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REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS ONE!!!!

My aunt passed away in 2008 and I was very close with her. Her husband was cheating on her and married his mistress right after my aunt died. I'm pretty close with my cousins (my aunt and his kids and grandkids) so I don't want to offend them, but I really don't want to invite him or his new wife. He gave me the creeps even as a little kid. Plus he cheated on my aunt and then rubbed our faces in it. Do I run the risk of insulting his kids or do I just bite my tongue and invite him and his mistress? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!
Liz

Re: REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS ONE!!!!

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    edited August 2010
    Oh god that's a hard one.  My question would be is it worth it not to ask them?  It would likely create family drama, and would it be worth it to make the point?  My instinct is invite them, you'll probably barely notice them if you're having a larger wedding.

    ETA:  Sorry to hear of the loss of your aunt.
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    That is tough. I don't know if you should invite the cousins without your uncle. They may or may not come if it hurts them that their Dad won't be there.

    I guess the question you have to ask yourself is are you going to regret not having them there on your weddding day? If not, just don't invite them. If you think it is going to bother you, then I would invite them and maybe you can mention to him that your wedding is not the place or time for family drama. Hopefully he will act like an adult, even if it is for just one day and not start anything should he be invited to the wedding.
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    Well, this may not be a popular opinion but I say do not invite him.  Your cousins should know how close you were to your aunt and how obviously upset his choices made you and her.  If you don't want Uncle Creepy there on your wedding day then don't invite him.  It is a tough call, but hopefully your cousins will understand.
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    I think it kind of depends on the age of the kids. If they're over 18, it's completely acceptable to send them their own invitations, and in that case, I wouldn't invite your uncle.

    If we're talking about small children though, is there someone else who can bring them to the wedding, sit with them during the ceremony, etc.?
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    Are they close with their dad still? Maybe (I'm assuming they're adults from your post) they're not really pleased with the new wife either. Plus...he's technically not your relative (if he was your aunt's husband). So I think you're okay inviting adult cousins and not someone who used to be related to you by marriage.

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    That's my vote. If he was your uncle through marriage, and he isn't married to your aunt anymore - then don't worry about it.  Espeically if he didn't treat your aunt well during the marriage.
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    if your cousins are adults then id assume they'd understand you not inviting your uncle.  if they are adults im sure they're not to pleased either w/ him cheating on their mother.  plus, as PP said if he was your uncle by marriage you not tied to him anymore since your aunt is gone (sorry about her passing).

    if the cousins are young though they'd need some type of adult with them - is there any other relative that would help out to avoid inviting your uncle?


    if it were me, i wouldn't invite him....you two obviously dont have a good relationship so why put any strain on what should be one of your most happiest days of your life
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    Ditto LuLu and Lilou.  If they are adult cousins then I wouldn't worry about inviting your non-uncle.

    How do his children feel about is infidelity and his new wife?  If they feel the same way as you then they would most likely understand why you did not invite him. 
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    My first question would be what many others have asked, how do they feel about him after his infidelity? You could always talk with one of them that you are close to and simply find out their opinion. They could feel the same way you do, but at the same time they may not and you need to be prepared for this.
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    Your aunt was the relative, he was just her husband so since she passed away, I would only invite their children, your cousins.

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    We have a similar situation in our family.  We are not inviting the creepy uncle to my daughter's wedding. My BIL used my terminally ill SIL to gain access to my elderly MIL's assets. After SIL died, we found out he was dating a cousin. Yuck! 
                       
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    Yea, I'd follow the no creeps allowed rule. I think people will understand.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_really-need-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:fbe0a346-812e-4d14-a029-892648e79a2bPost:a125a94b-a408-46d4-8d20-eb546b76c51e">Re: REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS ONE!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yea, <strong>I'd follow the no creeps allowed rule.</strong> I think people will understand.
    Posted by staceytaylor0704[/QUOTE]

    LMAO, I agree.

    Someone on E asked a few weeks ago if she should invite her criminal shady uncle who was out on bail after hitting and killing someone during a DUI.  Apparently the family had problems with him anyway, so come on you really needed to ask?? lol
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_really-need-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:fbe0a346-812e-4d14-a029-892648e79a2bPost:504fc3b6-0585-4883-90b9-cbab129d56d3">Re: REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS ONE!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's my vote. If he was your uncle through marriage, and he isn't married to your aunt anymore - then don't worry about it.  Espeically if he didn't treat your aunt well during the marriage.
    Posted by Lilou902[/QUOTE]

    This exactly.

    I have an aunt who is recently divorced and they had been together my whole life. He is not invited because he is no longer a part of my family. My cousin knows this and wouldn't expect me to invite him.
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    If your parents' names are on the top line of your invitation:
    Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
    request the honour of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter...

    then this is THEIR call.  Talk to your mother or father - whoever's sister was your aunt - and tell your parents of your concerns.

    Probably if the AUNT was the blood relative and now she's gone, the uncle-by-marriage wouldn't be invited whether he was creepy or not.

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    Oh my...that guy is a jerk...

    Yeah, definately no invite for him in my opinion...I'm sure your cousins will understand!
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    Bottom line? This is YOUR day (well, you and FI...lol) If it makes you uncomfortable, don't invite him. I'm sure your cousins are mature enough to understand. You need to do whatever it takes to make you happy....even if that means hurting some feelings. The ones that matter will know that all your best interests are at heart. Good luck, darlin'!

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