Fiance over mom

andiechristinedeputy

How do I get my fiance to choose me over his mom?

MyNameIsNot

You can't make him.  That's something he has to figure out on his own.

Don't marry him until he does.

JK10910

Can you be a bit more specific so we can better assist you?

bbyckes

He's never going to.  If he's not his own man by now...

anna.oskar

Why does he have to choose one over the other?  You just need to reach a compromise.

if he always takes your mother's side, and never takes your feeling into account, i'm sorry, but you have major problems that need to be worked out.  Perhaps pre-marital counseling?

louisvillebride21

I think we need more details. A husband should always be on his wifes side (unless she's BSC) over his mom. That's part of growing up, getting married and starting your own family. But if it's something like you're insisting going to your parents over the holidays when he and his mom wants to go to his, its about compromise, not choosing one over the other.

megk8oz

I need more details before I can give a real answer.

For now I will stick with: don't marry him before this is worked out. It won't end well.

sudslover

More information would be helpful.

Does he live with his mom so his time is tied to that type of situation?  Is this his first serious relationship, and he hasn't worked out a compromise relationship with is mom?

Have you explained to him your discomfort?  Is it with one situation or every corner of your relationship?

Are there certain circumstances that you expect to have full support?  Have you shared that with him?

Are you newly engaged and expecting a drastic change from what has happened in the past?

lyndausvi

Yeah, I need more details.

anna.oskar

This is only her 2nd post.  Not sure if she'll be back

e_jakiela

Oh No! Mamma's Boy! 

It's sad to say, but my dad is a mama's boy and he has never taken my mom's side... well, recently, she said something mean about my mom and everyone knew she was wrong and my dad scolded her, but even then it was just a very delicate scolding...

I dated a mama's boy once and she was a nose-poking monster... mama's boys do not change.  We have a saying in Poland: what Jonny didn't learn from his mother, John won't learn from his wife... if Jonny did not learn how to grow up and have a separate life from his mother, you will not change him no matter what...

Seriously re-consider your decision to be with him... I know it sucks, but if you cannot live with the fact that he will always take her side, you prolly should not be with him.

aerinpegadrak

See second sig quote.  But we definitely need more details, how do you feel that he's choosing his mom over you?

squirrly

Details, please.

Jazzy_belle

You can't.  So if it's something you can't deal with I would think about that before you get married.

pag41989

More details would be helpful.

jeannigirl

I guess we should just wait to see if she comes back to at least explain a little more. Something so vaque I am not even going to give advice on. That would like be going to a counselor and saying something like this their even going to ask whats up and what is he doing that you feel he stands on side of his mom.
 
I wouldn't go so far to call him a mommies boy. We haven't even heard anything other than a question so jumping to any conclusions is putting the cart before the horse.

salt78

You can't make him do anything. He should want to do that on his own.

As PP's have said, don't marry the guy until he figures that out.

janedoe1113a

More information would be very helpful.

ashleypastori

Regardless of what's going on between you, him and Mamma, I would definately suggest pre-marital counseling if you are having major issues before the wedding.  Divorces are very expensive.

mocha beans

The details in this post are overwhelming.

jeannigirl

What details? tThere are none that I read and she hasn't even responsed to this at all has of yet.. Who knows whats going on here. I don't think one has to spill the beans but that is a broad question and she has opened herself up for all kinds of conclusions and advice. It is nice when someone can be a bit more specific in their questions and their quest for some advice.

MyNameIsNot

Sarcasm comprehension FAIL.

mocha beans

*facepalm*

jeannigirl

LOL ok I guess that one escaped me. 

noelle24

Well, going off of the myriad of details you provided, my comment is this:

If he hasn't cut the umbilical cord by now, he never will.  And you can't do it for him.