Chit Chat

When does a long engagment turn weird?

Yes,  I'm in a long engagement for various reasons (the economy, grad school loans, etc.). It works for us and everyone close understands our particular situation, but strangers tend to have gut reactions.

So strangers tell me your gut reaction, when does a long engagement turn weird?
(Don't worry this is more a general thing)

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Married 9/15/11

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*This is Not Legal Advice*

Re: When does a long engagment turn weird?

  • 2 years is fine, IMHO, but much longer than that sounds like someone isn't ready.  I agree w/PPs, why even get engaged if you are years from being ready to get married, know what I mean?  
  • The point of an engagement is to plan your wedding.  Back in the day, they use to give each other promise rings.  That was to say "one day (maybe years from now) I will marry you.  But when you got engaged you planned a wedding and got married.  I know a lot of people that said they were glad they had a 2 year engagement because it allowed them to take their time planning their wedding.  I will have a one year engagement and it was plenty of time for me.  But anything over two years seems more like a promise ring then an engagement ring to me.  
  • My uncle has been engaged to his FI for like 8 years. With 4 failed marriages between them, they have no desire to get married again. But it works for them, so whatever. it's not weird for them, or for our family, maybe because they are older and we understand where they're coming from.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagment-turn-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f64dfb73-453f-4b36-9357-99bbf7c7f948Post:1a378212-cfd0-4e16-9d54-380f56bf48af">Re: When does a long engagment turn weird?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My uncle has been engaged to his FI for like 8 years. With 4 failed marriages between them, they have no desire to get married again. But it works for them, so whatever. it's not weird for them, or for our family, maybe because they are older and we understand where they're coming from.
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    <div>Why are they engaged, then? It sounds like unmarried togetherness works perfectly for them, I wouldn't even both being engaged.  Obviously, it sounds like they don't want to do it! </div>
  • That's the first time I've been called a stranger..... lol.... the point of an engagement is to announce and plan.... after 2 years people may start to wonder what's up. But it's solely up to the couple but that doesn't mean people won't make their own judgements.
  • cukimerrydollcukimerrydoll member
    First Comment
    edited March 2010
    Two years is starting to get a bit long... but with how our "wedding season" is here, it can take more than that to get the best venues.

    At three years, it gets weird.  Tastes are going to change over three years, so there wouldn't be much "planning" taking place for a year or two, which defeats the purpose of the engagement.
  • I'd say over two years.

    I myself have a long engagement because I wanted to convert to the Catholic church before we were married. In order to get married at the church though I have to have a previous marriage annuled. It's a process that takes about a year, and the church won't let me set a wedding date until it's done. Then, the wedding date will be at least six monhs in the future. I don't mind it too terribly much, but I am anxious to have my actual date set!
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  • 2 years is the max to me.  There's no need to have longer than that to plan a wedding.  If it's a money/school issue, that's one thing, but 2 years is plenty of time.
  • I went with 3 years...nowadays alot of couples feel that they need to save up for a year or more to pay for the wedding that they want.

    We have set a date, but it's still not until next summer...but that's more or less because I have to get my divorce finalized (long and agonizing story, short version...abusive husband) before we feel comfortable making any commitments as far as venues, etc.  For all I know, my ex will try to drag our divorce out as long as he can so that I can't be happy (or so he thinks...)

    We do have a few venues in mind, and have a cake and photos and some of the bigger details set up, though...
  • To me its about if your actually planning a wedding, if your planning but it takes you 3 or more years to get that perfect place and so on fine, but if you don't actually plan during the time, your not really engaged.  As soon as you have a date, or even a month that is set, then it really starts.  (that being said its fine to be engaged for a few weeks before the actual planning starts, but months? not so much) 
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  • 2 years.  What is the point of being engaged for loner than that?  If you know you want to get married, you can just as easily accomplish all your goals married as you can engaged.  I would start to question if you were serious about getting married.
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  • Meh, FI just wanted to get a ring on my finger before I went back to school.  We'll be getting married just shy of two years after we got engaged, but had it taken longer for me to finish my degree, we would have waited it out.

    One of my friends has been engaged for 3 years, and no firm plans have been made.  They know what they want (a simple DW in Mexico since her FI's family lives there), but they just haven't been able to save up for it.  They just recently moved from Los Angeles to Kansas City so they can finally start to set aside some money.  I imagine it will probably be another year or two before the wedding actually happens.  I never found it weird.
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  • IMO, it depends on the situation. By the time I'm "married" (we will be having a courthouse wedding relatively soon, but will be holding our "WEDDING" in scotland,) we will have been engaged a little over 2 years. I am already knee deep in planning though, and intend to keep busy on it right until the end. Some consider my situation odd, but...who cares? Another example: my MOH has been engaged for a year, and she doesn't intend to have the ceremony for another 4. Her reason is that she is dead set on it being on a saturday, and on their anniversary, and that happens to be the first year the two come together. She's not planning, which is odd to me, but...as I said, who cares?

    Long story short, everyone has a different story, different reasons, and different opinions. If you can stand being engaged for 6 years? Go for it. Not my cup of tea, but oh well. And as for the funny looks from strangers...enjoy em. In fact, if I were you, I'd ham it up and see how funny those looks can get! then again, I'm a pain in the butt.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagment-turn-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f64dfb73-453f-4b36-9357-99bbf7c7f948Post:eedb497a-55f7-43e0-9d85-ce6bc85eeb10">Re: When does a long engagment turn weird?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would not say weird, but I think it would be annoying to go through two Thanksgivings or Two X-mas's still engaged. I just do not want to hear it from family.
    Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

    Good point; people started harrassing me a month in!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_long-engagment-turn-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f64dfb73-453f-4b36-9357-99bbf7c7f948Post:eedb497a-55f7-43e0-9d85-ce6bc85eeb10">Re: When does a long engagment turn weird?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would not say weird, but I think it would be annoying to go through two Thanksgivings or Two X-mas's still engaged. I just do not want to hear it from family.
    Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

    Oh heavens that would be awful!!  We were engaged for only two weeks and people were already questioning had we set the date and when we thought we were having children, etc. etc.
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