Guest Attire

abbydressander

How do I let people know of appropriate attire for our ceremony/reception which are held at the same venue. It is outdoors in August so it may be very hot. We are not expecting people to come in full suits, and are completely fine with anything from shirt/tie, no jacket, to even a nice golf shirt, but would prefer no resort wear/hawaiian shirts. How do I explain that or word it????

opalsky007

You don't need to--people will be able to determine the formality of the event from the style of your invitations, your venue, etc. It's in general not polite to tell people what to wear.

The exception to this: it would be a good idea to let folks know that the wedding is outside, so that ladies know better than to wear stilettos on grass, and gentlemen dress a little lighter. It's also okay to clue people in on restrictions made by your venue, like if they require a jacket or do not allow jeans or something. You can supply this info (if applicable) on an invitation insert, and on your wedding website.

future-mrs

You don't.  It's extremely rude to require your guests to wear something.  And if you're going to have an outdoor ceremony in HOT weather I would re-consider my venue as well.  There's no need to put your guests (especially the elderly ones) through that kind of heat.  Please keep your guests in mind when planning your wedding.

ETA: Ditto what Opalsky said, posted at the same time!

ag2037

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_guest-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:00d0c79f-97b7-4005-88fc-1dddfe53642cPost:67a79f19-7c5a-4a6d-8b53-718e330b8025">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need to--people will be able to determine the formality of the event from the style of your invitations, your venue, etc. It's in general not polite to tell people what to wear. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Since when is it not appropriate to indicate on your invitations that the attire is casual/semi-formal/black tie/etc.? That's standard procedure where I'm from. 

</div>

Nicole386

I don't think it's rude to let people know what the attire is, I think it's perfectly reasonable.  You can make a note of it on either the invitation or on your website.  All you have to say is "Attire is business casual", or whatever you choose the attire to be.

I made a note on our website that our ceremony is outdoors on a grassy area, and that ladies may wish to avoid wearing high heels. If that's rude of me, oh well - I'd rather my guests be comfortable than be tripping every 5 seconds b/c their heels are caught in the grass.

And don't feel bad about your venue - you chose it b/c it was what you wanted to have it. It's up to your guests to dress appropriately.

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_guest-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:00d0c79f-97b7-4005-88fc-1dddfe53642cPost:3891545f-1239-41f4-80e9-197d5af1c81e">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I don't think it's rude to let people know what the attire is, I think it's perfectly reasonable.  You can make a note of it on either the invitation or on your website.  All you have to say is "Attire is business casual", or whatever you choose the attire to be</strong>.

This is bad advice.

<strong>I made a note on our website that our ceremony is outdoors on a grassy area, and that ladies may wish to avoid wearing high heels</strong>.
 
This is completely different.  Cautioning guests about conditions is totally different than specifying what a guest can and connot wear.
Posted by Nicole386[/QUOTE]

jedaniel

I went to a wedding this past saturday and I live in Texas so obviously it was hot. But the ceremony was fine it was in the shade. And girls had on heels. I didnt because I knew it was going to be in grass. Guys wore slacks with a nice shirt.
Side note: The birde got sick after the ceremony for getting to hot and she spent about 45 minutes throwing up in the bridal suite. So make sure you drink plenty of water that day and eat even if your not hungry because of nerves.

opalsky007

ag-While that may be common in some regions, it doesn't follow standard etiquette. Ask about this on the etiquette board and you'll see similar responses to mine. Here's a post from Miss Manners on a similar topic:

http://www.cleveland.com/insideout/index.ssf/2008/10/miss_manners_debutante_stymied.html

Nicole-I did mention that the exceptions to the rule include guidance that would make your guests more comfortable, like clueing them in on footwear.

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_guest-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:00d0c79f-97b7-4005-88fc-1dddfe53642cPost:c9d8cd44-9b5c-4d76-b466-ffbde48281e3">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Attire : Since when is it not appropriate to indicate on your invitations that the attire is casual/semi-formal/black tie/etc.? That's standard procedure where I'm from. 
Posted by ag2037[/QUOTE]

Not sure where in NY you're from, but it sure isn't standard procedure here. I have never seen any mention of dress code on invites for weddings in LI and NYC, the Hudson Valley, or upstate (an hour or so past Albany).
Maybe it's common in your circle, but that doesn't make it ok.

abbydressander

I am just looking for a way to explain to people who are asking about appropriate attire- how to say- we prefer you don't wear jeans/resortwear, but that they don't need to be in full on suits. This is in request to people who are inquiring about attire. Im not trying to set a dress code. And this wedding is in Michigan, its not going to be over 100 degrees, but will most likely be too hot for men to be wearing suit jackets. And, we have flooring under our tent so I ladies can wear stilettos if they choose.

aerinpegadrak

If people are inquiring about attire, you can answer their questions directly if they ask.  Otherwise, trust your guests to be able to figure it out.  It's really not your place to say, "By the way, no Hawaiian shirts."  That just comes off as very presumptuous and rude.

raw1299

just make sure its in your invites and wedding website, just put work-casual. that excludes flip-flops, hawaiian shirts, jeans.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_guest-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:00d0c79f-97b7-4005-88fc-1dddfe53642cPost:0558e5db-d55d-441c-8b9e-83d7ad62c74f">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]just make sure its in your invites and wedding website, just put work-casual. that excludes flip-flops, hawaiian shirts, jeans.
Posted by raw1299@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]
Again, the phrase is meaningless and doesn't accomplish what the OP wants.  I wear jeans to work on a regular basis.

antimony

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_guest-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:00d0c79f-97b7-4005-88fc-1dddfe53642cPost:ca5b351a-d3ed-4aae-aff3-95271d99b5a4">Re: Guest Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Attire : Again, the phrase is meaningless and doesn't accomplish what the OP wants.  I wear jeans to work on a regular basis.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I do too, but I know what "business casual" means, even if it's not what casual business attire at my workplace is.

I'm generally in favor of letting guests know, somehow, especially if you're deviating from whatever's normal among your family/social circle.  I'd pretty much assume semi-formal for any wedding unless told otherwise -- I am not skilled in whatever secret language of fonts and colors you all seem to be.  (And my mother generally did teach me the correct etiquette rules as a kid -- using a fairly traditional playbook.  In which weddings were semi-formal, and you never wore solid white or black, but otherwise the invitations didn't change anything -- by the time they came, you'd already gone and bought your new party dress anyway.) 

abbydressander

Im not going to be putting anything on our invitations, as I don't deem it appropriate to tell people what to wear. I have decided to respond to any inquiries "no jacket required" and leave it to them to decide. We by no means will be punitive in any way if people show up in something a little more casual than our liking. I don't plan to get hung up on the little details. But thanks for all of your comments.