.  Although its unfortunate AND your FI should pursue to repair their friendship he should not push to have him in the wedding.

Your brother can stand on your side, it will be sweet and I'm sure he'll love it.  I asked my brother to stand by my side, he was super stoked. 

Sydney91

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:a8d4f7cc-ee97-497c-a4fc-4cafc1578f69">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Groomsmen problem : Your FI asked and the guy declined. He should let it go. There is a very good chance he doesn't support your marriage because of what you said in the past and doesn't feel like he can stand up in the wedding. Just ask your brother to be in the wedding. Sides don't have to be even.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
Listen to Milk Duds!

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:ce1f2f4c-18b2-46da-8fd0-8bbc5bc39588">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]It was his wife that I had some issues with. Not so much the friend. Its rude of his friend to take this out on him, when he had nothing to do with it.
Posted by clabodda[/QUOTE]

Well I'm not so sure about rude but more immature.  However, my H would stand up for me and not like anybody I asked him to...as I hope your FI will do for you.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:fc59790d-6a8a-47c2-a3f5-a3e80a689e96">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]She said some things to me that I questioned. What she exactly ment and what her intentions where. its not that I didnt like her. Her and I talked on the phone a couple weeks ago like normal people. She was actually crying because her husband denied my FI`s. She knew that he made a bad choice.
Posted by clabodda[/QUOTE]

Not that anybody was asking for details but...if your FI wants to ask him again in a couple months (how far out is your wedding?) then ya.  But he shouldn't push it.  Maybe something "Are you sure you wouldn't be able to be a GM?" And if the friend says no then your FI should just say "I understand."  But that is it.  I personally do not even think he should ask again but it sounds like he probably will regardless of advice given.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:2e4cac54-6065-4736-97b4-233bf80eb8d1">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I cant control peoples feelings. they may not have to like him, but respect that we are together
Posted by clabodda[/QUOTE]

Who are you talking to?

jemmini6

It does suck if his friend declined to be in your wedding because of a squabble you and his wife had (and resolved), it's definitely immature on his part.  However, pushing the issue will only make things worse, especially if you are involved with it.  Let your FI handle this one on his own and make the decision of how to proceed.  He should focus on repairing their friendship and leave the wedding issue completely out of it, if the friend comes around, he will mention it, if not, then you just have to move on.

ElleB87

OP I'm finding it very difficult to read your posts because of the spelling errors. Please use the spell check button at the bottom (the blue check mark with ABC above it).

Meghannsix

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:fec17b09-b1c3-45d0-9c75-6fc6f0eb6077">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]OP I'm finding it very difficult to read your posts because of the spelling errors. Please use the spell check button at the bottom (the blue check mark with ABC above it).
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]
 
THIS!

caterpillar85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:26e0e4d5-6544-456d-b1d0-0aeb0a2a1bc5">Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiancee asked one of his close friends to stand up in our wedding. His friend denyed his offer and wouldnt tell him why. (A while back I had said some things and put them where I shouldnt have. I aplologized for what I said and how I did it.<strong> I was not invited to their wedding last year, only my fiancee</strong>. I feel that my fiancees friend is taking this out on him, even though he had nothing to do with it) My fiancee wants to get together with his friend and his wife and talk about things. My fiancee also wants to ask his friend again to stand up in our wedding. right now it feels like we are pulling teeth to get together. My worries are that his friend will deny the offer again or he accepts and then im going to worry that hes going to walk out because something was said. My brother is going to have a part in our wedding. But, depending on what happends with my fiancees friend, I cant tell my brother what role he has yet. Right now he feels he has no part in it all. Im really starting to get frustrated. I almost want to tell my fiancee to go on with out his friend in our wedding and have someone you know we wont have to worry about. and we are 7 months out from our wedding. Also, his friend often times has made me feel like I got in the way of their friendship. He use to come over here all the time to help work on the house go hunting. None of that anymore. My Fiancee goes out of his way to make plans for hunting and such and his friend says "yah sure Ill go" day or 2 before. something almost always comes up. WHat makes it worse is that my fiancee is godfather to his daughter (of a different mother) I want her to be our flower girl. If my fiancee wants to see her, he has to go over there to see her. or on his way home from Drill, stop over and hang out for a few minutes. Thats okay if his friend does not like me. But, my fiancee should have the right to know why he denyed
Posted by clabodda[/QUOTE]

OUCH. Either she wasn't on TK for us to tell her that is uber rude, or she was on TK and told her story about whatever you did/said and we told her to not invite you.

Also, it sounds like your FI and his "friend" have a one sided relationship... friend has cut ties for some reason (might be you, might not) and the both of you should respect it and move on. Hopefully that dinner you four are going to have will change the dynamics of the relationship for the better.

Chels&Jimmy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:03b4b131-edd2-4d05-abb4-4d564ff3b124">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I didnt ask to be told im "the bad person". 
Posted by clabodda[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't think any of the PP's were saying you are a bad person. They were just suggesting that you help your FI let it go. 
</div>

Chels&Jimmy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_groomsmen-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dc25cf4e-aee1-4919-95f8-aa9fe2961fcdPost:aca8cbbe-eaf2-4a88-8e27-d0d4e45912b4">Re: Groomsmen problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that its hard to take what someone is saying on something like this. Neither one of us has brought up the situation after his friend saying no the first time.I know my fiance wants to ask again after we all talk. my personal opinion and ive even told my fiance this. His friend has already given his answer, I wouldnt give him a second chance. Like one of the other girls responded with, have his friend be involved, just a different role. There are other people we want to be involved, but because my fiance is waiting to ask again, there are friends/family who are thinking they have no part all, in which they do.  
Posted by clabodda[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I would just ask those friends and family who you want to be part of the wedding... no need to wait, right? Hope the talk between the four of you goes well!

</div>

caterpillar85

Your op (which even though you deleted it has been quoted so people can still see it) was just a rant/story/vent so I read the whole thing and commented at what I noticed. If you had a direction or meaning I didn't see it. My bad. And if whatever you said to friends wife isn't an issue anymore then why did you bring it up on multiple occasions? I'm not trying to be rude but I just don't understand what insight you were looking for.

JoelandLeann

Why would you want someone standing up in your wedding that doesn't want to be standing up in your wedding? Sure your fiance is going to be butthurt, but it can't feel good having someone stand by knowing they don't want to be there.