Intro and Furbabies Question

mintberry

Hi! I've been lurking on a few boards for a while now and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Julianna and my FI and I are getting married this October in NJ. I grew up in South Jersey but came to MD for college and ended up meeting my FI and sticking around We lived in his dad's basement for a year after we graduated (it was nice as far as basements go!) to save money, and then we bought an awesome house which we have spent all of our weekends over the last 1.5 years repainting and decorating! I am an engineer and FI is a public accountant. When I'm not working I enjoy watching TV while on the treadmill (the only way I'll work out!) and reading (huge Harry Potter addict). I am very much a homebody

So my question for all the furparents out there... My FI and I would very much like to get a dog, but I have exactly zero experience with dogs and FI has never owned one himself (his grandparents have 2 that he adores though). I am hesitant to get one because we are gone so much during the day for work (me ~10hrs including commute, FI usually more than that) and I worry about the logistics of this (potty needs, feeding, loneliness, etc.). I'm sure that others in this situation own dogs, and I was looking for some advice I guess. We both work too far from home to stop by during lunch to let them out, so do you let them roam the house all day? Need a doggy door for bathroom purposes? (Sorry if these are dumb questions, ha. I really have no clue.) I just wonder if at this point in our lives we aren't in a good dog-owning situation, and I wouldn't want to put a dog in an unfair situation (though it would be loved certainly!). Any thoughts on this? TIA (and sorry it's very long!)

winelover123

Hello and welcome! Harry Potter is amazing. I wish it had a longer epilogue though. That's the only thing that disappointed me about the series. As a life-long Baltimorean, how do you feel about crab cakes? To your dog question, my FI and myself are kind of in the same position. I don't think it's really fair to leave a dog on its own for that long, so even though we both really, really want one, we're waiting until my career gets going and I know my long-term schedule and FI's work settles down (he's a public account too - the hours are crazy!). If you do go ahead and get a dog, I'd suggest getting an older dog (they need loving homes too!) versus a puppy because 1) you're saving a dog (if you adopt) that might not otherwise get adopted (puppies are more popular) and 2) you don't have to potty train and 3) they don't have quite as much energy.

ETA: My parents had dogs (and still do) when I lived with them, so that's where my advice comes from!

PreDempsey

Its a tough commitment especially if you guys are gone for most of the day. If you're gone as much as you described I probably wouldn't get a dog. They're like kids and you wouldn't want your adolescent kid home alone that long. 

But your other questions:

We crated our pup until he earned the trust to be out by himself. He doesn't chew or have accidents, but if he did he'd get more time in his crate. Which wouldn't be the end of the world because he loves it in there. 

We don't have a doggy door. Potty training included teaching him to ring a bell on the wall when he needs to go out. It's a pretty neat trick. 

kmbryant2413

My very quick 2 cents: Adopt an adult! You can still make very loving memories with them even if you don't see all the -puppy- steps (and you miss the puppy potty training/chewing). Go talk to someplace like the SPCA and see if they might have a good match for you! Best of luck, and welcome.

LaSak87

Yay Baltimore...any Ravens or Orioles fans?  DH is from Baltimore and went to high school in the Towson area.
I agree about getting an older dog as your first dog, but if you are away from home for so long, it would make things really difficult.  Is there someone that could take a dog for walks during the day?  H and I both work long days but he works nearby so he comes home in the middle of the day to have lunch, hang out with the dog, and take her outside.  If a dog would just be inside, alone for those hours, I don't think it would be a good situation.  Our dog roams the house all day, but we don't have a doggy door since we don't have a fenced in yard.  If you have a fenced in yard with a doggy door, the dog could address potty needs and get exercise.  If he/she were to be cooped up for long periods of time without exercise (especially depending on the breed/mix), the dog could get pretty mischievous.

daubachsgirl23

Hello there and welcome! H and I are in the process of buying a house, so I am about to learn about the repainting and decorating weekends

H and I want a dog also!  I had a dog growing up, and I would suggest waiting until you can have more time at home to spend with a puppy.  Puppies have LOTS of energy and require LOTS of attention.  Also, make sure you have a dog that is a proportional size to your living space (don't get a huge dog for a small living space).  I like PP's suggestion of an older dog if you guys can't wait.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:034438f0-d4e0-461e-b4bf-5fadb81e8edb">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Yay Baltimore...any Ravens or Orioles fans?</strong>  DH is from Baltimore and went to high school in the Towson area. I agree about getting an older dog as your first dog, but if you are away from home for so long, it would make things really difficult.  Is there someone that could take a dog for walks during the day?  H and I both work long days but he works nearby so he comes home in the middle of the day to have lunch, hang out with the dog, and take her outside.  If a dog would just be inside, alone for those hours, I don't think it would be a good situation.  Our dog roams the house all day, but we don't have a doggy door since we don't have a fenced in yard.  If you have a fenced in yard with a doggy door, the dog could address potty needs and get exercise.  If he/she were to be cooped up for long periods of time without exercise (especially depending on the breed/mix), the dog could get pretty mischievous.
Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]

Ravens and Orioles fan right here :)

LaSak87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:7a3a2cf4-d3ed-4b15-9071-e62359da040d">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : Ravens and Orioles fan right here :)
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]
Yesss!!  And a love of wine <3

AddieCake

'ello!  I have no advice b/c I'm a cat person. I'm a cat person b/c I just don't have the energy to commit to a dog. Welcome and congrats on your upcoming wedding!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:d3620338-7170-444a-b950-cd7e56b4bbc5">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : Yesss!!  And a love of wine <3
Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]

How did you know? Mind reader! :-D I love me some wine

pokey730

Ditto on adopting an adult. FI and I have enough flexibility in our jobs that at least one of us can come home once or twice during the day to take care of the pup.

Another thing to consider is to try fostering a dog through a local rescue. At least then you'd be giving a home to dog in need, even if it's temporary, and you two can see if it's something you're truly ready to commit to. Good luck!

mintberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:7a3a2cf4-d3ed-4b15-9071-e62359da040d">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : Ravens and Orioles fan right here :)
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]

I am not much into baseball myself, but I have grown to like the Ravens! I actually grew up fairly close to where Flacco grew up in NJ, so I've become a fan of his :)

Thanks for all of the thoughts everyone! We wouldn't be opposed to a grown dog at all (I personally would not miss the whole potty training experience, or at least not the associated accidents :P), and adopting from a shelter is definitely something we would also consider. Unfortunately I don't see our work situations changing any time soon, so this is something we need to put a lot of thought into. Thanks again!

mintberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:90bd0dab-5962-4433-a7c0-4746626c1608">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello and welcome! Harry Potter is amazing. I wish it had a longer epilogue though. That's the only thing that disappointed me about the series. As a life-long Baltimorean, how do you feel about crab cakes? To your dog question, my FI and myself are kind of in the same position. I don't think it's really fair to leave a dog on its own for that long, so even though we both really, really want one, we're waiting until my career gets going and I know my long-term schedule and FI's work settles down (he's a public account too - the hours are crazy!). If you do go ahead and get a dog, I'd suggest getting an older dog (they need loving homes too!) versus a puppy because 1) you're saving a dog (if you adopt) that might not otherwise get adopted (puppies are more popular) and 2) you don't have to potty train and 3) they don't have quite as much energy. ETA: My parents had dogs (and still do) when I lived with them, so that's where my advice comes from!
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]

I am a huge fan of crabcakes! I actually never had one before coming to MD, so now I am definitely a snob when it comes to quality :) Is your FI in busy season now? My FI has been staying at a hotel a lot recently (working late and currently at a job 1.5 hrs away) so I only get to see him on the weekends. Come on April!

And thanks for your doggy thoughts!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:9a93d53c-13f7-46ec-94ae-e5aa5f05e8d6">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto on adopting an adult. FI and I have enough flexibility in our jobs that at least one of us can come home once or twice during the day to take care of the pup. Another thing to consider is to try fostering a dog through a local rescue. At least then you'd be giving a home to dog in need, even if it's temporary, and you two can see if it's something you're truly ready to commit to. Good luck!
Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

Edited: Sorry complete reading comprehension failure. I missed the fostering part in pokey's post. My bad!

mintberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:dae8dc94-ba48-4107-89cb-ef1f985df1b3">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello there and welcome! H and I are in the process of buying a house, so I am about to learn about the repainting and decorating weekends :) H and I want a dog also!  I had a dog growing up, and I would suggest waiting until you can have more time at home to spend with a puppy.  Puppies have LOTS of energy and require LOTS of attention.  Also, make sure you have a dog that is a proportional size to your living space (don't get a huge dog for a small living space).  I like PP's suggestion of an older dog if you guys can't wait. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Posted by daubachsgirl23[/QUOTE]

Congrats on your home purchase! Do you have a settlement date yet? We had a lot of fun painting and decorating at first but after a year we wished we had hired professional painters who would have had it done in a month (although we did save a lot of money doing it ourselves)! We also (still) wish the darn shelves would accessorize themselves :P GL!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:2d0d333b-a943-4319-aa23-9c3d9b836a24">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : I am a huge fan of crabcakes! I actually never had one before coming to MD, so now I am definitely a snob when it comes to quality :) Is your FI in busy season now? My FI has been staying at a hotel a lot recently (working late and currently at a job 1.5 hrs away) so I only get to see him on the weekends. Come on April! And thanks for your doggy thoughts!
Posted by mintelis[/QUOTE]

I too am a self proclaimed crab cake snob. I tried on at VA beach once, thinking, "Hey, it's not too far away from MD. They've got to know how to do it right!" Never again. He is in busy season right now though it's starting to slow down for him - he's coming home around 11 so I get to actually see him! That's a hellofa commute there - FI's only 45 min away from his job so his isn't too bad. I agree with the April sentiment!

pokey730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:35a700cb-4dac-46b9-bdd8-1ef37b7cca2f">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : Eh I feel that if you get a dog - any dog adopted or no - you should plan on it being a forever dog. If it's something you're still unsure about committing to, foster a dog or don't get one. If you want to give a dog in need something, take food or money to your local shelter instead. It makes me sad when people give away their dogs because they decided that they weren't ready to commit.
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]


I don't think there's a problem with fostering. FI and I have done it before we sold our house in preparation of a move east. Some rescues don't really have a large place to house the animals they rescue, so they rely heavily on foster parent's to care for them until they can find someone to adopt. As a dog lover, it is really difficult for me to let them go, but I feel it's a good thing to do. It's certainly better than a dog sitting in a kennel all day until the few busy volunteers they have have time to take them out for excercise.

Also, now that I reread what you posted, I think you may have thought I meant adopt, and then see if it works out. I was just recommending adoption if they were SURE they wanted a dog. Reading fail on my part.

mintberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:9a93d53c-13f7-46ec-94ae-e5aa5f05e8d6">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto on adopting an adult. FI and I have enough flexibility in our jobs that at least one of us can come home once or twice during the day to take care of the pup. Another thing to consider is to try fostering a dog through a local rescue. At least then you'd be giving a home to dog in need, even if it's temporary, and you two can see if it's something you're truly ready to commit to. Good luck!
Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

Thank you for this idea! I hadn't thought about this as being an option. I think it would be a really good place to start.

LaSak87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:22b29fbb-9155-4ce9-a0d9-3f6f4c0e8a00">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : I am not much into baseball myself, but I have grown to like the Ravens! I actually grew up fairly close to where Flacco grew up in NJ, so I've become a fan of his :) Thanks for all of the thoughts everyone! We wouldn't be opposed to a grown dog at all (I personally would not miss the whole potty training experience, or at least not the associated accidents :P), and adopting from a shelter is definitely something we would also consider. Unfortunately I don't see our work situations changing any time soon, so this is something we need to put a lot of thought into. Thanks again!
Posted by mintelis[/QUOTE]
I'm a grad student at University of Delaware so we're all about Flacco around here!

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:b0060e54-15f7-4003-956b-758ed870a05f">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : I don't think there's a problem with fostering. FI and I have done it before we sold our house in preparation of a move east. Some rescues don't really have a large place to house the animals they rescue, so they rely heavily on foster parent's to care for them until they can find someone to adopt. As a dog lover, it is really difficult for me to let them go, but I feel it's a good thing to do. It's certainly better than a dog sitting in a kennel all day until the few busy volunteers they have have time to take them out for excercise. Also, now that I reread what you posted, I think you may have thought I meant adopt, and then see if it works out. I was just recommending adoption if they were SURE they wanted a dog. Reading fail on my part.
Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

Sorry - it was my bad. I reread your post and skipped over the fostering part the first time I read it. I edited my post :-)

crystaldbl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:22b29fbb-9155-4ce9-a0d9-3f6f4c0e8a00">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : I am not much into baseball myself, but I have grown to like the Ravens! I actually grew up fairly close to where Flacco grew up in NJ, so I've become a fan of his :) Thanks for all of the thoughts everyone! We wouldn't be opposed to a grown dog at all (I personally would not miss the whole potty training experience, or at least not the associated accidents :P<strong>), and adopting from a</strong> <strong>shelter is definitely something we would also consider</strong>. Unfortunately I don't see our work situations changing any time soon, so this is something we need to put a lot of thought into. Thanks again!
Posted by mintelis[/QUOTE]

I think you should hold off on a dog until you have the time to devote to them. Also the dogs at the shelters around here are mainly pit bull breeds. I personally love pits but they are a pretty active breed. If you guys don't have the time to get the dogs energy out, it will probably find it's own way to release energy. Which will most likely be a destructive way. Whatever you choose to do just make sure you do your research.

Vivi+Pete

I'm not sure that fostering a dog would necessarily be a good idea in your situation. Any dog, maybe especially a rescue, is going to need a lot of TLC. Some rescue dogs may have come from a breeder, where they are pretty much kept pregnant and in a cage until the breeder has no further use for them. In that case you'd be getting a completely unsocialized and un-housebroken dog that needs a lot of work. You could end up fostering a rescue dog and find that the dog has special needs you weren't aware of, or has bad habits that will take a long time to break.

I've adopted two rescue dogs; one was 6 years old and came with a very detailed social and veterinary history and was very well potty trained. But she was nervous and scared, and probably wondering if I'd give her away too, and it took a while before we got used to each other. At first I kept her in the kitchen with baby gates when I wasn't home, but she figured out how to get on the other side (I still don't know how she did it), and by that time I had learned enough about her that I felt ok giving her the run of the house. The other rescue dog I adopted was 3 years old when I got her. She had been through a series of rescue organizations and foster parents, and she was a lot more difficult to train. They said she was potty trained, but they meant trained with a doggy door. I don't have a fenced back yard, so a doggy door is out of the question. I had to potty train her from the beginning, just like if she was a puppy. It took a while, and it took so much of my time. She is a wonderful little dog now and I adore her, but there were a few months where I really questioned why I had taken on such a challenging dog.

jaenella

Hi Juliana!

My two cents - I definitely second the recommendation of an adult dog as opposed to a puppy. My parents just adopted another dog who is around 8 - she's not super hyper like the puppies I've experienced, so is happy to roam the house loose and supervise the cats from her comfy bed all day! 

Fostering is also a great idea (although watch out - it's dangerous, my current dog is a foster fail!), but you'd face the same timing issues with a foster dog that you would with a forever dog (~10 hr days etc). I might look into dog-walking or dog-sitting services in your area - in mine there are a number of organizations that will take your dog out for an hour a day, or even canine 'camps' where they can be at 'day camp' on the days you'd be gone for a longer time.

Also I might do some research into breeds - breed temperament info is not a crystal ball and individual dogs differ greatly but it can give you some ideas of what dog breeds might be happier to relax most of the day and which dogs have much higher energy and attention needs.

jaenella

I wanted to add: I do agree with Vivi that fostering and adopting does come with many challenges as well - a few of my friends foster and I've seen dogs that are both amazing right off the bat, and dogs that take a lot more training. If you adopt or foster, I'd have a serious talk with the rescue organizer and disclose your situation so they can match you with a suitable dog - for example, you do NOT want a dog with separation anxiety issues.

daubachsgirl23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_intro-and-furbabies-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dee9146b-43b5-4ef3-8f13-3a757462852cPost:d8a43fae-f648-4d00-ac88-ea4df6877359">Re: Intro and Furbabies Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and Furbabies Question : Congrats on your home purchase! Do you have a settlement date yet? We had a lot of fun painting and decorating at first but after a year we wished we had hired professional painters who would have had it done in a month (although we did save a lot of money doing it ourselves)! We also (still) wish the darn shelves would accessorize themselves :P GL!
Posted by mintelis[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks! We are hopefully closing May 1st and spending the month painting/fixing up.  I am going to get out of the painting and staining, since I'll still be pregnant, so all I'll really have to do is the fun decorating! :)</div>

mintberry

Thanks everyone for all of your thoughts and experiences. We definitely have a lot to consider/research and will not be rushing into anything!

BostonGIrl4732

Hello!  I'm also an engineer engaged to an accountant.  Small world!  Other's have given great advice about getting an adult dog.  FI and I are planning on a dog after we buy a house (probably in about two years) but we have similar work hours.  I'm away from home about 10 hours, as is he.  We're going to get an adult dog.  We'll space out our vacations that year so we have time at home when we first bring him/her home.  We're also looking into dog walking services so that the dog gets plenty of exercise while we're away from the house.  FI has never had a dog before, so it's going to be a challenge for him (I've grown up with dogs).  Good luck!

Jessa617

I am not going to lie, I kind of whipped past all the other posts, so I apologize in advance if I am repeating anything:

First of all, nice to meet you and congratulations!

Owning a dog is a big commitment and a lot of work. If you want to get a puppy I would throw that right out the window if you are going to be gone at the very least 10 hours out of every day. Puppies need a lot of attention, not only to be trained correctly, but they need the constant attention to be sure they are brought up friendly and socialized. A non-socialized pup makes for a potentially dangerous adult. Depending on the neighborhood you live in and if you have a fenced in yard I would reconsider a doggy-door. If you don't have a fenced in yard or if there are ways for a dog to escape, nix this idea as well. Training a pup takes a lot of consistency, so both you and your FI need to be a united front on this (ie. no table scraps, not going on the furniture if you care about that etc.). Giving your dog table scraps promotes begging and you don't want that. Depending on the type of dog you have, they need lots of exercise and play time as well. Crate training is the best way to train a puppy, but a puppy cannot hold it's bladder for more a few hours when they are really young. If you have your heart set on a dog, I'd go with a shelter dog. An adult that has already been trained and you know whether or not it's been socialized. 10 hours is still a long time, but if you have a well-behaved dog you can bring them to a reputable day care facility so there is someone to let them out and play with them, or you can hire a dog-walker to come in once a day while you guys are at work. 

In all honesty, based on your lifestyles, I would not recommend a dog for you. If you really want a pet I would get a cat. Cats can be just as social and fun as having a dog, but without the extra needs. You can leave them for longer than a dog because they have a litterbox etc. Cats don't need to be trained to use them, it's a natural instinct. Cats would roam free for the most part, just shut any doors to rooms you want them to stay out of. 

I hope this helps. Good luck.