Name change

litskispecialty

So I was speaking with my mom the other day letting her know that I am certain now that I do not want to change my last name when I get married, and if I must only hypenate to my name-and my FI's name.  My mom being a bit more old school is very upset with this. Multi part question of sorts: Did you change your last name and if so, did you have any reason other than "tradition" motivating you?  If you didn't, did you get any backlash from anyone about needing to do so, and how do you alert those invited to the wedding in enough time for them to avoid getting you monogrammed towels or some kind of personalized gift with "my new last name" on it.  I'd hate to see people waste their time and money but it's a decison I feel strongly against changing my name.Thank you!

[Deleted User]

I kept my last name.  My mother and now husband were a little upset at first, but my husband's ex has the same first name as I do, and even though she goes by her maiden name, she is legally still with his last name.  My father, however, was thrilled with my decision.   :)I relied on my mom and dad to spread the word as people were in contact with them the most prior to the wedding, but it is inevitable that you will still get cards/checks/gifts using your FI's last name.  Don't let it get to you as some people are just uber-traditional and will do it anyway.  Politely correct them, and don't feel like you need to explain it.I made a point of using a very bold font on my return envelope thank you cards to show that we still had two distinctly separate names.  Whether it has made an impact, I don't know.  My mother still addressed our anniversary card this year to "Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName".  Oh well. 

Gabs71109

My maiden name is VERY common and I didn’t feel any strong attachment to it other than the fact that I had a cool signature and of course that it was my name for 26 years. For me the name change symbolized more than just tradition. For me it was our families joining. I wanted to take his name because it united us even more. I also thought of our future children. I am a high school teacher and the whole “what is your Mom’s last name?” can get a little weird. Changing your name is certainly not for everyone. I would make it known somehow by word of mouth or otherwise. I can’t tell you how many checks we got to Mrs. & Mr B*****.

Steffy3217

While tradition is part of it, I chose to change my name to show DH that I honor what he's given to me and I think he deserves everyone to know I am his wife. Corny or whatever, but I changed my name not only for tradition but to show my devotion to him as he has to me. I still catch myself writing my maiden name and he didn't pressure me to get it all done in any soft of time frame. And I actually got my maiden name as a tattoo as well. So while on papaer it's no longer my last name... it's still a large part of me.

danto

I hesitated to change my strong Italian last name, but after I got my first "Future Mrs. __" shirt, it was quickly forgotten.  I LOVE having DH's last name (like we're more a team).  And he's mentioned it to others (although he would be completely accepting if I choose not to change it).  We felt it would be helpful with our children as well.  I changed my middle name to my maiden name.ALL that said.  I completely respect anyone who chooses NOT to change her name.  It's a personal decision and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel guilty for not changing it.As far as checks go - most banks will let you sign whatever name is on the check (even if it isn't you legal name) then sign your legal name below to deposit it.  Can't help you with the monograms, but if it helps, we didn't get anything with our 'new last name' on it.GL!

litskispecialty

Thank you so much ladies!  My FI is not pressuring me at all (although I think he knows I feel so strongly he can't change my mind no matter what!)  We both come from small blood lines of dying last names.  I also worked hard to get my Masters degree and a good job before we got married so I don't want to lose that person.  We don't plan on having children, but I guess if we do I'll add his last name, we did have a joke about creating a nickname with both of our last names mixed up when we first met but that kinda died off. I think it's personal preference, I have no problem with other people changing their names, just don't judge me for not changing mine! My mom is big into sewing and has a lot of her sewing friends who love to do that stuff, we have other friends who keep saying "oh I can't wait until you're Mrs. Wam" (my FI's nickname) and I just keep saying well Mrs. future hypen wam hah!  My mom keeps sending me things with future Mrs... too and it's driving me nuts. Thanks so much for your help though ladies!  And don't make fun of me, but what does "DH" stand for?

danto

DH = "Dear Husband", "Darling Husband" or "Damn Husband" (depends on the day) 

[Deleted User]

Ditto Danto.  Most days, it's #3.  Just kidding!  ;-)

uigirl03

I hyphenated my last name and DH's last name. I felt very strongly about keeping it. I feel like its a piece of me and part of my heritage. There are also not any boys in the family to carry on the name so I feel like I'd like to have my children have it as at least a middle name. DH and his family are very traditional and were not happy about me hyphenating. As a compromise, I told DH that he could introduce us socially as Mr. and Mrs. DH's Last Name. I think that made him feel better about the situation. I'm fine if we have engraved items with just his last name and luckily we have the same last initial so it mades the monogram easy. For me, I just like knowing that my last name is still a part of me.

rachael898

I have been waiting since I was a kid to change my last name, but it's more because my last name can become an immature joke. I always said though that if my husband-to-be's last name was worse i wouldn't take it. I love my family and the people the come from my last name but I am also going to love the new family I am making. I had one friend that combined her last name with her spouse's to make a new last name. I also have another friend who has kept her last name because she loves that individual identity. She now has a little girl and is considering changing it once she gets to be school aged so that she won't get people confusing that she and her husband are married and that she is in fact her daughter's mother. The fact is that you can change your name at any point and if you feel strongly about keeping your name and want to change it later it is completely in your right. You shouldn't do something that you personally don't want to do.

heathermarie322

i changed my last name b/c of the reasons mentioned above also... we're starting "our" family, and having the same name makes it all feel more real. but like others said, it's a personal choice.just to throw this random story out there... i knew someone that actually had the guy change his name. the girl had a phd and was published and did not want to change her name to lose that... but they both wanted that "family" unity... so he changed his name instead!