HELP! I honestly dont know what to do!!!!

camo_princess

Okay My mom and I have just recently started to get along really well, you know past the teenage rebellion period, and whatnot. My mom is SUPER excited about the up coming wedding, and honestly you would think I would be to but its starting to turn into a nightmare! All she talks about is the wedding which is great cause especially since we have started to finally get close I want her input, but she is SO negtive about EVERYTHING and every idea I have about MY wedding she says is stupid or ugly. I honestly dont know what to do. My fiance is getting highly upset about it cause she usually calls me during the day and by the time he gets home from work I am in tears and very upset, when this should be the happiest time of my life. My fiance says he is considering making  a list of rules for anyone involved in planning the wedding Rule #1 Dont make Amanda cry.... and so forth and at the end of these rules saying that to anyone who breaks them will be told what to wear to the wedding and that we will see them there that there input is no longer needed. Part of me kinda wants to do it lol. but I really dont want to hurt my mom's feelings I am her only daughter. HELP anyone all advice welcome!!!!!!!

SarahPLiz

Is your mother paying for the wedding? If not, just stop discussing it with her. Tell her, Mom, I appreciate that you are interested, but FI and I would like to plan this our way and don't want you to be stressed about it at all. We would like your experience as an honored guest to be wonderful and we are doing our best to accomplish that.

If she IS paying, then you have an added issue. Money always comes with strings. You will most likey have to compromise with her on some of the things she wants to do. If she is paying completely and doesn't like your ideas, then let her go with it and YOU and FI just show up with the appripriate attire and get married. Your only other option is to refuse her money.. then read paragraph 1 again. Good Luck!

526SadieSadie

Amanda, I'm so sorry you're having issues with your mom!  Is she typically critical of things that you like or could it maybe be that she wants everything to be completely perfect for you and nothing is good enough?  Keep your chin up!!  I agree with SarahPLiz, if your mom isn't paying, she doesn't really have a say.  Can you maybe take her out to lunch and have a heart to heart?  "Mom, I love you and I'm so glad that you want to be involved and it's great that we're past the problems that we had when I was growing up, but this is my wedding and I need support from you...."  It might be worth a try, she might not notice that she's dumping on all of your ideas....

Pirata13

I was also going to suggest just having a heart to heart with her about how her comments are making you feel. As PPs have said, if she is paying, she gets some leeway so if she doesn't like your idea for favors, you may have to work with her to find something you both like. If she's not paying for anything, then just explain that you know that you have different tastes and like different things, but that it really upsets you when she makes negative comments about everything you suggest.  She may not even realize she is being THAT negative. And you can always remind her that she had HER wedding, and that this is yours and you'd like her support.

Please tell your FI to put away his ridiculous list of rules. Wedding planning can be exciting & fun, but can also be very stressful. I have cried over things on my own, it's going to happen. You need to talk to your mom and if she continues to make you upset, then you need to decide how much you want to talk to her about things. YOU are in control of this.

culbycheese

Amanda, I totally know how you feel. My mom was so excited, and all of a sudden had a negative opinion about everything. She hated all the reception places we liked, kept telling me what we should do, etc. It got to the point that FI called her and said that it was fine for her to have an opinion, but that she needed to be more constructive and drop it if we weren't buying what she was selling. She cried to me about how much he cared about me, then rattled off a couple more things that she hated about the place we wanted to book. That set off the nasty "It's your wedding, do what you want" phase of planning.

I finally got to the point where I now show her what I'm doing when things are mostly done. I don't share my ideas with her, or ask her opinion- which actually hurts because I want her to be a part of it, but I can't take the "why don't you do this" or even better, the lady she works with keeps giving her the people her daughters went with, and she offers to eat the deposits we've paid if we go with them. Um, excuse me? I'M your daughter.

Sorry for my long rant, but at the end of the day, it's up to you to set boundaries. Like a PP said, tell your mom you are so glad to be sharing this incredible day with her but you aren't understanding the negative feedback. My FI thinks that she's this way because it's not what my mom would do if SHE was getting married, but SHE is not. My grandma has been the same way and has said flat out it's not how she'd do it, but everyone needs to understand it's your day!

Oh, and don't do the list. That will NOT go over well. It's good he wants to protect and support you, but not at the expense of pi$$ing off everyone else.