Newly engaged and already having MOH issues...

krmabojo

My FI and I are not getting married until Spring 2011 but a friend of mine EXPECTS and ASSUMES she will be my MOH. I have not even planned the WP yet.

I do not know how to tell her that she is not my MOH because I did not promise anything to her. I have a feeling this is going to ruin the friendship, even though it will be on account of her own assumptions.

When it comes time to decide on a WP, should I ask her to be my MOH to keep the peace or let her know that I have chosen someone else?

MyNameIsNot

You shouldn't choose a WP until 6-9 months in advance.  If she says anything between now and then, keep repeating that it's much too early to make those decisions and change the subject.  Hopefully over the next few months, you'll have a little more clarity about where the friendship stands and is headed.

When the time comes, you should ask only your closest friends to be your attendants.  If this girl is one, great, ask her.  If she's not, don't ask her.  Asking her to avoid hurting her feelings is probably going to lead to drama.

I've got to say, if you aren't that close and gets herself all worked up over this, she's being really childish and I don't see how it's really all that worth it. 

Manda724

I agree with what was said above.... but you can ask people to be your wedding at anytime... but if you don't want her in the wedding you don't have to... I have had friends that have thought that they were in the wedding but weren't... Don't make a big deal about it and don't ask her to do anything wedding related until you pick your wedding party.

jeannigirl

Bean dip, bean dip, bean dip.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_newly-engaged-already-having-moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6ee171a-6490-43c5-baa4-23b681b03189Post:8256aaeb-6359-461f-bb74-7120602aab3c">Newly engaged and already having MOH issues...</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are not getting married until Spring 2011 but a friend of mine EXPECTS and ASSUMES she will be my MOH. I have not even planned the WP yet. I do not know how to tell her that she is not my MOH because I did not promise anything to her. I have a feeling this is going to ruin the friendship, even though it will be on account of her own assumptions. When it comes time to decide on a WP, should I ask her to be my MOH to keep the peace or let her know that I have chosen someone else?
Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

First of all, if you're not getting married until spring 2011, wait until fall of 2010 to ask anyone.  If you're wondering why, stroll on over to the WP board to see the countless posts from brides who asked as early as you did and now regret it.

Second, you tell the people you want in your WP.  You DON'T tell people why you're NOT choosing them.  How does that conversation go?  "Well, you think we're close, but I don't so I'm asking other people."

Choose the WP you want.  If you want her as a BM, ask her.  If you don't want her the WP at all, don't ask.  If she's gauche enough to ask, tell her that you're keeping your WP small, but you look forward to having her as a guest at the wedding.