I got married back over the early summer and am still struggling from time to time with the same challenge and I am in hopes that "common sense" will be prevailing and soon from you all. My H has a narcissist in his life that made our dating / engagement/short wedding life hell at times. I mean she would go out of her way to be disrespectful of me whenever. I went online a few times just as a means to vent / or gain "common sense" that I was lacking due to my own insecurities on this board. We've (my H) and I have been in therapy ... two times a month to deal with such insecurities since our wedding. I have come to the conclusion with help that I am only responsible for myself, am focusing on the positive, and taking small steps where I can (and when). Rather I was until Super Bowl Sunday. That is when things went out of control for me. It was a big step for me to trust him and be in the same room with this woman who does what she does. With saying that ... I tried to continue to focus on the positives in my life and the here and now. We had a huge trip planned back to my hometown, ended up having the time of my life. He said he had a great time too. The stupid stuff is ... again she is a narcissist and wanted to apologize on Super Bowl Sunday for being disrespectful to me for give / take three years. My H believed her. They are friends, she is married to his friend. I, on the other hand, don't. I have come to far to believe this line. I realize she wants access to my husband ... who she adores and calls herself his girlfriend and is the only one responsible for his happiness. I realize this is my opportunity to unload three years of frustration and move forward. Yet I have tried to do such a thing in the past last January. I asked that we just agree to disagree, she treats me better, due to having all the same friends/social group. She played the victim to my H and I shut down. I mean I almost cancelled the wedding until he agreed to therapy. I can say that we have made strides. We had a nice pleasant X-mas holiday party where she attended and I didn't go crazy. I sat there and laughed my butt off since she paraded around behind my husband like a puppy to get 10 Iminutes of his time. Funny thing was ... I had a session scheduled before the party and after the party so I was prepared. My next session is not until next Thursday and I am going secretly crazy if you will (pardon the pun) because my H thinks it would be the best idea in the world and life as a couple will change. Like I will make huge steps in tolerating this woman who is a complete narcissist and per therapy is incapable of change.
Another part of the "stupid" stuff that I am stressing over is ... nothing will change. I feel like I am in a Catch 22 if you will. I am the "attacker" if I go and listen to her and unload, she runs to my H and plays the victim. If I don't go - am the not taking steps to be healthy from his family and our friends. My H tries or so he says in therapy to be understanding of my insecurities. We have (now) open and long chats when my level of anxiety rises about social gathers where she is concerned. I try and go to them all despite her presence because I want to trust my husband and be a more healthy person. Yet while we were back in my hometown, a random guy made the comment and I will catch hell for saying this ... the random stranger made a comment that I have my husband's back and how that must feel great, but I don't feel @ times feel the same when it concerns her. You have no idea how many hours I try to re-focus and re-focus and think positive thoughts since he made that comment. I do realize I am over-reacting and the challenge is not her, as she will never change. Tell me again that I am over-reacting and go have like 10 more sessions because of this posting ...