Does this make sense to you?

KabFrr

So my future in-laws are not contributing anything towards our wedding, as they have financial issues. My parents are paying for the brunte of the wedding, with my fiance and I paying for my fiance's guests and little things along the way. When we rented the tuxes for the guys, we got one free rental (the groom's). My fiance wants to give the free tux to his dad, and have us pay for his, since his dad has these "financial issues." I understand he wants to help his dad, but since they're not helping us, I can't help but feel a little upset. If anything, shouldn't my father have gotten the free tux, since him and my mom are paying for practically everything? My fiance and I are ona tight budget, and I'm nervous about this extra expense now. I told all this to my fiance, and he said, "Well I was planning on getting a free suit instead and paying for the rental, so what's the difference?" The principle!!

kristinanddan

If you're worried about your financial situation, scale back the wedding. Give your FFIL the free tux, forget the $100 or so (which I'm betting will hardly be anything in teh scheme of things), and move on.

jbpisces

It is tough when it seems the in-laws are asking for more than their helping with... I think I've finally gotten the wedding list over with but it took work with my FFIL. And my Dad has some financial troubles himself and my mom is helping us with the most... I find that for a brides sake she has to minimize stress by letting other people make decisions and focus on whats really important... that everyone you want there is there and not worry so much on what they are going to wear. If ur honey wants to give the freebie to Dad, let him, tuxes should be his worry and his Dad is his hemisphere... plus you guys will probably get some cash gifts to help even it out after it's all said and done and the in-laws won't have that luxury. To me your problem is just about perspective... I can only imagine how crazy u must feel so close to the wedding, but sometimes u gotta give in and let someone else worry about something.

KabFrr

jbpisces, thank you for being kind and understanding all the angles of my story. You're right, I shouldn't worry about it, and in the grand scheme of things, I know it's not that big of a deal. But I've been so nervous with our budget and what costs what, now every little thing is making me crazy. I know we'll get some money as gifts, but it's making sure we can pay for everything BEFORE that point that freaks me out. Thank you for your kind words!

StephBKNY

It is possible that your FI was paying for his Dad's tux even before he realized he gets one for free? Let him help his Dad. If you want to thank your parents for all they are doing, than buy them a gift (even if it is after the wedding when you have more $ to spare). Your Dad can afford his own tux, so a gift from you that he doesn't have to return in 24 hours would mean a lot more to him, where as your FFIL would probably be more grateful for a free tux than a chachki. Just my opinion.

christinelyn0131

PP are mean. If it's not your place to judge your FIL's financial situation, then it's not THEIR place to judge yours. Gosh that makes my skin crawl...

I totally see where you are coming from. If FFIL can't afford a tux, then why can't he just wear a nice suit?? The free suit is even meant for the groom, isn't it?? You're on a budget too for Christ's sake.. I don't really see giving it to your father, but giving it to FI makes sense. I see the principle thing. And 100$ actually IS a large amount of money, despite PP's ideas that anything under 1000 is reasonable.

HTH. Good luck!

cqbride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_this-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:a0efaaa1-3242-4aa1-964d-8ad48f66e269Post:4bfe21be-5ac1-4380-9b89-35f6ae7edb5c">Re: Does this make sense to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]PP are mean. If it's not your place to judge your FIL's financial situation, then it's not THEIR place to judge yours. Gosh that makes my skin crawl... I totally see where you are coming from. If FFIL can't afford a tux, then why can't he just wear a nice suit?? The free suit is even meant for the groom, isn't it?? You're on a budget too for Christ's sake.. I don't really see giving it to your father, but giving it to FI makes sense. I see the principle thing. And 100$ actually IS a large amount of money, despite PP's ideas that anything under 1000 is reasonable. HTH. Good luck!
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

Responses like this make <em>my</em> skin crawl-- people were giving good advice, not being mean.  You can't expect people to condone bad behaviour just because it's "nicer" not to contradict people.  The OP is very lucky that her parents are paying for so much of the wedding. However, it sounds like her dad can afford to rent a tux, while the grooms father cannot. Therefore, it makes sense that his father should get the free tux. If it's a major issue, then why not tell the dads that they should just wear a nice suit of their choosing and let someone else get the free tux rather than allow the issue to create friction.