meanness?

erinh21

why are some girls on here so mean? it's petty and sad. i came here looking for a sounding board but will likely not be back. i am not the first girl of my 7 friends to get married this year who eventually had to leave the knot. what the heck is wrong with everyone?

Sonita12

I found the same thing when I first started using the knot and was a bit discouraged, but I think it depends on what board you go to. I frequent my "wedding month board" (June 2011) and everyone is so helpful and supportive. The Knot can be a really good resource if you find a board that works for you. I hope that helps!

ehathewa

Chit chat tends to be pretty nice... Some of the other ones can get a little more rude, just lurk for a while before you decide where to post. 

[Deleted User]

I don't see where your issue is coming from. I read the post you made on E and everyone gave good advice. The only person who was overly mean or rude on that thread was you with your last comment to Kristen#s. Everyone else just gave advice.

Unless you mean you've noticed "meanness" just in lurking, in which case those comments aren't even directed to you so why get so upset over them?

aerinpegadrak

Ah, it's time for this post again.  I was just thinking that we were behind schedule for the monthly baseless chastisement.

erinh21

Actually, Kristin's post was very rude - calling someone pretentious without good reason or asking the circumstances is presumptious and demeaning. And it is mean, as I've "lurked" and heard horror stories from friends about ridiculous behavior on this website, and then she proved everything to be true. Another question - once you are married, what is the point of being on the Knot? Isn't that what the Nest and Bump are for? Or am I mistaken?

marissa_claire

I think the worst scenarios around here are when someone is about to make a huge breach of etiquette (in which case we're usually pleading, please don't do that!)  I also think a lot of things come off harsher in print than if we were speaking these words.  For the most part, no one calls others names or comments on anything outside what is being asked. 

I did check out your post too and didn't think it's bad.  There were a few harsh responses, but I totally understand if your venue had different requirements than most. 

stinkerbell6879

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:cd1bed96-b766-4c41-a197-75464f8d9309">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, Kristin's post was very rude - calling someone pretentious without good reason or asking the circumstances is presumptious and demeaning. And it is mean , as I've "lurked" and heard horror stories from friends about ridiculous behavior on this website, and then she proved everything to be true. Another question - once you are married, what is the point of being on the Knot?<strong> Isn't that what the Nest and Bump are for? Or am I mistaken?</strong>
Posted by erinh21[/QUOTE]
You are MISTAKEN! Sorry I got WAY better advice from the married ladies then any of the ones in the middle of planning! NO OFFENSE to those planning...It's just they have been there done that and can give real experience to back up an answer.

KaylaSue19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:cd1bed96-b766-4c41-a197-75464f8d9309">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, Kristin's post was very rude - calling someone pretentious without good reason or asking the circumstances is presumptious and demeaning. And it is mean , as I've "lurked" and heard horror stories from friends about ridiculous behavior on this website, and then she proved everything to be true. Another question - once you are married, what is the point of being on the Knot? Isn't that what the Nest and Bump are for? Or am I mistaken?
Posted by erinh21[/QUOTE]

You asked a question about RSVP's. Something that is handled within weeks of the wedding. How are people who are in the planning stage going to give you any advice. Many questions asked are better answered by someone who has gone through the ENTIRE process.

One out of the many posts had a little bit more attitude attached. Ignore the posts you don't like and take the advice of all the people who answer the questions.

People get frustrated on here when girls want validation on things most people disagree with. No one is going to validate a stupid idea, and everyone gets all upset when they are suggested not to do something.

waltzingmatilda13

That thread is far from mean. You got some really great advice over there. I don't think you'll help yourself though by responding to quite as harshly as you did kristen#s. And then starting a thread to vent about it on another board. People travel around and will see this post.

But everyone else is right, if you want the "puppies and rainbows" fun boards, find your local wedding board or your month board. The international boards tend to have their own feel and regular group of girls who have seen every questions 50 bazillion times already.

And a lot of brides stay here after their wedding because they have made friends  here, and quite frankly, thenest and thebump are scary, scary places. You should take a field trip over there and lurk a little, then you'll really appreciate the advice you got on E.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:cd1bed96-b766-4c41-a197-75464f8d9309">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, Kristin's post was very rude - calling someone pretentious without good reason or asking the circumstances is presumptious and demeaning. And it is mean , as I've "lurked" and heard horror stories from friends about ridiculous behavior on this website, and then she proved everything to be true. Another question - once you are married, what is the point of being on the Knot? Isn't that what the Nest and Bump are for? Or am I mistaken?
Posted by erinh21[/QUOTE]

Really? So one person's response proves all the horror stories to be true? Okay then. And if you've truly lurked, then you'd know that many of kristin's posts are like that and that most people don't agree with her.

As for your last question, it was answered in the post above me. And have you ever been to the Nest or Bump? If you think people here are mean, don't ever go over there. People stick around here because those boards can be damn scary.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:fee9f6d4-529e-4f6c-950a-58223d666094">meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]why are some girls on here so mean? it's petty and sad. i came here looking for a sounding board but will likely not be back. i am not the first girl of my 7 friends to get married this year who eventually had to leave the knot. what the heck is wrong with everyone?
Posted by erinh21[/QUOTE]

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:4673a2bb-6b73-4db0-8a08-8aa5b32c1b2d">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: meanness? : You are making me want to go be a lurker...but on TN b/c I don't want to lurk around babies and baby talk.  Ick.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

It's fun to lurk, just don't make the mistake of posting anything because it will not be pretty. Thebump is a whole different brand of scary.

tldh

Um.  You had one snarky response out of eleven.  As in real life, not everyone is going to agree with you.

And, you are in no position to lecture after posting this on the other thread in response to the one snarky post:

Kristin789,
You, my dear girl, are the exact reason I didn't want to - ever - post on the Knot. I'm going to clue you in on something....it's 2010, not 1910. Weddings have evolved into an entirely different animal altogether and while some traditional etiquette rules have stuck around, they are generally merely suggestions as each wedding and each bride are dealing with a different set of circumstances. Please don't call me pretentious as I promise you I am nothing of the sort and in fact, find you to be pretentious and very demeaning given your online Knottie persona. Our wedding is December 4th, but our venue is non-traditional and military affiliated, thus, there are a stricter set of rules and regulations with regards to our event that I must adhere to. Since I don't owe the Etiquette Police an explanation as to why I did things the way I did, I'll draw the line there. I hope you get a clue, and I'm glad you aren't a guest at MY wedding. Judgemental jerks aren't allowed.

I would highly suggest that you stick around because you will get better advice from these boards than anywhere else.  I promise you that every single one of us got ripped new ones when we first started.  There were a few girls I absolutely hated, but after checking myself and finally admitting that I was wrong in nearly every circumstance, I found that these women helped me plan the perfect wedding for me.

Also, married ladies stick around because we genuinely like the other women on these boards and most of us have a home board and because we like helping to plan weddings.

Finally, we can only respond to what you tell us...and this is a public forum so we will comment on whatever we think you need to be told - even if it wasn't part of your question because we don't want to see you offending any of your guests or making life more difficult for yourself.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:4673a2bb-6b73-4db0-8a08-8aa5b32c1b2d">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: meanness? : You are making me want to go be a lurker...but on TN b/c I don't want to lurk around babies and baby talk.  Ick.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

I've only been to TB a couple times, it was frightening. I've responded to posts on TN a few times, but not in awhile. But I've seen girls ripped apart over there and it gets ugly. Usually if I go to TN it's to see how my month girls are doing.

*Edited to fix my stupids.

erinh21

Seriously, though? "Seen girls get ripped apart" and "every single one of us got ripped new ones" - no, thanks. I don't need a bunch of Blair Waldorfs telling me what they think I should be doing. I tried, I failed...Knot Fail. Wishing everyone the best, though.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:c7679e46-1f63-4e95-9ec3-7437eb4e2a5b">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, though? "Seen girls get ripped apart" and "every single one of us got ripped new ones" - no, thanks. I don't need a bunch of Blair Waldorfs telling me what they think I should be doing. I tried, I failed...Knot Fail. Wishing everyone the best, though.
Posted by erinh21[/QUOTE]

Because we were in the wrong and insisting on arguing our points (and most of in the process, getting pretty princess attitudes).  Do you honestly not see anything wrong with your response on the E thread?!?!?

I have to say though. if you can't handle anything less than 100% positive reinforcement, then this probably isn't the site for you.  We tell you the truth, whether you want it or not.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:2dad6a8c-db16-471b-9080-a8bf610bd636">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: meanness? : Because we were in the wrong and insisting on arguing our points (and most of in the process, getting pretty princess attitudes).  Do you honestly not see anything wrong with your response on the E thread?!?!? <strong>I have to say though. if you can't handle anything less than 100% positive reinforcement,</strong> then this probably isn't the site for you.  We tell you the truth, whether you want it or not.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
You could also complete this sentence with, "you're going to have a very hard time with the real world, where most people have no interest in preserving your widdle feewings."

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:ead19d3f-077e-4bae-9569-f33ef61b4503">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: meanness? : Wait, I'm confused.  TN is The Nest right?  Did you get em backwards?  That's what I'm thinkin'.  Am I wrong?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Yes, I did. Stupid fingers. I meant TN. That's what I get for rushing. I'll fix it.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:28eb994a-7d3d-49b6-b1a3-a879b4379734">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: meanness? : You could also complete this sentence with, "you're going to have a very hard time with the real world, where most people have no interest in preserving your widdle feewings."
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Damn helicopter parents.  I am so glad that I got to grow up in time where I had to learn to deal with real life.

I swear some newbies are convinced that we tap away on our laptops circling a cauldron.

erinh21

And yet, another shining example of why no matter what, women will always, always keep each other down. It is a choice not to include myself in petty behavior. No, I don't see anything wrong with my post, at all, and no amount of badgering or b*tching will make me believe otherwise. I have worked in a very public field for 10 years and certainly don't need a lecture on my "wittle feewings" (nice touch) that have endured plenty of very public criticism. I was cool with K's response until she suggested that I was pretentious. I came here hoping for advice, not criticism. K laid into me about something that had already been done, and provided no resolution, just an opinion, and that's not helpful at all, it's just b*tchy. It shouldn't be this way. Being a bride is not about suiting yourself in armor and battling your way through better-than-thous to make friends. I don't care about making friends on the Knot. I just wanted some insight. That's it. I was a fool to believe it would be so easy!

[Deleted User]

If you've really lurked on TK, then you'd know that the women on here are far from always keeping each other down. In fact, there is an incredible support system and when people need to talk, others are there for them. People on here have gone through divorces, deaths in the family, personal issues, everything, and are met with nothing but kindness and compassion. So there goes your theory of always keeping each other down.

Not validating you =/= meanness or bitchiness.

tldh

How long did you lurk, 5 minutes??  As Seshat said, we've gone through deaths, births, lost jobs, new careers, and any other thing you can think of with eachother, not the least of which was/is the emotional roller coaster of planning weddings.  I've seen two women come back and say that they got out of abusive relationships, in part, because of the support they had from fellow Knotties.

Nobody is keeping anyone down.

trix1223

First erinh:  as to why I'm still on the Knot years after being married.  I came here as MOB initially, and then stayed.  One of the reasons that I'm here is because I think that I (and other married ladies) can be a valuable resource to brides planning.

Think of it this way:  you're 9 months pregnant with your first child, and you're worried about what labor and delivery are going to be like.  Are you going to ask someone who's already given birth, or are you going to ask someone who's 6 months pregnant with her first child for real life advice? 

You're planning a wedding and you have a question about how something will work.  Would you rather have honest advice from someone who's already been through a wedding, or someone whose wedding is still 13 months away?

I know which I'd prefer.

And then, an amazing thing happened when I started posting.  I found people that I liked and who I enjoyed interacting with.  And in this last year, when both, yes both, of my DD's were each in situations that were seriously life-threatening,  I found kindness and support here, as well as with my RL friends.

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.  I really am.  But please don't paint the boards here with such a broad brush because you're uncomfortable receiving plain spoken and honest advice. 

Hang around a bit.  Try not getting into a snit.  Try listening with an open mind.  Try thanking people for giving you a potential reality check.  You just might find out that these boards aren't so bad after all. 

I wish you luck.

NillaWafer10

Erin, try not to write off TK altogether.  There are some boards that are more supportive than others.  During my planning process, I stuck mostly to my local board or my month board.  People on those boards generally know you better, so they are more sensitive when posting.

I'm sorry you had a bad positing, but I do hope you stick around

mehgank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_meanness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:faa5ecad-98f6-4323-ae16-617f1f0a869dPost:c7679e46-1f63-4e95-9ec3-7437eb4e2a5b">Re: meanness?</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, though? "Seen girls get ripped apart" and "every single one of us got ripped new ones" - no, thanks. <strong>I don't need a bunch of Blair Waldorfs telling me what they think I should be doing</strong>. <------<em>that's bitchy.</em> I tried, I failed...Knot Fail. <strong>Wishing everyone the best, though. <------</strong><em>trying to cancel out the bitchiness of previous sentence.</em>
Posted by erinh21[/QUOTE]

We don't need your passive-aggressive BS.

trix1223

Wow, erin.  I just went over to the E board to see what your fuss was all about.  You had 11 answers, all of which were very helpful in the face of your whining that following up on missing RSVP's wasn't "fun". 

And you choose to post on ANOTHER board about how mean people are to you because one poster, ONE, said your timeline was off, and in the course of her advice said your were pretentious?

 If that put you over the edge, and Kristin#s puts me over the edge 98% of the time, you really are better off pulling a GBCK.

Good luck to you, hun.

jessienjeremy

 Sometimes in text things come out in a differnt way. Although I will say I have been lurking and read posts that were honestly just mean and very rude.  I agree if you dont want peoples honest opinions dont ask but yes sometimes I think some knotties go over the line. 

SEWF

I love it when people forget we can go to more than one board! It's like hearing what those b*tchy girls in high school would say behind your back!

heyimbren

Erin, you do realize that no one here was validating what Kristin#'s said? I think I've yet to see a single good post about her because of how rude she can be. So I don't see why you're generalizing baesd off of one girl that no one here is standing up for.

But if you're done, then GBCK and leave it at that. Don't threaten to leave and then keep replying.

ichellemay1

~~Short thread hijack~~  I've read the FAQ on abbreviations, but don't know what GBCK is...  Help please.