Happy, then kind of bummed.

LizziebeeUT

One of my bridesmaids sent me a message today asking me to compile a guest list for my bridal shower. I was way excited, because I didn't think they were going to do that for me. Than it hit me, I really don't have any girlfriends.
The only people I can think to invite are my three bridesmaids. (One of which, my sister-in-law, probably won't be able to come because she lives out of town.) and my mom. 

I'm not getting whiney because I won't have an epic bridal shower, or bachelorette party, it just reminds me of the fact that I don't have a lot of friends and makes me feel way depressed

ok, pity party over.

Osterizer

I know what you're saying.  I felt the same way about my shower and wedding.  Over the years, I've cut out a lot of toxic friends.  My MOH was my BFF who I've known since we were three. 

I work with all men, so befriending women is impossible at work.  Through H and his friends, I've managed to befriend the wives and GFs.  Over the last few months, we've got close, but it still sucks to not have a group of friends that know all the old stories and inside jokes.

LizziebeeUT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:f5a32fd8-7b22-474a-a97c-bc4edca006a8">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]I know what you're saying.  I felt the same way about my shower and wedding.  Over the years, I've cut out a lot of toxic friends.  My MOH was my BFF who I've known since we were three.  I work with all men, so befriending women is impossible at work.  Through H and his friends, I've managed to befriend the wives and GFs.  Over the last few months, we've got close, <strong>but it still sucks to not have a group of friends that know all the old stories and inside jokes.</strong>
Posted by Osterizer[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what bums me out. I know it may seem kind of silly, but its sucks not to have any girlfriends I could call up right now and they would have my back. Even my bridesmaids (except for my SIL) are flakey and pretty uninterested in being my friend.
I have a  lot of acquaintances, but not a lot of "friends"

Osterizer

How long have you known your BMs? Do they appear uninterested in the wedding or hanging out with you in general? I've noticed on these boards that some friendships can fall apart during engagements. 

RailWayWife

Im in the same boat as you ladies. it seems everyone is starting to go thier own ways.

LizziebeeUT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:173d29ae-d892-413c-b82b-0c02de08d5e2">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]How long have you known your BMs? Do they appear uninterested in the wedding or hanging out with you in general? I've noticed on these boards that some friendships can fall apart during engagements. 
Posted by Osterizer[/QUOTE]

I've known both of my local BM's for about two years. I used to work with one, and she seems more interested in my wedding than being my friend. She never really wants to do anything with me unless its me going to her girl's nights. She even wants me to bring my centerpieces to girl's night so they can all work on it. I don't really like the other girls she hangs out with and don't want to hand over all my wedding stuff to them.

The other one is my FI's best friend's wife. She is WAAAAY flakey. We'll make plans and EVERYtime she will either flat out cancel, or asks me to change the plans and go over to her house.

We were never super-duper best friends to begin with, but I thought we were better friends than this.

jjolovich

Just started working on the guest lists and i am realizing the same thing, i have "friends" but they are more aquantances, i wasn't invited to some of there weddings. So i am in a limbo on inviting them to mine. Its interesting you really kind of find out who you really think your friends with when weddings are in the picture!!

Osterizer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:eb9e4573-0340-47b6-a3cf-dc6062dd513d">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy, then kind of bummed. : I've known both of my local BM's for about two years. <strong>I used to work with one, and she seems more interested in my wedding than being my friend. She never really wants to do anything with me unless its me going to her girl's nights. She even wants me to bring my centerpieces to girl's night so they can all work on it. I don't really like the other girls she hangs out with and don't want to hand over all my wedding stuff to them.</strong> The other one is my FI's best friend's wife. She is WAAAAY flakey. We'll make plans and EVERYtime she will either flat out cancel, or asks me to change the plans and go over to her house. We were never super-duper best friends to begin with, but I thought we were better friends than this.
Posted by LizziebeeUT[/QUOTE]

Maybe she recognizes that you don't have a lot of girlfriends and would like to see you develop friendships with these girls? Does she know that you don't particularly care for them?

It's seems like she wants to help you out with the wedding, but getting her friends involved with the centerpieces is a bit odd.

Osterizer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:bdca5bd7-cf2a-4799-bef0-b808caefed9c">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]Just started working on the guest lists and i am realizing the same thing, i have "friends" but they are more aquantances, i wasn't invited to some of there weddings. So i am in a limbo on inviting them to mine. Its interesting you really kind of find out who you really think your friends with when weddings are in the picture!!
Posted by jjolovich[/QUOTE]

Making the guest list was a tad depressing for me.  TK has a lovely feature where they give you the percentage of his guests versus yours.  I think it was something ridiculous like 70 to 30.  We had a total of 13 tables at the wedding (not including the sweetheart table) and only 4 belonged to "my people".  In all fairness, over the years a lot of 'his people" have become my people, too. 

LizziebeeUT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:7d1a2006-69ac-4703-88b5-fcce8c0ccd58">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy, then kind of bummed. : <strong>Maybe she recognizes that you don't have a lot of girlfriends and would like to see you develop friendships with these girls?</strong> Does she know that you don't particularly care for them? It's seems like she wants to help you out with the wedding, but getting her friends involved with the centerpieces is a bit odd.
Posted by Osterizer[/QUOTE]

That's what I thought at first too, but she never wants to do anything without them. Anytime I talk about doing something, wedding related or not, she always says we could do it for girls night.

I've never talked to her about her friends, and its not so much that I don't like them, just that I don't really fit in with that group. I went to one girl's night and they literally just sat and talked about their periods and diets the entire time. I'm not like that at all.

edit:
[QUOTE]TK has a lovely feature where they give you the percentage of his guests versus yours.[/QUOTE]
That totally gets to me too! lol, his list is about three times bigger than mine.

achiduck

What about your aunts and female cousins? Or barring that FI's aunts and famale cousins?

LizziebeeUT

My mom only has a brother, I'm not close with my dad's side of the family, and my only female cousin lives in Virginia.

lol, its even more depressing when its written down.

Osterizer

Achiduck has a point.  H's family filled in the space quite nicely at my shower.  Does your FI have a lot of family?

Osterizer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:744d40d4-df13-4a64-8ca6-e3ba0b21f34e">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Happy, then kind of bummed. : That's what I thought at first too, but <strong>she never wants to do anything without them.</strong> Anytime I talk about doing something, wedding related or not, she always says we could do it for girls night. I've never talked to her about her friends, and its not so much that I don't like them, just that I don't really fit in with that group. I went to one girl's night and they literally just sat and talked about their periods and diets the entire time. I'm not like that at all. edit: That totally gets to me too! lol, his list is about three times bigger than mine.
Posted by LizziebeeUT[/QUOTE]

That's odd.  Maybe she feels like you don't have a lot in common and uses the girls as a buffer.  I would keep pushing to spend one-on-one time with her.  It might end up being an activity you don't necessarily want to do, but it's something.

LoisLane007

Most my friends are men, so my shower consisted mostly of my aunts and cousins. No worries, family is great!

Queen Jane

I get it. ALL my friends are in other states, and there's not a ton of them. I didn't expect any parties. We had a small one that SIL threw one time when my mom happened to be in town. A lot of H's aunts who couldn't make it to the wedding came and it was nice. I did not have a bachelorette.

For the wedding, I had 5 BM's and H had 11 GM. I was a little wierd about it during planning, but it was NBD when the time came. We had a big bar crawl mixer 2 days before the wedding when everyone got to town and friend groups mixed so well it was like we were all old buddies by wedding day.

Osterizer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_happy-then-kind-of-bummed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f0b7cf94-c7a6-4600-bd61-60f6c4d0b2fePost:4167986d-b742-4129-8a1a-4595734b68b6">Re: Happy, then kind of bummed.</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand those feelings completely.....friends kind of drift in and out of your life once you start getting older, and out on your own. You move around and stuff. Accept the shower, though.  Lots of them are small events, and you'll be able to have the memory/tradition along in a real, intimate social setting. <strong>Some showers nowadays are almost impersonal due to large guest lists.</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This.  I attended a wedding shower that had 80 to 100 guests.  I thought it was ridiculous.  There was no gift opening -- thank God! Imagine how long that would have taken.  But, I'm of the mindset that I bought you a gift, I want to see you open it -- this is a shower after all! The whole thing felt like "hey come to our party, eat some food, drop off your gift, oh and pay for your own drinks, too!" It made me appreciate my 20 person shower.

[Deleted User]

Yeah, same here.  I've got a good friend in another state, and a friend in this state that I see once every...half a year, it seems?  So, I know what you mean.  Yay for TK though, lol.  It's nice to be able to talk to other girls on here.