MOH back out

FinFan

my fiance and i decided we were only going to have a MOH and a BM long ago.  the only person i ever wanted to be in my small wedding party decided, for personal reasons, that she no longer wanted to participate. well that's fine and dandy whatever, but i don't have anybody else that could take her place.  the issue is is it acceptable to not have any wedding party?

Viczaesar

Yes.

kaylynn32

Most definitely. I'm the type of person who has a small group of best friends and not many acquaintances. I would love to have a small wedding comprised of just that group of friends and my parents, my future in-laws, and some close friends of my fiance, but of course he wants to invite everyone he's ever met (...men). Smaller weddings are much more intimate and, in my opinion, more meaningful. I feel like weddings have become so commercialized that the bride and groom are mainly concerned with how they will please their guests and put on a show for them, rather than the actual celebration of two becoming one.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_moh-back-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f64c9a3a-f8ef-4123-9f53-9f7cd205b758Post:530bde2b-3ff0-40dc-9d5d-0067769f32b4">MOH back out</a>:
[QUOTE]my fiance and i decided we were only going to have a<strong> MOH and a BM</strong> long ago.  the only person i ever wanted to be in my small wedding party decided, for personal reasons, that she no longer wanted to participate. well that's fine and dandy whatever, but i don't have anybody else that could take her place.  <strong>the issue is is it acceptable to not have any wedding party?</strong>
Posted by FinFan[/QUOTE]
I just want to make sure I"m understanding your use of the term wedding party.  The wedding party is the officiant, bride, groom and all attendants.  There may be as many or as few attendants as the bride and groom desire.<div>
</div><div>It is perfectly acceptable (and actually, preferable, as to replace your MOH would require you to choose a "runner up" and that's just not right) to have no attendants on one or both sides.  It would NOT be acceptable for you to have no wedding party at this time if your FI has already asked his BM - in other words, you still have a wedding party of you, your FI, his BM and your officiant.  You cannot ask FI to un-ask his BM.  Make sense?</div>

Nindakay

What about your mom?  My FI and I decided to have our parents stand up with us, instead of attendants.

achiduck

Yes, it's perfectly fine to go without a wedding party. Just have your parents sign the marriage license.

smmessinger

Let him have still have a best man. Who says there are rules? It's your wedding day and you can have what makes you happy. I have six brides maids and my husband to be has three groomsmen. Instead of him finding three more I will have three of my wedding party walk by theirselves.

FinFan

Ugh.  My mother already stepped up to the plate and offered to replace the original MOH, but she is going to have a million other duties that day (she is going to be our caterer!) that I couldn't possibly throw something else at her.  The BM just fell off the face of the earth.  We haven't seen him since Christmas so I think that is a lost cause as well.  Which makes the whole MOH backing out thing a little easier.  Thank you for your help!  I think we may cut out the wedding party since the wedding party already cut us out!  Or I may go with a ManOH if the BM comes back around...

JoyfulBride2012

I love this idea! Parents instead of attendants, brilliant  

Edit !! I don't know why it's not letting me respond to other comments on this. But yea, I like the idea of parents standing in as attendants.

The MOH thing doesn't make any sense. Honestly, I would make time to see the MOH to catch up. So much planning can go into weddings that sometimes we can get caught up in everything and sometimes overlook the obvious.. or be too busy to notice anything's wrong. I mean usually MOH's are like your best friend right-- so personal reasons? Something is definitely up if she can't even tell you. Find out how she's really doing and what is really going on. Best friends don't commite to that and then back out without something deeper going on.

If she is still out after that; talk to your hunny. What about a sister, or future sister-in-law? If not, express your concerns to your FH and see what best suits you two. Ediquette might say otherwise about un-asking the Best Man, but remember it's about you and your FH and personally my FH having someone by his side and me missing mine would distract me. See what's best for the two of you! I'm sure if needed, your FH can discuss with his best friend, the Best Man his concerns and why he feels to do what he's doing. I know it won't be easy, and maybe the Best Man will be sad, but I think he should understand. 

Honesty is key, I think with all this. You being honest with the MOH and your husband...

Him being honest with his Best Man....

And more importantly you being honest with yourself.. and you and your FH with each other.

Best Wishes

JoyfulBride2012

I just saw the update. 

A caterer AND a MOH!?! Woww that's wayy too much. Is your mother chipping in for the wedding? ....don't let anyone else plan your day for you! Only you know what's best and only you know what you want! Afterall, it's supposed to be about you and your FH; not your family's idea of a dream wedding.

RetreadBride, where are you getting your information from? One of the first things you do when you get engaged is select your Bridal Party if you choose to have one. You don't wait 'til you get closer to the wedding date because people want to know that info right away-- like almost as soon as an engagement is announced! 

.....and there's nothing for a wedding party to do now!?! Are you kidding me!?! There's TONS.... why wait 'til last minute anyways? And regarding attire; why would you wait six months before the day to decide what look suits the Bridal Party? 

...always, ALWAYS... do what you can do NOW so you can relax more as the wedding date draws near instead of worrying... "Ok, I need to do this, this, and this.. and OH... I still need to do this.........."

FinFan, if you're a DIY kind of Bride-- you'll need some helping hands; those things can take time. Believe me, especially if you're detailed person. Get some family together for pizza or whatever food you like... maybe do a potluck, watch some of your favorite movies and do some wedding crafts.

Don't let some bumps in the road distract you from the fact that you are going to walk down that aisle next year, and marry the man you love!! ))

FinFan

the weddings first date was set for this coming june thats why we're "early".  due to financial issues it had to be moved back a year.  the MOH has had problems with the groom from the start. one insignificant event happened and she immediately backed out even though it didnt involve her whatsoever. so i was thinking she didnt even want to do it in the first place, and was just looking for a reason to back out. thats the way it seems. but if she does come around do i let her back in or not? for fear of a drama fueled wedding?