Chit Chat
Options

5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have

1. It absolutely boggles the mind to see people with a guest list of 300 and a budget of $5,000. Are you freaking kidding me?  Why do that to yourself?  Cut the guest list to 10.  Seriously.  Parents, siblings, and you.   Then give them the best party they've ever had.  You don't even know 300 people, and no, the mailman and your third grade teacher do not count.  Your wedding is not the "social event of the season"; not everybody has to be there.

 

2. You are not Martha Stewart.  You should not cook your own wedding food (if you expect the guests to actually eat.)  You should not make your own cake or cupcakes.  You should not ask anyone else to do so, unless you're paying them.   Seriously, hire professionals.

 

3. If every day brings another problem with your FMIL, your mom, bridesmaids, and/ or vendors, the problem is you.  You're a Bridezilla and you need to chill the F out.

 

4. You get one wedding.  Not a quicky courthouse wedding, followed by a "real" wedding a month or a year later.  If you are tempted to do this, consider this question: why not get married every month?  Or every day?   When you finally stumble on the right answer, you'll realize you've been a selfish jerk and change your ways.

 

5. There is no “great venue with a view” at a “reasonable price”.  The reason things are expensive is because everyone wants one, and the vendor can charge more for it.  If you really want excellence, prepare to pay for it.  You don’t go to the Rolls Royce dealership and ask for something “stunning” at a bargain price.   Likewise, you can’t expect to have an amazing loft space in NYC with a view of the skyline if you’re only willing to pay $1000.  Won’t happen.  Part of being an adult is accepting reality.  If the reality is your budget does not allow you to afford the venue you dream of, you either need to increase your budget or change your dream.  One is infinitely more malleable than the other.

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have

  • Options
    The people who recognize themselves in this. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    Yes, just a general PSA. 

    I'm sorry you hate me.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:14ea1d42-2ba2-4058-b126-c01f211eb764">Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have : So this is just a general PSA?  I hate you.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    Welcome back Linger.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    ***applauding***
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    201 Invited image 139 Attending image 20 Declined image 42 Are making me wait image
  • Options
    Wow, 191 posts, and less than 6 months of membership, and you have ALL THE ANSWERS.  Congrats.
    DSC_9275
  • Options
    Avion, do you disagree with any of these things?  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options

    I get your point, and agree wiht mos tof this. But hte first one always bugs me and I read it on here a lot. Its not always that simple to just cut down the guest list, and YES people do have families that large. My dad is one of 11 children, there are 28 grandkids and half of them are married wiht childr4en of their own. And we are actually very close, my grnadma used ot have 3 Thanksgiving dinners so that everyone could attend at least one. My mom has 6 sisters and FI mother is one of 8. Although FI is not as close wiht his extended family, the family dynamic is such that everyone must be invited. FI also has 5 sibling and 12 nieces/nephews. So unless we ignore etiquette and dont invites SOs for people our guest list will be 300. (Although I am aware that this is not so doable with a 5k budget.)

    LilySlim Weight loss tickers Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    LingerLonger1, 

    I'm sorry you're annoyed.  On the internet, that can happen.  

    Secondly, you hate me because you're annoyed with something I wrote?   Hate doesn't usually follow annoyance.   Your response seems extreme.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    JAG - Linger is a troll. She's here to stir things up and get under people's skin. She's a biotch and people love her for her. The sooner you accept that the better your CC experience will be. Otherwise, feel free to migrate to Wedding Bee.
    image
    Anniversary
  • Options
    Stage, 

    Of course she can.  I'm just saying it seems like an extreme statement to make.  

    Regarding your comment, you do know the difference between you and those other people, right?  You didn't whine about it (at least not that I can remember).    The numbers I chose were random (300 guests/$5000), but meant to illustrate the idea that you can't have a bazillion people and not pay for them.  In just the past month,  I've seen brides asking how to host these enormous parties on a shoestring budget which just seems so stressful to me, and impossible.

    A few years ago, I was a wedding planner.  Clients seemed to be either of the mindset that money was no object and the other was money was nonexistent the clients would come to me with the belief that I could save them money.  I sometimes could, but I never got the prices as low as those people really wanted, because essentially they wanted everything for free.  They wanted to haggle over EVERY DAMN THING to the point of absurdity. They simply believed that the vendor was out to screw them and no discount was good enough.   This mindset is damaging to any wedding, and probably to any life.  How can you possibly have anything be a pleasure if you're always worried that you could have gotten another dollar off if only you'd begged more?   

    That kind of desperation and anger and entitlement doesn't seem to come from you.  But it does come from some people, and it is such a trap.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    Nope, that was just the explanation of why I thought to write it.   You said yourself you lecture others on these items all the time.   
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:eec285ae-4239-4ea2-b7d3-3c6d5c352e82">Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]Avion, do you disagree with any of these things?  
    Posted by JaneAustensGhost[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>I don't really agree about 1, 2, and 5.  Those issues are rarely as black and white as you make them out to be.   The bottom line is that every wedding and every situation is different, and rarely will there ever be one piece of advice (let alone 5) that will apply to every single situation under the sun.   </div>
    DSC_9275
  • Options
    In Response to Re:5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have:In Response to Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have : No one that reads this post will think they are guilty of those things, even if they are.nbsp; These PSA posts annoy nearly every reg around here.nbsp; We already know these things and lecture newbs on them all the time. If someone posts saying they plan to do any of these things call them out there.nbsp; It's a little more effective and less annoying to the regs.Posted by LingerLonger1Actually, I totally recognize myself as having broken "rules" 1 and 2. nbsp;Our invited guestlist was nearly 200, our budget was exactly 5k, and H and his sister did all of the wedding food themselves except for the cake. nbsp;Oddly enough, none of these things were ever a problem and had no need to be fixed. nbsp;I will now go spend the next hour hanging my head in shame as my totally awesome, low stress, low key wedding has now been exposed for the horror it was. nbsp;Thoroughly chastised, party of me. nbsp; Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I'm right there with you. We had about 250 with a budget of 6000. I guess I broke the number one rule.
  • Options
    Because most people don't cheerfully accept their limitations.   Because most people writing here are really asking how they can magically change those limitations, as if there is some super secret way to have a wedding for 300 at the Ritz in Paris while only spending $5000, including airfare. There isn't. 

    Stage's attitude seems to be that she's quite happy with her choices and decisons.   If others like Stage are happy with their choices, who live within their limitations and make it work for them, more power to them.  If you're really able to make amazing cupcakes, do it.  But don't complain that you're exhausted and that you forgot half the things you were supposed to do because the cupcakes took all your time.   The point of every single one of the "rules" was was to live in reality since many people, especially those just starting their research, are engaging in magical thinking.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:069a392b-b0df-48de-9f92-e78e45f87a08">Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Because most people don't cheerfully accept their limitations.   Because most people writing here are really asking how they can magically change those limitations</strong>, as if there is some super secret way to have a wedding for 300 at the Ritz in Paris while only spending $5000, including airfare. There isn't.  Stage's attitude seems to be that she's quite happy with her choices and decisons.   If others like Stage are happy with their choices, who live within their limitations and make it work for them, more power to them.  If you're really able to make amazing cupcakes, do it.  But don't complain that you're exhausted and that you forgot half the things you were supposed to do because the cupcakes took all your time.   The point of every single one of the "rules" was was to live in reality since many people, especially those just starting their research, are engaging in magical thinking.
    Posted by JaneAustensGhost[/QUOTE]

    Because YOUR post is really going to fix all that?
    image
    Anniversary
  • Options
    Um, no.  I wrote something that dearly need to be said.  You and others attacked, so explained myself with more details.   Backpeddaling would be saying, "It's totally possible to host 300 people at the Ritz for under $5000."  

    Achiduck, I doubt it.  But I really wanted to say it because it comes up so often here. 

    What I said here was no different than what other people say every day.  It's just collected in a single post.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2012

    It's weird that you call everyone's budgets here a limitation and that we all had to "live withn them" as if we all suffered because we didn't have $100K weddings.

    H and I had an amazing wedding where our guests were well taken care of, enjoyed themselves and are still raving about the food. We had everything we wanted and stayed on budget. It was not a "limitation" for me.

    image
    Anniversary
  • Options
    achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:5a16039e-1299-485b-aa1c-28af49a30367">Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have : BRIDEZILLA!
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    I know, right? Clearly because I stayed within my budget and still got the things I wanted (without haggling) I am a horrible person. Shame on me.
    image
    Anniversary
  • Options
    That's awesome Achiduck that you didn't feel your budget was a limitation; lots of people feel that way and that's great - that's how it should feel.  But look at the title of the post - it is for people who DO feel like they have a problem.   And there are an awful lot of those people posting on TK forums.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    First of all, here's the link to my awesomesauce flow-chart:  http://share.pdfonline.com/0d5eccad4b1f40139d3013a4ca6a2bbf/Doc1.htm. (OP, please note that my flow-chart actually does apply to everyone, unlike your preachy, holier-than-thou, useless list.)

    Second of all, OP, here's why you're wrong on four out of five counts:

    1. You absolutely can feed 300 people on $5000.  Plenty of people in this thread have done it, so I don't really feel the need to belabor the point.  If you meant "You can't have 300 people at the Ritz Carlton on a $5000 budget," then you should've said that instead.

    1B.  My wedding totally was "the social event of the season" in my family's circle.  My parents have an extremely large, close-knit group of friends who have raised their children together for the last 30 years, and when one of us gets married, it's a BIG.  DEAL.  Everyone goes all out to attend everyone else's kids' weddings, and there are definitely hurt feelings when some are invited to weddings but not others.  They care, and it matters.  That's not me trying to be a super-cool speshul-snowflake, that's reality in my parents' social circle.  Your circle is apparently small enough that "cut your list to 15 people" is possible for you, and that's cool, but that's not the solution for everyone; heck, it's not even possible for everyone to have an "immediate family only" list that's that small, depending on how many siblings/sets of parents/number of kids they have.  If you'd rather feed 15 people caviar than 300 people hot dogs on a $5000 budget, have at it, but you can kiss the fattest part of my @ss if you think I should've cut over a hundred people who love me and wanted to see me get married from my guest list just because the full meal I offered them wasn't swank enough for your personal taste.

    2. Isn't Martha Stewart actually Martha Stewart?  So if she was getting married, she could bake her own cupcakes?  What about people who are/are related to professional bakers or chefs?  What about people who are just really darned good home cooks and enjoy cooking for people?  Should they skip out on something they enjoy doing because you think that this kind of work should only be done by "professionals"?

    3. Sure, you could be a bridezilla... or, you could happen to have a totally BSC family.  This is a stupid blanket rule.

    4.  I'll concede on this one.  Do-over "weddings" are squicky.

    5.  I have friends who got married in a room with a perfect view of the NYC skyline for $1000.  (They had a friend living in a luxury condo building in Jersey City who hooked them up with the condo building's amazing party room for free, and they spent about $1000 on food for a cocktail-hour party.)  Deals exist if you get creative.

    So, yeah, 4 out of 5 of your "general rules" are cr@p.  Also, you're a superior, snobbish brat and I don't like you.  So there's that.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:5972d239-c9f1-450a-b6bc-1ea873079692">Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]First of all, here's the link to my awesomesauce flow-chart:  <a href="http://share.pdfonline.com/0d5eccad4b1f40139d3013a4ca6a2bbf/Doc1.htm." rel="nofollow">http://share.pdfonline.com/0d5eccad4b1f40139d3013a4ca6a2bbf/Doc1.htm.</a> (OP, please note that my flow-chart actually does apply to everyone, unlike your preachy, holier-than-thou, useless list.) Second of all, OP, here's why you're wrong on four out of five counts: 1. You absolutely can feed 300 people on $5000.  Plenty of people in this thread have done it, so I don't really feel the need to belabor the point.  If you meant "You can't have 300 people at the Ritz Carlton on a $5000 budget," then you should've said that instead. 1B.  My wedding totally was "the social event of the season" in my family's circle.  My parents have an extremely large, close-knit group of friends who have raised their children together for the last 30 years, and when one of us gets married, it's a BIG.  DEAL.   Everyone goes all out to attend everyone else's kids' weddings, and there are definitely hurt feelings when some are invited to weddings but not others.  They care, and it matters.  That's not me trying to be a super-cool speshul-snowflake, that's reality in my parents' social circle.  Your circle is apparently small enough that "cut your list to 15 people" is possible for you, and that's cool, but that's not the solution for everyone; heck, it's not even possible for everyone to have an "immediate family only" list that's that small, depending on how many siblings/sets of parents/number of kids they have.  If you'd rather feed 15 people caviar than 300 people hot dogs on a $5000 budget, have at it, but you can kiss the fattest part of my @ss if you think I should've cut over a hundred people who love me and wanted to see me get married from my guest list just because the full meal I offered them wasn't swank enough for your personal taste. 2. Isn't Martha Stewart actually Martha Stewart?  So if she was getting married, she could bake her own cupcakes?  What about people who are/are related to professional bakers or chefs?  What about people who are just really darned good home cooks and enjoy cooking for people?  Should they skip out on something they enjoy doing because you think that this kind of work should only be done by "professionals"? 3. Sure, you could be a bridezilla... or, you could happen to have a totally BSC family.  This is a stupid blanket rule. 4.  I'll concede on this one.  Do-over "weddings" are squicky. 5.  I have friends who got married in a room with a perfect view of the NYC skyline for $1000.  (They had a friend living in a luxury condo building in Jersey City who hooked them up with the condo building's amazing party room for free, and they spent about $1000 on food for a cocktail-hour party.)  Deals exist if you get creative. So, yeah, 4 out of 5 of your "general rules" are cr@p.  Also, you're a superior, snobbish brat and I don't like you.  So there's that.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/12/2ad3308d-1d70-411a-9c87-76d32e1e1e87.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img style="width:265px;height:133px;" src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/12/2ad3308d-1d70-411a-9c87-76d32e1e1e87.medium.jpg" alt="" width="266" height="109" /></a>
  • Options
    Wedding food made by professionals is usually gross crap and I only pretend not to hate it to be polite. That is all.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:626b7761-a3ea-4450-8906-9e481a038ebe">Re:5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]Steph, your family sounds a lot like our circle or theatre people. There was no way to cut our list down in any significant way without a LOT of hurt feelings from friends that we not only love but work with on a regular basis. So when the budget went from 10k to 5k, the ONLY things that werent negotiable were paying for the WP's attire because we already offered and cutting the guestlist. We moved freaking venues and ate a 900 deposit and changed the entire wedding plan, including time of day, to make sure we had the ability to properly host everyone.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



    Glad I'm not the only one with a group of "family" like this. I was worried I was going to sound kind of like a twuntwaffle with that particular portion of my response, but it's the truth, so I went with it.

    Side note, I have apparently used the word twuntwaffle often enough on my iPad that I have actually trained my iPad to recognize it as a real word.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Options
    Wow...this was pretty...crazy to say the least.  Reading all of these posts, I was just smh and so glad that I didnt post something like this.

    I actually found a VERY nice venue, with everything included AND a waters view (actually was on the shore of the water)..for under $5,000- for over 100 people.  Yup.
    God is Faithful!
  • Options
    Ps- we didnt choose this one though, since we changed our date and water and winter don't really mix in upstate NY.  but the point is- they do exist and some people can find them.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_5-rules-that-will-instantly-fix-every-wedding-problem-you-have?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3a04b47-0b0f-406a-8b43-86144fb501f6Post:24ebc252-f72b-4250-a5a1-6f760bef54c1">Re: 5 Rules That Will Instantly Fix Every Wedding Problem You Have</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow...this was pretty...crazy to say the least.  Reading all of these posts, I was just smh and so glad that I didnt post something like this. I actually found a VERY nice venue, with everything included AND a waters view (actually was on the shore of the water)..for under $5,000- for over 100 people.  Yup.
    Posted by WonderfulSavior[/QUOTE]
    God is Faithful!
  • Options
    Not that it isn't clear that this advice is incorrect already, but it doesn't take region into account at all.

    Our venue was really high quality, but since I live in a really low population state, it was like 1,200.00
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Options
    But since there is no such thing as a price difference between geographical regions, or different kinds of weddings, this is totes right on.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards