Jeans.....

jessicarc11

We are on a budget and I'm concerned with the attire all of the men that will be attending. Aside from my grandfather, every man on my side and his side thinks that looking nice is wearing clean, not torn jeans and a clean, unwrinkled shirt. I don't believe they have any idea what dress pants or khakis are, nor do they seem to know what a collar is. It's going to be a very casual, laid-back outdoor affair, but I still want everyone to look like they are at a wedding, not a night out at the ballpark. The women shouldn't be a problem since they are women and understand that there are things that aren't worn at a wedding. What do you think I should do? I want everyone to be comfortable, but I don't want them looking like they just walked in from doing yard work.My FI is included in this as well. I bought him a polo a few months ago, and you'd think I chopped a body part off. What should I do? My idea is for the men to wear a nice polo and khakis. (It's an outdoor summer wedding, so no darks or long sleeves) Our main color is blue, so a light blue polo and khakis looks and sound good to me. 

Britoz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:9d3aadca-1e59-40b9-a93b-d1295eadaf4c">Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]We are on a budget and I'm concerned with the attire all of the men that will be attending. Aside from my grandfather, every man on my side and his side <strong>thinks that looking nice is wearing clean, not torn jeans and a clean, unwrinkled shirt. </strong>I don't believe they have any idea what dress pants or khakis are, nor do they seem to know what a collar is. It's going to be a very casual, laid-back outdoor affair, but I still want everyone to look like they are at a wedding, not a night out at the ballpark. The women shouldn't be a problem since they are women and understand that there are things that aren't worn at a wedding. What do you think I should do? I want everyone to be comfortable, but I don't want them looking like they just walked in from doing yard work.My FI is included in this as well. I bought him a polo a few months ago, and you'd think I chopped a body part off. What should I do? My idea is for the men to wear a nice polo and khakis. (It's an outdoor summer wedding, so no darks or long sleeves) Our main color is blue, so a light blue polo and khakis looks and sound good to me. 
Posted by jessicarc11[/QUOTE]

This is more than I could hope for most of the people in my family! ;D

Sorry to hear about your predicament, I wish you were allowed to suggest what people should wear. It would be so much easier!

jessicarc11

cebrady89: My FMIL and FFIL wore completely different things to their daughter's graduation: She wore a nice blouse and a skirt, he wore a t-shirt and jeans. I was under the impression that graduations and weddings/receptions are business casual in a way, not jeans and a t-shirt. She didn't say a word to him about what he was wearing. That's what I'm afraid of happening.

jessicarc11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:57e104b5-9982-4fec-a896-a34c8308e2fd">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Jeans..... : This is more than I could hope for most of the people in my family! ;D Sorry to hear about your predicament, <strong>I wish you were allowed to suggest what people should wear</strong>. It would be so much easier!
Posted by Britoz[/QUOTE]

<div>That would be so much eaiser. Oh, btw, love your signature line. Which is your fav. book?</div>

cebrady89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:57312e50-0a10-45a9-a0cd-b1f01256eda3">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]cebrady89: My FMIL and FFIL wore completely different things to their daughter's graduation: She wore a nice blouse and a skirt, he wore a t-shirt and jeans. I was under the impression that graduations and weddings/receptions are business casual in a way, not jeans and a t-shirt. She didn't say a word to him about what he was wearing. That's what I'm afraid of happening.
Posted by jessicarc11[/QUOTE]

<div>Even so, a graduation is nothing like a wedding. If you really want to make sure people know what to wear, put some info on your wedding website. This is still considered an etiquette no-no, but if you're that worried, I suppose it's your only option to get the word out about attire.</div>

Avion22

If none of them have ever worn khakis or a polo shirt, what makes you think they will go out and buy them just for your wedding?   

The only people who you can tell how to dress are your wedding party.   Everyone else is on their own.   If they ask, you can politely suggest what you think would be appropriate.   Otherwise, the only time you can tell your guests a dress code is if your venue has a specific dress code that they enforce (like if it's a country club that requires gentelemen to wear a jacket, etc).  

I have an aunt who I love, and I KNOW she is going to be wearing jeans to my semi-formal wedding.  She always wears jeans, and was in jeans for my sister's wedding and my cousins' weddings.   I would be thrilled if she would wear a dress, but honeslty I'd rather she wear something she's comfortable in, and honestly it means so much to me just to have her there, and that's more important than what she wears.

jessicarc11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:46204feb-4c0b-4792-87e2-a4f3e3430d2b">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If none of them have ever worn khakis or a polo shirt, what makes you think they will go out and buy them just for your wedding</strong>?    The only people who you can tell how to dress are your wedding party.   Everyone else is on their own.   If they ask, you can politely suggest what you think would be appropriate.   Otherwise, the only time you can tell your guests a dress code is if your venue has a specific dress code that they enforce (like if it's a country club that requires gentelemen to wear a jacket, etc).   I have an aunt who I love, and I KNOW she is going to be wearing jeans to my semi-formal wedding.  She always wears jeans, and was in jeans for my sister's wedding and my cousins' weddings.   I would be thrilled if she would wear a dress, but honeslty I'd rather she wear something she's comfortable in, and honestly it means so much to me just to have her there, and that's more important than what she wears.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I guess I'm more concerned about my FI not looking nice since it is OUR wedding (I keep reminding him that since he always says "Its your wedding babe"). Maybe if I ask him very nicely he'll cave. And you're right, I can't tell everyone what to wear, even though it would be nice. I just thought of something, since I'm going to be the most dressed up person there, I KNOW all eyes will be on me, which is what brides want on their wedding day anyways right? So, thank you all for your input!

</div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:8278ac97-4fed-457b-b858-64e2e15bf112">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jeans..... : I guess I'm more concerned about my FI not looking nice since it is OUR wedding (I keep reminding him that since he always says "Its your wedding babe"). <strong>Maybe if I ask him very nicely he'll cave</strong>. And you're right, I can't tell everyone what to wear, even though it would be nice. I just thought of something, since I'm going to be the most dressed up person there, I KNOW all eyes will be on me, which is what brides want on their wedding day anyways right? So, thank you all for your input!
Posted by jessicarc11[/QUOTE]

<div>Your FI is being ridiculous if he thinks jeans and a clean t-shirt are acceptable for HIS OWN wedding.  This isn't something you need to ask nicely about - take him to the store, point him to the khakis and collared shirts, and tell him to go find his size.  It'd be one thing if you were asking him to wear a tuxedo and he wasn't comfortable or something, but khakis and a polo are functionally no different than jeans and a t-shirt... he's being kind of a jerk if he refuses to dress up even that much for you.</div>

Cortney1982

If your wedding is very casual, expect the men to come wearing denim and a nice shirt.  I'm sure they are civilized enough to not come in looking like they were just working on their yards.  As for you FI, go shopping with him and help him pick out his attire!

skantrowitz

I think you can require your fiancé, groomsmen, and dad to wear khakis and a polo shirt (I would suggest a specific one) without being a bridezilla. You can't make your guests do anything though.

melntaitt

It's funny you should mention it because we live in a largely rural area and just about every wedding we went to people wore camo and jeans.

My wedding is 20s themed so I'm not too worried about that and the people invited know better.

My friend is getting married shortly after I am and I swear we had this conversation last night; she wants to make it very clear on her website and the save-the-dates what the expectations are for attire.

I really don't blame her; as extreme as it sounds, the last time we went to a wedding out here together, the photographer had a bunch of shots of us because everyone else was dressed in jeans and camo except the wedding party.

Grits8812

Maybe start getting it around by word of mouth now through close family that you are wanting "business casual", slacks and a nice shirt.  It can get around by word of mouth.

jessicarc11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:1b49515c-2388-4a30-b7d7-306643967f3b">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jeans..... : Your FI is being ridiculous if he thinks jeans and a clean t-shirt are acceptable for HIS OWN wedding.  <strong>This isn't something you need to ask nicely about - take him to the store, point him to the khakis and collared shirts, and tell him to go find his size</strong>.  It'd be one thing if you were asking him to wear a tuxedo and he wasn't comfortable or something, but khakis and a polo are functionally no different than jeans and a t-shirt... he's being kind of a jerk if he refuses to dress up even that much for you.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

<div>I already know his size and I told him that I would pick everything out and buy it myself so he didn't have to bother with it. I told him that he could even wear his tennis shoes if that would make him feel better. He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes either. </div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:d9d2fea0-ba87-401a-85ce-aa11c575bf0c">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jeans..... : I already know his size and I told him that I would pick everything out and buy it myself so he didn't have to bother with it. I told him that he could even wear his tennis shoes if that would make him feel better. <strong>He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes either. 
</strong>Posted by jessicarc11[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe it's the northeasterner in me, but this would be a non-negotiable to me.  Jeans to <em>his own</em> wedding?  On what planet is that appropriate?  It strikes me as being disrespectful, to be honest.</div>

jessicarc11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:8fa80fc7-edad-4bec-bf33-ab19e5409c93">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jeans..... : Maybe it's the northeasterner in me, but this would be a non-negotiable to me.  Jeans to his own  wedding?  <strong>On what planet is that appropriate? </strong> It strikes me as being disrespectful, to be honest.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

<div>My FI grew up in a small town (200 people) in the southern part of Missouri, and I think the closest clothing store was 40 miles west, so it wasn't easy to go get clothes. Add to that growing up with only his mother, he didn't have any father figure to show him how to dress nicely. Fast forward to when he met me in 2010. I try to take him to my cousin's wedding and he walks outside in jeans and a holey t-shirt. I told him to go get ready and he said he was. I asked if he had any khakis or dress pants and a button down shirt and he looks at me like I had just grew another head. After we had gotten engaged, I told him that he could wear khakis and a polo for the wedding, since its outside in the summer, and he said "why can't I just wear jeans and a t-shirt?" I'm still fighting with him about what he's going to wear lol.</div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_jeans-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:29430b89-ccd7-49c0-954a-b685ea892119Post:beeee656-9369-41af-a041-8e7c0c7879bd">Re: Jeans.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jeans..... : <strong>My FI grew up in a small town (200 people) in the southern part of Missouri, and I think the closest clothing store was 40 miles west,</strong> so it wasn't easy to go get clothes. Add to that growing up with only his mother, he didn't have any father figure to show him how to dress nicely. Fast forward to when he met me in 2010. I try to take him to my cousin's wedding and he walks outside in jeans and a holey t-shirt. I told him to go get ready and he said he was. I asked if he had any khakis or dress pants and a button down shirt and he looks at me like I had just grew another head. After we had gotten engaged, I told him that he could wear khakis and a polo for the wedding, since its outside in the summer, and he said "why can't I just wear jeans and a t-shirt?" I'm still fighting with him about what he's going to wear lol.
Posted by jessicarc11[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Okay, this is definitely a different planet from suburban New York.  :-)</div><div>
</div><div>I get that he might not have realized <em>before </em>that jeans and a t-shirt aren't wedding clothes, but he should be willing to listen to you on this.  If he's fighting you he's just being immature.

</div>