How much say should Bridesmaids have in their dresses?

cmgefert

Hey ladies,

I just got back from looking for bridesmaid dresses with my MOH and I'm kind of disappointed in the dresses she is interested in.. lets just say they are a little inappropriate for my wedding style. I don't feel like I'm being too unreasonable,  I want long, satin in Alfred Angelo's Lipstick so It isn't like I'm asking for Taffetta in lime green with orange ruffles. So my question is.. how much say are you giving your bridesmaids in choosing their dresses?

Grits8812

I feel like option 2 and option 3 are pretty much the same.  Anyway, your bridesmaids typically pay for their dress, so you have to keep in mind that it is their money they are spending on something that reallly isn't required.  It is your wedding, so you get the final say in if you like a dress or not, but you also have to make sure you aren't putting them in something that makes them horribly uncomfortable.

LoveMuffins

Really, as long as you stay within the budget that they give you, you can pick their dress. It's nice to give the BMs some say, but it's not necessary. Personally, I gave my bridesmaids the same guidelines that it sounds like you are - floor-length, color, and the fabric. All of which is more than reasonable, because the only guideline the bride really has to follow is to stay within the budget when choosing the BM dresses - although obv your'e a better friend if you're making sure the BMs don't hate their dresses. But the guidelines that you state are more than generous.

That being said, if your MOH is looking at dresses that fall within your guidelines, then even if you think it's inappropriate... well she followed what you said shse wanted. If she wants to go short or choose a diff color or fabric or something, then it's fine to tell her that it doesn't fit the guidelines and to please choose something that does.

cmgefert

I guess 2 and 3 do sound a little alike... just take it as 2 being you have more influence then 3. ( If that makes sense! lol)

BeachLover2885

I don't think you're being unreasonable-- you have a vision for your wedding and how you want everything to look.  I think you should stick to your original ideas, and have your MOH help you pick out a satin, long gown that comes in the color you like. My sister is my MOH, and she helped me pick a dress out that still matched my vision. We went to the store with a designer and color in mind, and she tried a bunch on and commented on each.  I knew I wanted long, lightweight purple dresses, and for them to wear the same dress that flattered their figures However, I took into consideration what type of dress my BMs would be comfortable in.  A few didn't want strapless, another didn't want cleavage, and we were able to find the perfect dress. .

I have been asked to be a BM twice, and both times the bride picked the dress and asked us to purchase it. Both dresses they picked were completely fine, and they each went with their vision, and I think you should do the same

kekr0202

I chose "other" because while I believe the second choice is how I went about shopping with my MOH, I PAID for her dress.  This is one part of weddings I find horribly tacky.  I hate the thought of requiring someone to purchase something that's more your taste and they have to pay for it.  Yes, of course those in our wedding would have been happy to pay but it's the concept I cannot stand.  We knew during planning & budgeting that we were paying for our MOH & best man's attire (we're not having any BMs or groom's men). 

When I went shopping with my MOH she knew both my FI and I wanted her to get a long gown in either a metallic or black and we had a blast.  Same with my FI shopping with his brother, our best man, whom he set expectations for as well.

I know I'm probably the odd girl out on here but just my two cents.

L&J2012

I personally gave my bridesmaids the color, legnth, fabric and desiger and they picked their own dresses. The only other thing I told them when they were indecisive was to pick something they can see themselves wearing again and they all did without a problem. Of course, one dress is discontinued and they didn't let me know until three weeks ago, but that's an unrelated story.

How exactly is the one she likes inappropriate?

amymaysa

What type of dresses is she wanting to wear? You said they were inappropriate for your wedding style, and now I'm curious.
Like others have mentioned, giving the guidelines or choosing from 3-4 may be your best option.
Depending on the size of your group, chances are not everyone will be 100% happy.

cmgefert

Well to set the stage my wedding style is a traditional church wedding with a formal reception so I want the girls to be comfortable and look their best but not be showing too much skin.

This is the dress I like in lipstick: ( The MOH would have sparkly beads along the top and the 4 BM would have it plain)

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=b1206d74-6c38-4705-b174-66d83ae96957&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

Their were two dresses, first she told me that long dresses were old fashioned (ouch!) so she wanted to try short dresses.. so she picked out this dress which she feels will look good on all the girls, which is a beautiful dress but a little do "going out-ish" then BM dress for me, personally.

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=deb2ff02-d430-4965-8ca7-2011506cf3ce&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

And if it HAD to be a long dress, she liked this one which is a beautiful dress but I have some bigger girls in my wedding party (including the MOH) and when she tried it on it just didn't look good on her body type because the fabric was clinging to the wrong areas (not to sound mean!)

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=6f62d306-9003-4d09-8414-5327b782c3f4&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

LaceyH13

If you don't agree with your friends about what they should wear, I think you have to weigh which is more important: getting the look and feel that you want on your wedding day, or ensuring that your friends are excited and happy about what they get to wear the day of your wedding.

For me personally, I didn't give two hoots what my friends wore. I just wanted them to be happy and feel good and confident about what they were wearing. They were smart enough girls to know what's appropriate for a wedding. 

As you can see, they ended up looking gorgeous, and very well coordinated considering none of them communicated about their dresses:

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_much-say-should-bridesmaids-their-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:97173f17-ffc6-4820-ac91-c094397b568cPost:c248cb70-8137-4eb3-a678-bbbe1bd1e444">Re: How much say should Bridesmaids have in their dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well to set the stage my wedding style is a traditional church wedding with a formal reception so I want the girls to be comfortable and look their best but not be showing too much skin. This is the dress I like in lipstick: ( The MOH would have sparkly beads along the top and the 4 BM would have it plain) <a href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=b1206d74-6c38-4705-b174-66d83ae96957&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=" rel="nofollow">http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=b1206d74-6c38-4705-b174-66d83ae96957&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=</a> Their were two dresses, first she told me that long dresses were old fashioned (ouch!) so she wanted to try short dresses.. <strong>so she picked out this dress which she feels will look good on all the girls, which is a beautiful dress but a little do "going out-ish" then BM dress for me, personally</strong>. <a href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=deb2ff02-d430-4965-8ca7-2011506cf3ce&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=" rel="nofollow">http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=deb2ff02-d430-4965-8ca7-2011506cf3ce&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=</a> And if it HAD to be a long dress, she liked this one which is a beautiful dress but I have some bigger girls in my wedding party (including the MOH) and when she tried it on it just didn't look good on her body type because the fabric was clinging to the wrong areas (not to sound mean!) <a href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=6f62d306-9003-4d09-8414-5327b782c3f4&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=" rel="nofollow">http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=6f62d306-9003-4d09-8414-5327b782c3f4&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=</a>
Posted by cmgefert[/QUOTE]

I think the one you like is nice and I like the second one and don't think it's 'going out-ish' at all...but that is also the dress we are probably going with, so I guess I'm a little biased.

kekr0202

I like the dress you chose and, IMO, it's more formal than the shorter dress she liked.  I'll also say though it is more likely she'd get more use out of the short dress...

Starfish0116

Well at the end of the day you technically have say, but I would be considerate of what they want. I think the second dress is really cute, and I wouldn't be that thrilled about wearing the first dress but at the end of the day I'd do it if that's what my friend wanted me to do.

If you think a short dress is inappropriate for a wedding, be prepared to see a lot of inapproriate attire from your guests. I don't anyone who wears long dresses anymore - unless it's a super formal event.

My girls are all wearing short dresses, similar to what you posted. We narrowed it down to three, and the one chosen was my favorite but all looked good on all of them. While I want them to dress alike, I also wanted to be sensitive to one of my BM's who tends to dress a little more modestly so it was important to me that whatever we picked would also look okay with a jacket. 

meganb1977

If the issue is that you have your heart set on a long dress as opposed to a short one but she prefers short, do as pp suggested and gently but firmly let her know that it's a cute dress and you thought about it but you would still prefer a long dress.  She can have a long dress shortened after the wedding if she wants to turn it into something more "going out" ish.

[Deleted User]

I think the bride has a vision, but I think a friend considers her friend's body types.

I gave my girls guidelines.  I wanted straps, I wanted purple, I don't like a few fabrics, I think some dresses look cheap.  The girls decided they wanted long dresses when we went together, they also chose the fabric.  I wanted them in different dresses.  

I was really happy with the result.  

toothpastechica

my bridesmaids didnt get a say...well the one that happened to be with me when we found them did, but they were only 15$ so i didnt feel bad making them buy it, plus they are cotton sundresses in dark green and i know everyone can wear them again, a couple girls had issues with there being a little bit too much cleavage, but since its cotton, throwing a white tube top underneth will fix that and still match the wedding colors, also since our wedding is in a church and weather can be hit and miss in may, i suggested they find sweaters or pashminas they all like, but leaving that one completely up to them! (unless they get like pink or some other color we dont have any of in the wedding)

SheilaDancer43

We chose them together. The dress is all of our favorites, so it worked out. The only thing I am disappointed in is that I really wanted them purple, but my 2 BM insisted on gray. Gray is fine b/c gray/silver are in our colors, and FI and GM are wearing gray. I just really wanted purple, but it isn't that important to me. Plus, since they are spending $300 on it, I want them to love the dresses.