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bridesmaid

if i have asked a friend to be a bridesmaid  and my wedding is in 9 days and she has done absolutely nothing to help me   but has time for social activities  does she still recieve a bridesmaid gift from me ???

Re: bridesmaid

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    does she have a dress?  Shoes?  Will she walk down the aisle?  

    I've been a BM a few times and did nothing other than show up (was OOT) and I still got gifts.   I had 2 BMs who didn't do anything and I still gave them gifts.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f6e39f1e-bbd6-45d4-8880-97db2d934ba9Post:7acec30d-823b-407c-8485-652d4fac2dcf">bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]if i have asked a friend to be a bridesmaid  and my wedding is in 9 days and she has done absolutely nothing to help me   but has time for social activities  does she still recieve a bridesmaid gift from me ???
    Posted by spiderknees[/QUOTE]

    What did you expect her to help you with? BMs are not obligated to help with anything wedding-planning-related. You should be asking your FI for help since it is his wedding too. If she has gotten the dress and is able to show up on your wedding day, all is good.

    Did you seriously expect her to drop everything, including her social life, to help plan your wedding? I hope not and that you just explained this poorly. Because if so, that is super crappy.


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    The fact that you would even ask this is shitty beyond words.
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    I am so VERY sorry your friend apparently didn't tie enough ribbons onto bubble wands for your super special princess day, but assuming she bought the dress and will be showing up for the wedding, yes, she gets a gift. Also, if we told you it was cool not to get her a gift, what were you going to do? Give all your other bridesmaids presents in front of her and then be all "But no gifts for Suzy, because she's an unhelpful skank."? I mean, REALLY?!? Grow the eff up. ASAP. You're about to be a married woman, stop acting like a character from the movie Mean Girls.
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    OP, just keep doing this until you knock enough sense in you to realize how dumb and bridezillaish the question you just asked is.


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    My bridesmaids were 1)my teenage daughter, who was happy to be part of it, but rarely home. Ever. And just not interested in wedding hoop-la. 2)My sister who lives 3000 miles away 3)a good friend who lives 6 hours away & is in grad school, and 4)my MOH, who lives here. The one who lives here helped me fold invitations one night because she stopped by randomly & saw my chaos & a bottle of wine. I never asked anyone for help except for the man I was getting ready to marry, because it was his wedding too.

    Each girl got a gift, several actually, because I wanted to show I was really grateful to have them there. When I looked around the living room the night before the wedding, curled up with my 4 favorite ladies in the world, watching a chick flick, I wanted to burst with happiness that they could be close to me for our wedding. They didn't have to lift a finger for me to feel that way.
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    A Bridesmaid has no major obligations to you except to show up in the dress you requested her to wear. It would be absolutely rude for you not to give her a gift.
    A MOH on the other hand is the one that should be helping you out, but there are different opinions on what her job role is. Some think that the MOH should help with the planning of the wedding and some think that she should only help on the day of the wedding.
    I'm an easy going bride and my moh is the same. If I need help she helps...just like any friend would, but I don't take advantage of her either just because she has the moh title.

    In the end get your bm a gift and stop expecting so much of her. It's not her role.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f6e39f1e-bbd6-45d4-8880-97db2d934ba9Post:087034e7-4c01-47e2-8739-f78cd5436916">Re: bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]A Bridesmaid has no major obligations to you except to show up in the dress you requested her to wear. It would be absolutely rude for you not to give her a gift. <strong>A MOH on the other hand is the one that should be helping you out</strong>, but there are different opinions on what her job role is. Some think that the MOH should help with the planning of the wedding and some think that she should only help on the day of the wedding. I'm an easy going bride and my moh is the same. If I need help she helps...just like any friend would, but I don't take advantage of her either just because she has the moh title. In the end get your bm a gift and stop expecting so much of her. It's not her role.
    Posted by mrsbiss2be[/QUOTE]

    Um, the bolded part is just wrong.  The MOH has the exact same requirements as the BM, to buy the dress and show up looking presentable and on time for your wedding.  I guess you can also say that they should also fix the train, hold the bouquet, and sign the marriage license if needed, but besides any of that the MOH does not have to help the bride do any wedding planning whatsoever.

    The point of the wedding party is to honor your nearest and dearest, NOT to put together a wedding planning committee.

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    *grumble*
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    I would say yes. You dont want to lose a friend over it. What seems like a big deal now, wont a few months after your wedding...
    good luck
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