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Why is this about everyone but us?

I am SO FED UP WITH EVERYONE!!! This wedding has turned out to be about everyone but my fiance and I. well, not everyone, but you get the picture. First off, my uncle has been complaining about the wedding date (9/4) since we announced the date last May. If he can't complain about something, he is unhappy. First it was him asking my parents "are you really going to let her marry him?" really? now its "im not coming, im having a get together that weekend at my cabin. Im not coming." THEN DONT COME!!!! Just STOP BRINGING ME DOWN!!! Then it was my cousin/moh. "Its my birthday weekend I cant believe you would choose to have your wedding on MY birthday weekend." What are we, 8? Are you kidding me?? So I confronted her last week and asked her if she really even wanted to be in the wedding and she said she does, but is taking care of her grandma a few hours away and cant be here for me. Well we need to get the orders for the dresses in, like, NOW and she cant make it down here, and still hasnt found a place to get measured up where she is. >:( Oh theres more. None of the ushers/groomsmen have gotten measured for their tuxes yet. I know we have time, but why wait til the last minute? And one of the ushers said " i have never worn a tux as an usher, why do I have to?" BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO!!!!!! I have been so easy going about everything and literally have let everyone walk all over me, and I am DONE. This is suppose to be MY DAY. I ask for ONE day out of the entire year, and this is what I get.  I am so fed up. If I could cancel everything right now and get all my money back, I would. I regret deciding to have a ceremony. I wish I just would have gone to the court house. I am just beyond fed up....... 

Re: Why is this about everyone but us?

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    Okay, let's start at the beginning.....

    1. Tell your uncle to have a wonderful weekend at  his cabin and be done with him. If anyone wants to talk to you about him, raise your hand and say "Not going there."

    2. As far as your cousin, let her know that you will have a happy birthday balloon tied to the back of her chair at the reception. Make some time to go to where she is, and go with her to get measured. It does not look like she is going to do it on her own.

    3. For the ushers/groomsmen, call the tux place, make an appt. and tell them to meet the groom there ON THAT DAY and of they can't they must find time THE WEEK BEFORE so that by the time the group goes, everyone will be done. If they can't find the time, let them know that there is a chance they will be replaced because people cant just drag their feet because they can. This is not about them and if it was something that they WANTED to do, they would find the time.

    4. Everyone taking away from you feeling good and positive about your wedding, SCREW THEM!!! Stop talking to people who don't have your happiness FIRST!!!! I had to do this this past week and I feel sooooo good and free. I am not dealing with any negativity AT ALL from ANYONE. Our wedding day is about US!! OUR happiness. OUR wants. If there is anyone who isnt smiling on OUR wedding day, they don't need to be there in the first place. You only get ONE day to be the center of attention, usually, in your LIFE. Here on out it will be about the couple and then kids. And after kids, the word "ME" will rarely come out of your mouth. Tell the negativity to beat it!! Finish planning your wedding and I will be thinking about you on that day especially cause that's the day of my shower!!! Let US plan to have a BALL!!!!
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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    Take a deep breathe.  What you are describing is pretty normal for planning a wedding.  There are always issues that come up.  You shouldn't stress so much.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2010
    1. Tell the uncle to have a good time.  Don't mention the wedding around him anymore, and if he brings it up, change the subject.

    2. For the cousin, do a small cake or sing happy birthday to her to celebrate her birthday.  For her dress, have her measure herself with a friend.  It's not that hard.  You don't need a seamstress to use a tape measure.

    3. It is a little unfair to ask ushers to pay to rent a tux.  Ushers usually wear their own suits, as they aren't part of the wedding party.  But don't worry about the guys anyway.  They can get measured and ordered a few weeks before, and they aren't going to do it now.  It will be fine.  There's no point in stressing yourself out.  

    4. You have to get over this "MY DAY" mindset.  It is your wedding, but when you start saying things like that, people's natural response is to want to mess with you.  It sounds like it should be accompanied with a foot stomp and a tantrum.  Take a deep breath, realize that at the end of the day, all that matters is that you get married, and stop freaking out.  

    A smart lady once told me "It will all work out.  Or it won't.  But what are you going to do?"  That's sort of my mindset toward wedding planning.  In the end, you will not care who wore what and what flowers there were, and you'll regret wasting so much energy worrying about all the details.  As long as you have food, drinks, music and an officiant, it really won't matter.
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    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-everyone-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfa8e74f-b016-4363-9532-f7c4178661f7Post:27170ec2-2ae3-410b-abb4-36b5a05847e4">Why is this about everyone but us?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am SO FED UP WITH EVERYONE!!! This wedding has turned out to be about everyone but my fiance and I. well, not everyone, but you get the picture. First off, my uncle has been complaining about the wedding date (9/4) since we announced the date last May. If he can't complain about something, he is unhappy. First it was him asking my parents "are you really going to let her marry him?" really? now its "im not coming, im having a get together that weekend at my cabin. Im not coming." THEN DONT COME!!!! Just STOP BRINGING ME DOWN!!! Then it was my cousin/moh. "Its my birthday weekend I cant believe you would choose to have your wedding on MY birthday weekend." What are we, 8? Are you kidding me?? So I confronted her last week and asked her if she really even wanted to be in the wedding and she said she does, but is taking care of her grandma a few hours away and cant be here for me. Well we need to get the orders for the dresses in, like, NOW and she cant make it down here, and still hasnt found a place to get measured up where she is. />:( Oh theres more. None of the ushers/groomsmen have gotten measured for their tuxes yet. I know we have time, but why wait til the last minute? And one of the ushers said " i have never worn a tux as an usher, why do I have to?" BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO!!!!!! I have been so easy going about everything and literally have let everyone walk all over me, and I am DONE. This is suppose to be MY DAY. I ask for ONE day out of the entire year, and this is what I get.  I am so fed up. If I could cancel everything right now and get all my money back, I would. I regret deciding to have a ceremony. I wish I just would have gone to the court house. I am just beyond fed up....... 
    Posted by jennrose_03@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]


    1. First off, the title says <em>us</em>, but this whole post is a b*tch fit that screams "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!" Well, frankly, it isn't. You have a fiance, and it's his wedding too. Where is he in all this? And, like it or not, you have families who have feelings and opinions.

    2. As pp said, tell your uncle you hope he has a nice weekend, and forget about it. He doesn't sound like he wants to be there, so why would you want him there?

    3. True, it might be bad taste for your MOH to whine about her birthday, but it's still her birthday and the universe doesn't revolve around you just because you're getting married. If she wants to be in your wedding, she will be. Make sure you acknowledge her birthday, and let her know you care.

    4. Your best response to the tux question is "BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO!" Seriously?! If you didn't want ushers to wear their own suits, did you ask them if they could afford to rent something else? If they said they couldn't or you bother to ask, then I don't see why this guy is in the wrong. Just because attendants are expected to wear what the bride or groom asks them to doesn't mean you get to railroad them.

    5. You're going to cancel your wedding because you can't have things the way you want? What are your priorities here? Getting your "perfect" day? Or marrying the man you promised to?
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    Well when you choose to have your wedding over Labor Day weeked, you are going to get alot of "no thanks" etc. 

    Its 1 of very few long weekends and people go away with their families.  As long as you knew that upfront (and their is nothing wrong with having your wedding on a holiday weeked) you should have expected some opinions about the date that you would not have gotten if you chose another weeked.

    The rest of your post sounds like this:

    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
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    News Flash: it stops being "your" day the minute you involve other people.

    If you didn't want to deal with people declining the invite, people having birthdays, people not having the means to do things "your" way (Which, FYI, ushers do not have to wear tuxes and "because I want you to" is hardly a valid reason), then you should have never included anybody else.

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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    The universe is not Burger King, just because you're getting married doesn't mean you can necessarily have it "YOUR" way.
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    Here is an idea.  If you don't want people to give their opinions on your wedding then STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING TO THEM.  Plan it yourself, pay for it yourself, and that way it can be all about "you you you" and no one else gets a say.  No one can have an opinion if they do not know the details.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    I'm a MN bride getting married on.... fishing opener... although fishing is a season and not a long weekend, I cannot believe the comments I get about it.  I don't fish, I don't keep track of fishing or its opener.  I do what others have said and say "we will miss you but understand". 

    Good luck and have fun with it, it will be here before you know it!
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    My FI likes to tell me a gorgeous little piece of redneck advice from time to time: "Opinions are like buttholes. Everyone has one and they all stink" lol. Apart from the incredibly trailer trash way of saying it...it is true. Everyone is going to give their opinion about your wedding day....some of them, believe it or not...you will appreciate after awhile. However, while planning a wedding you need to realize that there's no way to please everyone (otherwise boards like this would not exist and everything would be boring and perfect). You just need to remember, its going to be YOUR day no matter what...and as long as you are happy with the decisions you make, nothing can take that away from you. Just smile and nod at the opinions you don't like and have a wonderful wedding!
    Christy Visit my wedding planning/DIY blog: http://joshandchristylovestory.blogspot.com/
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    PS! My little sister is my MOH and she just started dating this boy. Its her first real relationship. She informed me the other day that FI and I are getting married on "their anniversary" :) It doesn't matter. People just say silly stuff sometimes....after the initial...uhm, WHAT?! I thought that was pretty flipping cute.
    Christy Visit my wedding planning/DIY blog: http://joshandchristylovestory.blogspot.com/
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    PiruPiru member
    First Comment
    First of all, you picked labor day weekend. Second of all, you didn't give much notice. You announced the day in May and the wedding is labor day weekend; yeah some people will complain and some will already have other plans. That would have been an iffy amount of notice for any weekend, let alone one where a lot of people travel etc.

    Calm down. Not everyone is going to be able to devote every waking moment to your wedding. These people are your guests, not your dolls to play dress up with.

    I knwo it's frustrating but seriously breeeathe.
    And if you should die before me, ask if you can take a friend. Pick a flower, close your eyes,and drift away- STP
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    I think every bride has breakdowns like this one...the stress just gets to you. I can relate. I'm sorry you're feeling in over your head. Just take a deep breath and ignore the comments from people who want to bring you down!

    Focus on what matters, put your head down and keep planning!!

    I know it's hard to put your frustrations aside, but just try your best. I'm sure your day will work out no matter who shows up, dressed in what, with whatever attitude!

    Make it the best day for YOU! :-)
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