New Hampshire

When did you ask your wedding party?


Scott and I were debating today when to ask our wedding party to... well be our wedding party haha! I know for sure I want his sister to be my maid of honor, and I have my two bridesmaids picked out (hopefully they say yes!). He is a bit undecided, but has a handful of choices. I want to ask in the next month or so, he wants to wait a while, like after the venue is reserved. Just wondering what others did, is it a matter of choice, or is there general etiquette? I know we don't have the fear about it being too far in advance, half of our bridal party will be family and the other half it looks like will be our "best" friends who we've had since high school. Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Re: When did you ask your wedding party?

  • GabsJonesGabsJones member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cayla,

    My best advice would to be to wait a while - especially if Scott would rather wait. There are SO many stories out there of people who drop out of weddings and friendships that are "ruined" while planning a wedding. Weddings make people crazy!

    I certainly do not mean to sound negative but if you are not getting married until 2011 I would wait a bit. I know lots of ladies, myself included, who would have waited a bit if they had it to do all over again.

    That being said, there is no etiquette that I know of and if you should ask when you are ready. :)

    GL!
  • edited December 2011
    Agree w/ Gabs - wait on it. I asked 9 months ahead of time - one bridesmaid had to drop out becuase she ended up setting her own wedding date for a week after mine - she agonized about having to tell me and it could have all been avoided if I waited a few more weeks (I completely understood and was fine with it).  But so many things can come up.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree that waiting is a good idea.  I asked my MOH 11 mos. before and the other ladies about 9 mos. before.  I had people in mind as soon as I got engaged, but I held off on asking until we finalized a date and a venue.

    I did this because I was the MOH in a wedding the past June where the bride asked me to be the MOH 2 years in advance.  Let's just say things changed A LOT between those two years and I certainly wasn't as excited by the time the wedding rollled around as I was when she first asked.
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  • edited December 2011
    I asked the day we got engaged.  I regret it, as one of my BM's - halfway through our 15 month engagement - decided she had a more important wedding to be in the exact same day as mine, and backed out.  Our friendship will probably never be the same.
    If I had waited to ask, I would have had a smaller, more intimate bridal party - although we only had 3 girls and 4 guys.  More people = more drama, more money, more schedules and opinions to coordinate. 
    (not to be cold and uncaring, but this is the reality of it all)
  • MrsScotty1011MrsScotty1011 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls for the opinions so far. We of course will wait until Scott is ready to decide, I would never force him to make a decision, just so I can check it off my list. His sister I think is the only one who doesn't really know for sure she will be asked. I think that is why I am so excited to ask her. Sounds like the best idea is to just hold my horses for a bit. :-) I'm just anxious and excited!
  • edited December 2011
    Definitely wait. I asked shortly after we got engaged. Luckily, I have not found myself in the "I don't want so-and-so in the WP anymore, what do I do now?" position many brides find themselves in (Knock on wood!).

    Like Gabs, I would probably wait until the 9-10 month mark if I could do it again.
  • edited December 2011
    The 9-10 month mark is a nice number to work with because it's about the time where those that are willing to commit to the bridal party will have to make up their mind at that point.  It allows enough time to find/order dresses that work for all the girls and schedule time for alterations, also to let them make travel plans if need be.
  • EDK2010EDK2010 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Like pp I would suggest waiting! We had to ask our WP right away as we are only having a 6 month engagement. However, I kind of wish I had waited a few more weeks after we got engaged before asking. If  I could do it over I would have had a smalled WP, don't get me wrong I am happy with everyone we asked!  But liike Chayer said more people more drama!
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  • edited December 2011
    I on the other hand asked my wedding party about 15 months in advance. My wedding party was made up of my sister (moh), my closest cousin, my two best friends, and my "little" sister. 

    I had no issues what so ever with them. Thats why I asked them. They are the closest people to me... I didnt just ask any tom, d*ck (haha it wont let me write the name d*ck) or harry and thats why I asked so far in advance. 

    I also had a friend who was traveling from Texas and her husband is in the army so I wanted to be sure that she would be prepared for it. Her husband was even injured in Afghanistan in June and she still made it to my wedding in Nov., and thats why she is my best friend! 

    So I think it all depends on who you ask and that will tell you when to ask. 
    Good Luck!! Laughing

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