Extremely Lazy Groom

MeganBM

So, Lately I have been doing ALL of the wedding planning.  Partly because my fiance does work from 7 am then goes to school until 10 pm.  I completely understand that on the weekends he would just like to Veg. Meanwhile I do not get 2 consecutive days off, and I do get done work at 6- go to the gym then Im finally home by 8 pm.  when my FI is home he just likes to watch football and ocasionally clean and just throw his laundry in the wash " doing his laundry" which is left for me to fold on my day off.  We are getting married in about a year, so I have been busy on my days and time off doing wedding planning, meeting with vendors, etc.. all bymyself.  Literally making decisions by myself. We recently had to meet up with our priest ( which i got an earful  about him not wanting to do) about getting married at the church.  Going to mass every sunday is something that should be done ( but havent been doing) if we want to get married in the church.  He complains about doing that, today my parents invited us for dinner and talk about wedding planning- he complained about that.  It seems as if EVERYTHING that needs to get done, i get an earful for because he doesnt feel like doing it!!!   I dont feel like planning the wedding every second im off, but I dont complain.  I have tried asking for advice on  dj's flowers, photographer, etc, and either he wants to go watch football or hes tired.  THERE is never a time he wants to help.  I tried delegating that he does the DJ... 3 months ago- nothing has been done- so Im working on that now.  I asked 3 weeks ago on one of his days off that he puts the guest list in abc order- still not done- which again I have started to do- because it has to get done.  I have argued with him about some of these things- he doesnt understand that this stuff has to get moving NOW we have less than a yr.  What do I do? How do I get the message across?  He wont even go work out- but he will complain that he wants to look his best on our wedding day and complains about his weight.  UGH!
HELP!!!!!!

MairePoppy

I'm trying to figure out, here, if you are too controlling and talk, talk, talk about the wedding too much. Or is he completely uninterested in the wedding (or marriage) and is totally uncooperative. It's probably a little of both, right?
Nagging him to alphabetize the guest list a year before the wedding-controlling. Nagging him to go to the gym so he looks good for the wedding-controlling.
Complaining about meeting with priest (which is necessary)- uncooperative
Not meeting with major vendors-uncooperative
If your parents are helping with the wedding budget and he doesn't want to even talk to them about it -uncooperative and ungrateful
Not doing his own laundry-uncooperative and lazy. You shouldn't do it for him unless he pitches in for you when you need it.
I see that you are both busy with work/school schedules, but you really need to learn how to work together and compromise. Maybe half of your time off could be down time (for football watching) and the other half for wedding and household related chores-that you share.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-lazy-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfbf1898-1194-43af-9130-1acd12c2a87bPost:4fe603e8-59d6-4e55-8e09-72049fd235c7">Re: Extremely Lazy Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm trying to figure out, here, if you are too controlling and talk, talk, talk about the wedding too much. Or is he completely uninterested in the wedding (or marriage) and is totally uncooperative. It's probably a little of both, right? Nagging him to alphabetize the guest list a year before the wedding-controlling. Nagging him to go to the gym so he looks good for the wedding-controlling. Complaining about meeting with priest (which is necessary)- uncooperative Not meeting with major vendors-uncooperative If your parents are helping with the wedding budget and he doesn't want to even talk to them about it -uncooperative and ungrateful Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

Ditto all of that.

When we started planning our wedding H's exact words to me were "tell me when and where i need to show up."  Anything he did above that I was impressed with, but other than that I knew I had free reign to do what I wanted for our wedding.  My mom came with me to appointments for flowers because she cared about that, and H thought they were a waste of money.  I would narrow decisions down to 2 choices and ask him for his opinion from there.  There were many times H told me he was sick of hearing about the wedding, and we would give it a break.

Honestly, if you asked me to alphabatize a guest list a year before the wedding I would probabl laugh in your face, and not do it.  My guest list was sorted by groups anyways which was much easier (my family, his family, my friends, his friends, etc.).  Getting mad about that, as well as him not going to the gym, is just nagging.  You are choosing to go to the gym everyday after work and get home at 8, so if you are that stressed at a year out you could skip the gym to get stuff done.

As for things like meeting with the priest, that is something necessary.  You can have a discussion with him about how that is required before getting married in the church.  If he still refuses then I think you have a bigger issue on your hand.  Pick your battles, and relax about the wedding planning.  You have a year.  We set a date and planned an amazing wedding for 5 months later, so you are definitely not in a rush at a year out. 

NillaWafer10

Interest in wedding planning and interest in marriage are two separate things.  

My H didn't address one invitation or search for a single vendor.  The only thing he cared about was actually getting married, and the rest was fluff.  Could it be that he just isn't interested in all of the frills of wedding planning?  I mean, football vs. looking at color swatches and bouquets... not a hard choice for most men

Also, you could probably lay off of wedding talk for a week or so. Maybe you could relax one evening and watch the game with him?  Or watch while you search/plan on a laptop?

MeganBM

ok, lets get things straight.  I do not talk about wedding planning 24/7.  Its just that yesturday, we went to church, then I went to his football outing, and then we were scheduled to go to my parents- which he complained about.  I have been trying to figure out a DJ ( after we went to my parent's) and all I did was ask his opinion,  and all he said was Im watching football right now?! Really? Its not nagging- Im not the one who asks him to go to the gym- he brings up that he wants to look good for the wedding, eats absolutely crappy food on the weekend, so i suggest to him that he goes to the gym.  I can't make a suggestion when he complains?  As far as the alphabetization of the names- if you all dont know there is a section in the know that you plug the guest list in- but my excel is not working so I have to type each name in there.  On saturday when he had off was the 2nd time I had asked him in a 3 week period " since you roff today , can you please consider doing that guest list that I asked you about".  Nagging- really?  I didnt think so.

vsgal

Megan,
You are inside the fishbowl looking at the situation in a completely different way from what you are emoting.  From the inside, you feel like you are not nagging, complaining, being unreasonable or uncooperative.  From the outside, which is his point of view along with the rest of the world, you are walking the fine line.

You are a year out.  To him, the things that you are stressing about getting done are not high on his hit list. 

You are so high-strung that you are not seeing the bigger picture.  Relax.  Take some time to enjoy being engaged.  You have plenty of time, contrary to the Knot's or any other planning outlet's timeline.  We were engaged for a little over a year, and we talked about things.  However, we did not get into the bookings, meetings, or any other concrete plans until about 8 months out. When we started booking, we were done within a week.  Things don't take as long as "wedding experts" tell you.  "Wedding experts" tell you to get it done early because, as human beings, the sooner we get something done, the more money we spend.  Wedding experts want your money.

FYI, Wedding experts include wedding shows, magazines, websites (this includes the knot), and vendors.  They only want your money and that is it.

By the way, asking and suggesting going to the gym are the same thing in a different form.  Don't get hung up on this.  If he wants to get in shape, he will.  If you want him to get in shape, he could become resentful.

marissa_claire

1) Guys tend to not care as much about wedding stuff.  Ask him straight up what he wants to give input on, and just run those things by him.  He probably won't care about flowers or table linens, etc. 

2) You have a whole year!  You don't need to book a DJ for at least a few months.  Calm down.  And make sure there's other stuff going on in your life.  We're about a month out and still have plenty of other things going on for us.  

redheadfsu

Megan, if you are a year out you need to relax a little. Stop worrying so much. You do not have to book a DJ right now. You have plenty of time.

I have a feeling that you are all about the wedding right now & not about the relationship. Please calm down. If alphabetizing the guest list doesn't get done this very second, will the world end? No. Will you still get married (in a year) to the man you love? Yes.  Then calm down.

But I would suggest counseling as it seems that you two can't communicate properly.

JenGin74

I planned our wedding in 5 months all by myself.

My husband didn't care about any of the details until we were maybe a month out. Most guys really don't care about wedding details, especially when they have to worry about work and school as yours does.

You really need to relax.

aerinpegadrak

Alphabetizing the guest list?  Seriously?  That's certifiable right there.  (And if it's typed up, most programs can alphabetize it for you if you feel the need for that entirely unnecessary step.  Technology!)

I think you need to take a complete break from the wedding for a little while, for your own sanity as well as your FI's.  It's just a party.  It is not that complicated, and does not take an entire year to plan.  If you keep this up, everyone around you, including you, is going to be so thoroughly sick of this wedding that by the time it rolls around, no one is actually going to enjoy it.

I don't think there's a single woman out there that thinks that she's nagging her husband, just like nobody ever really thinks that they're the bad guy.  Your perspective isn't really the most important one here.

Manwaithiel

The issues you seem to be having about getting married in the church, attending church, etc. popped out to me the most. Does he WANT to get married in a church? If he doesn't, are you really going to force him? If you guys don't at least have an understanding when it comes to religious beliefs and church attendance, you'd better stop thinking about when you're going to get married and start wondering IF. I'm dead serious. This is one of those issues that people get divorced over later. Talk about it now. Stop talking about the wedding.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-lazy-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfbf1898-1194-43af-9130-1acd12c2a87bPost:519ba04c-27a0-4429-aacf-9c6f5df20480">Extremely Lazy Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]So, Lately I have been doing ALL of the wedding planning.  Partly because my fiance does work from 7 am then goes to school until 10 pm.  I completely understand that on the weekends he would just like to Veg. Meanwhile I do not get 2 consecutive days off, and I do get done work at 6- go to the gym then Im finally home by 8 pm.  when my FI is home he just likes to watch football and ocasionally clean and just throw his laundry in the wash " doing his laundry" which is left for me to fold on my day off.  We are getting married in about a year, so I have been busy on my days and time off doing wedding planning, meeting with vendors, etc.. all bymyself.  Literally making decisions by myself. We recently had to meet up with our priest ( which i got an earful  about him not wanting to do) about getting married at the church.  Going to mass every sunday is something that should be done ( but havent been doing) if we want to get married in the church.  He complains about doing that, today my parents invited us for dinner and talk about wedding planning- he complained about that.  It seems as if EVERYTHING that needs to get done, i get an earful for because he doesnt feel like doing it!!!   I dont feel like planning the wedding every second im off, but I dont complain.  I have tried asking for advice on  dj's flowers, photographer, etc, and either he wants to go watch football or hes tired.  THERE is never a time he wants to help.  I tried delegating that he does the DJ... 3 months ago- nothing has been done- so Im working on that now.  I asked 3 weeks ago on one of his days off that he puts the guest list in abc order- still not done- which again I have started to do- because it has to get done.  I have argued with him about some of these things- he doesnt understand that this stuff has to get moving NOW we have less than a yr.  What do I do? How do I get the message across?  He wont even go work out- but he will complain that he wants to look his best on our wedding day and complains about his weight.  UGH! HELP!!!!!!
Posted by MeganBM[/QUOTE]

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-lazy-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfbf1898-1194-43af-9130-1acd12c2a87bPost:172ef3a2-d290-4e93-88b7-d5ad757a436c">Re: Extremely Lazy Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, lets get things straight.  I do not talk about wedding planning 24/7.  Its just that yesturday, we went to church, then I went to his football outing, and then we were scheduled to go to my parents- which he complained about.  I have been trying to figure out a DJ ( after we went to my parent's) and all I did was ask his opinion,  and all he said was Im watching football right now?! Really? Its not nagging- Im not the one who asks him to go to the gym- he brings up that he wants to look good for the wedding, eats absolutely crappy food on the weekend, so i suggest to him that he goes to the gym.  I can't make a suggestion when he complains?  As far as the alphabetization of the names- if you all dont know there is a section in the know that you plug the guest list in- but my excel is not working so I have to type each name in there.  On saturday when he had off was the 2nd time I had asked him in a 3 week period " since you roff today , can you please consider doing that guest list that I asked you about".  Nagging- really?  I didnt think so.
Posted by MeganBM[/QUOTE]

mattycam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-lazy-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfbf1898-1194-43af-9130-1acd12c2a87bPost:d6d129aa-6931-4cf3-b0ec-82b9589e7fd6">Re: Extremely Lazy Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]The issues you seem to be having about getting married in the church, attending church, etc. popped out to me the most. Does he WANT to get married in a church? If he doesn't, are you really going to force him? If you guys don't at least have an understanding when it comes to religious beliefs and church attendance, you'd better stop thinking about when you're going to get married and start wondering IF. I'm dead serious. This is one of those issues that people get divorced over later. Talk about it now. Stop talking about the wedding.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

I agree!

jessienjeremy

My Fi will probably show up at the wedding.. and say.."Oh wow I didnt know we had a chocolate fountain!".  LOL.. that shows how envolved he is.  He didnt even know what our invitations looked like till I had one sitting on the table.

My FI isnt into the details.. all he cares about is showing up and saying I do to me.

canadagk

I agree with the PP! You have a long time to go so just relax and enjoy it.  We started off at about a year and now, with 5 months to go, FI is just starting to get interested in the planning.

kate910

I'm actually siding with you on this one. I hate the excuse that "men will be men" and to ask them to to contribute input or expect any sort of assistance with the planning would be going agaisnt his "traditional gender role". For brides who have a limited budget or are expecting a lot of DIY projects the idea of waiting to begin the planning process can be even more stressful. I wouldnt go so far as to say that just because your partner, at this moment ,is not as gung ho about the planning process means that he wont ever be, but I totally get your frusteration that if you have a year to plan and you cant get him to help you out now, whats to mean that he will be more helpful  a few months down the road?

Try to respect that his spare time is spread so thin, but in my opinion, don't allow him to get away with not helping you plan simply because "he's just a guy."

futurepivko

i agree with all of the above posts. you do have such a long way out..

Why dont ASK him what he wants to be involved with? Maybe its nothing, and then let it be! My FI didnt really give me suggestions for a while, then he would randomly say "you know, i want _______, could we do that?" when I got an idea, I took it and RAN. eventually, he'll come up with things that he thought of, like a specialty drink, or a favor idea or how to arrive to the reception. Just give it time, PLEASE.

I guess the part that bothered me was he folding laundry....get over it. as a wife, that stuff is going to have to get done pretty much on a daily basis. My FI and I were long distance for over a year while I finished school and he got a job in this (awful) economy. I live in NC and he was in NJ (where we are moving in January together...we'll be an hour from his parents) I wish I had his laundry to fold during  that time  If you dont want to do chores, then dont get married. I HATE to vaccuum! But am I going to whine about it? NO. Because when I get married, its going to have to get done!

Please. Just give it some time. Oh, and ABC-ing the guest list??!!!

JerseyML

I want a FI who doesn't care about the wedding details!  How do I get one of those?!?!?! 

Question: Before you got engaged, did he always complain about doing stuff or has it been recently?

Advice:  Do you have BMs, a MOH, MOB, sisters or friends who want to help out instead?  Maybe ask them for help on things he isn't interested in helping with.  The Super bowl is on February 6th, 2011.  Let him do his thing until then.  If he likes baseball too then you are in trouble.

lisalou402

Send me your list.  I will alphabetize it for you.

I"m pretty good.  For most things, I've given FI a few options and he helps pick them.   He has been into more things than I thought, but for the most part, I'm  on my own.  The DJ and the food were big things for him.  We also talked about what kind of venue we wanted...he said he wanted a view at the venue, so I found a few places with views and we started from there.  That kind of stuff.  And none of those conversations were "OH LETS TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING"....yiou just sort of organically have them at some point.

Good Luck.

mcclurekelley

Someone may have already said, this so I apologize for that if I missed it.  The best wedding planning advice that I ever got was from my Matron of Honor:

"Ask him what he wants to be involved with.  Because if you don't, you'll spend 3 days arguing over the font on the invitation because you didn't think he would care."

So....have you asked him what he wanted to be involved in? I sat down with my husband and asked him, "Do you want to help pick the colors?  Do you want to help pick the venue?  Do you want to help with the music?  Do you want to help pick the reading?"  etc.  Come to find out, he wanted to be a part of picking the tux and the food.   Was I upset?  Not at all.  If he said, "I don't want to be a part of any planning" would I have been upset?  Nope.  Because I'd rather have him say "no thanks" than me get upset and frustrated because I assumed he wanted to be a part of picking out flowers and songs for the DJ.

aerinpegadrak

DH was actually quite involved in the planning, but not every step.  We talked initially about what sort of things he was interested and which ones he didn't care about.  I did most of the legwork, and either narrowed it down to two or three options and gave him the final decision, or worked up something I liked and asked him for his opinions.  He would tell me if he didn't like it or suggest changes, and if he just said "I like it," then it was in.  In that way, he got a say in pretty much every aspect, but didn't get overwhelmed with a bunch of stuff that he wasn't interested in and didn't care about.

lucy2113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-lazy-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfbf1898-1194-43af-9130-1acd12c2a87bPost:7e367af1-4b30-4408-8f83-dd878635d0a8">Re: Extremely Lazy Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]Megan, You are inside the fishbowl looking at the situation in a completely different way from what you are emoting.  From the inside, you feel like you are not nagging, complaining, being unreasonable or uncooperative.  From the outside, which is his point of view along with the rest of the world, you are walking the fine line. You are a year out.  To him, the things that you are stressing about getting done are not high on his hit list.  You are so high-strung that you are not seeing the bigger picture.  Relax.  Take some time to enjoy being engaged.  You have plenty of time, contrary to the Knot's or any other planning outlet's timeline.  We were engaged for a little over a year, and we talked about things.  However, we did not get into the bookings, meetings, or any other concrete plans until about 8 months out. When we started booking, we were done within a week.  Things don't take as long as "wedding experts" tell you.  "Wedding experts" tell you to get it done early because, as human beings, the sooner we get something done, the more money we spend.  Wedding experts want your money. FYI, Wedding experts include wedding shows, magazines, websites (this includes the knot), and vendors.  They only want your money and that is it. By the way, asking and suggesting going to the gym are the same thing in a different form.  Don't get hung up on this.  If he wants to get in shape, he will.  If you want him to get in shape, he could become resentful.
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]

<div>I couldn't have said it better. Relax. Do it for you & him. Take a week off & go out & enjoy things <em>together</em> as a couple. Don't mention one things about the wedding & maybe just maybe he'll have a different attitude. Or stop expecting soo much from him. Let him be. There is nothing you can do. But I do suggest counseling. Like someone mentioned before, people do get divorced over silly things. Good Luck! </div>

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-lazy-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfbf1898-1194-43af-9130-1acd12c2a87bPost:27efa612-2f21-4daa-8fa8-9a832a8649c7">Re: Extremely Lazy Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]You come across to me as possessing loads of attitude. Maybe you are upset and are just not receptive to other people's opinions. However, I think you have plenty of time. He probably thinks it is unnecessary to alphabetize a guest list a YEAR before the wedding. Hell, even I feel that way. Also, you probably are close to becoming a Bridezilla. You have a year. People plan weddings....FULL weddings in 9 mths. No worries! Relax!  Some feminists may hate me.....but why <strong>aren't you happy to do his laundry and stuff? He seems like he is working extremely hard.</strong> Be grateful he is employed and willing to work. Lots of women are dealing with bigger issues than a man coming home wanting to watch football.  Stop looking at the glass half empty when it is half full.  Good luck with your planning. Put the wedding planner book down for a month. Come back after Thanksgiving.
Posted by ChanelShades[/QUOTE]


I think it's more of a give and take thing than being happy to do it.  The three months I was studying for the bar exam (and working part time) DH made every single meal and did all of the cleaning and laundry.

mLouden

Hey girl- I am in the SAME situation. My FI is going to school for an intensive year-long masters program. He can't work on his papers at home because he needs to access research on a classified computer, so he stays at school until midnight, and leaves for the day before I even get up. He never sleeps, so the way he likes to spend his weekends are doing his Fantasy Football line-up, going to the gym, and sleeping. We literally get married 2 weeks after his thesis is due. Before we even got engaged, he told me that I would have to plan the wedding by myself, which I accepted. I registered for ALL of our gifts with my sister-in-law, which was a BLAST actually because I chose everything I liked without having to "compromise." I chose all of our vendors by myself. We still have 10 months to go, and my FI doesn't understand why we have to book things so far in advance. He told me "we don't need to book the place now! we don't need to look for DJs!" I kindly and calmly told him that it was my job planning, so let me do it without having him complain about it. I just tell him what I am doing and then go do it. He appreciates the role I am taking, and is glad that I don't nag him about what he needs to plan or who he needs to contact. 

My advice to you is this: You are marrying a GUY. You are not marrying your best girl-friend. Guys who LIKE wedding planning are a rarity. It sounds like you know what you want and how you would like your wedding day to be. I am somewhat of a control freak, and I PREFER to be the sole decision-maker. Now, as for the pre-marriage counseling and meeting with the Priest, that is something that he has to suck up and do. If you calmly talk to him and explain the importance of planning a lasting marriage, not just a "wedding," he might be more likely to cooperate. Don't go to him with every last detail that you need help deciding on. My groom could care less about which garlic press we get, what thread count our sheets are, or whether we get Gardeneas or Cabbage Roses for centerpieces...I am sure your groom is the same way. 

You also have a YEAR until you get married. It's important to book vendors in advance to ensure you get the ones you want, but freaking out about the whole thing isn't going to make you FI more inclined to participate. Show him that you have it under control, don't freak out and nag, and on the day of your wedding he will see ALL of the hard work you've down, and appreciate the awesomeness of the wedding you created. Hang in there!

vllbabe688

I agree with most of the above posters.  Sounds like you guys need to clearly communicate what your expectations are in the wedding planning process...  When we got engaged my FI told me he didn't care about anything as long as we're getting married (and he gets to make the DJ playlist) - for most guys the planning process just isn't their thing.  If you're feeling that he's not appreciative of all the work you're putting in that's something you need to communicate to him as well - in a kind, non-nagging way.

I would definitely try a wedding-free date night to re-energize your relationship and remind you why you are here in this journey together.  And relax a little - TK's timeline is waaaaay early - we are 2mos into a 7mo engagement and although TK says I'm way behind everyone else will tell you I'm on great pace.  Good luck!

katheriner89

I'm in your same boat girl, My wedding isn't until july 2011, but i've gotten most things taken care of. venue, cake, caterer, dj, dress, tent, rental stuff, guests, etc.
it's a huge headache, and my FI isn't exactly helping make things easier. He says "we have almost a year"- but at the same time, if you get the big things taken care of as soon as possible, you know you will get every thing you want, instead of waiting 4 months before the wedding to find a dj, and having to settle with a crappy one because all of the smart ppl booked early

just breathe, believe me, everything will come together. just make 3 nights a week be "wedding nights" thats what i do. it helps.

good luck.

dznicole

When FI and i got engaged we had the discussion right away as to what he wanted to be involved in.  Food and Music.  Everything else i did with my mom, sisiter (MOH), or bridesmaids.  It was great bonding time for me with my mom and sister as well as bridesmaids. 
For guys wedding planning isnt a big deal.  All they really care about is getting to the wedding and getting married.  We are 8 months out and have just about eveything but the limo done and FI helped with the DJ and food selections, thats it.  I took care of the guest list and getting addresses from his parents and friends. 
i dont think its worth it to argue about the little things that arent important to him.  All that really matters is that he loves me and we will be spending the rest of our lives together. 
I think you need to just take a step back and take a break from the planning for a little while or ask someone else to go wtih you.  Its not worth the stress and the arguemetns.  this is suposed to be an enjoyable time for everyone involved, not a stressful one.

thesequel

You have a year!  Unless you are planning some crazy heinous work schedule with no breaks ever for the next 11.5 months, then take a deep breath!  Give your guy the quote/unquote "fun" stuff to do.  My DH couldn't care LESS about flower types, but putting him in charge of the food, cake tastings, music and bar was a great plan, because he was completely on board!  He got to do the things he liked...and I got an involved groom!  

Win/win for both of us.  Seriously - lay off the man.  I would want to be watching football if given the choice to alphabetize the guest list (which is inevitably going to change anyways!).

GL and breathe...it helps!

hillilli

I've got the same problem only we're only 6 months out. I can't complain about chores and such, he does all the cleaning around the house. BUT he threw a FIT when I suggested a destination wedding (easier and cheaper) and then promised me up and down the wall he would take over some planning to alleviate the stress for me. He made one call. One. That was months ago. My mom is totally taking care of the guest list and has been asking him for addresses for his guests for MONTHS. If I ask him to do something wedding related I have to NAG and in the end, I'm causing myself more stress than if I just did the damn thing myself. What is it with men insisting they want this or that but not contributing to the work AT ALL. You think I LIKE talking to 5 caterers at different price points and haggling? Do you think I LIKE shopping around for the right tent and dance floor? I just want to get married...we could book to the court house for all I care!!!!! Aargh.

amga421

Fist of all, I agree with most of the prior posts, but I also understand your frustration.  We have less than 5 months left and I haven't even booked venues, so I understand your stress.  And I get the uncooperative fiance issues as well . . . mine still hasn't chosen his groomsmen, and this is not something I can do for him (although I am tempted).  You probably should relax a little and put thewedding planning on the back burmer for now.  If you give yourself, and your fiance, this time, you will be able to resume your planning with less stress and frustration.  Don't get upset with him if he doesn't want to help.  This is your thing, not his.  Personally, I am relying on my maid-of-honor to help because mine just isn't interested.

Also, I'm not sure that this is a major issue that means your marriage is doomed (as some of the other posts imply).  Wedding planning is stressful, but ultimately it's supposed to be a jpyful experience.  So, let it be!  And enjoy your fiance for a while.  Perhaps, instead of "nagging" him about planning the wedding, just let him know how important it is to you that he help out a little.  I'm sure he will warm up a little!