Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?

cinderella_pink_princess

I LOVE shoes! They are my favorite accessory and I have many of them. The girls in my wedding party will be wearing black dresses with hot pink sashes and I would love to have them get hot pink shoes. I want some pictures taken of us all showing our shoes or holding them in a circle (I'm sure you've seen some.) However, I was told on a different post that you should let them wear their own to save costs. I am keeping the cost of the dress reasonable, so is it ok to have them get hot pink shoes? I would let them chose any style so they could monitor the cost.

Also, for some reason I have the vision of all of my bridal party wearing a single strand of pearls for their necklace and bracelet with dangling pearl earings. Is this too matchy matchy? (I would be gifting these, because I know its picky.)

aerinpegadrak

My sister asked us to wear pink shoes for her wedding.  I ended up borrowing a pair, because I can't stand pink.  I don't think it's a terrible thing to ask (as long as you're not picking a specific shoe), but if someone is having an issue with finding something comfortable in their price range, you should chip in to help. 

Just remember that these details are for you and you alone; no one will notice at all, and it will barely read in the pictures unless you take specific ones to highlight the fact.  With that in mind, if it's worth it to you to spend the extra money to have them matching, then go ahead.  But you need to be shouldering the bulk of the cost, if not all of it.

ashleyandcj

I am not sure what I am doing about the shoes.  My BMs dresses are to the floor so you wont see their shoes.  I think that giving them a color is good because they could get dyeable ones and dye them pink.  You can dye them yourself but just make sure to use the right dye.  Anyway, I would say that if you can see their shoes that picking the color is your choice.  If you can't see their shoes.. you can let them pick or still pick. GL

hayleymajayley

Ask your bridesmaids if they'd mind. If it's an issue for one, offer to pay. If more have an issue with it, scrap it.

Pearls sound cute, if you are gifting them that's fine (but technically if you require them to wear them it can't be your actual bridesmaid gift)

 I bought shoes and necklaces for all of my bridesmaids.

mbarb

I did. I was encouraged to choose their shoes by everyone, so I found some that were very affordable and then asked their opinions. When everyone had replied that they liked them and would wear them, I told them to purchase them. 

As for the matchy matchy, I've been told traditionally that you're supposed to make everything as uniform as possible and usually the jewelry is a gift from the bride. But this is just what I've been told, I don't have any print sources or anything.

fairy_diva

Nope, you don't. At least not in my opinion.  But then again, I gave my girls a color & designer Alfred Angelo and let them pick their dresses.

mbcdefg

My concern would be about their comfort ... shoes are such a particular thing for women, as I'm sure you as a shoe-lover already know, so I would be afraid that a BM might agree to a shoe that ends up hurting her feet. And that's in addition to the cost - you're already asking them to buy a dress they may never wear again, and then there might be matching shoes on top of that that they might never wear again (especially if they'd be spending more money, and possibly hurting their feet, for just one or maybe two "cute" photo ops).

I would talk to them about this. If you have honest BMs who would tell you straight-up if they disliked the shoes or if they were uncomfortable, then propose the idea and see what they say. But if you have BMs who are either too shy to speak up, or will go along with whatever you say even if they're unhappy, then I'd really think twice about it.

As long as there's open communication, I don't think it's a bad thing at all to suggest matching shoes. I just think it's unnecessary when brides DEMAND it, and I think it's very mean when they care more about the pretty picture of matching shoes than the BMs' comfort while they're wearing them. Talk to them and listen to their feelings on it, and then go from there ... matching shoes, dyeables in your color but their choice of style, or just letting them pick black or silver heels on their own.

If you want to buy them matching pearl jewelry, that's fine. Just don't make it their ONLY thank you gift, since it's something primarily for you and your photos.

AmoroAgain

I am not a fan of this unless you're paying for them.  It's one thing to have everyone.  It's one thing for the dress because it's rather expected, but when you start dictating shoes, accessories, hair styles, makeup, etc... that's where you have to step in and pay.  I let all my girls wear whatever shoes they wanted so that they could (1) spend the money they could (2) find shoes that they would wear again (3) were comfortable with the choice they made. 

I'd feel pretty awful if I forced my girls to buy shoes that they would never, ever, again use.

lchamnes

I say no.  I think that adults are perfectly capable of picking their own attire and feel more comfortable and beautiful in what they choose.  If you want to wear hot pink shoes, then go for it!  But let your girls wear what they want (shoes, jewelry, etc.).  They'll remember you as a gracious bride and not a dictator.

stina93446

Unless you're paying for all of it (and it doesn't count as a gift) I would say no. Shoes are so different for each person and while you may love a kitten heel or a 5 inch stiletto, your girls may not and will be upset or annoyed that you picked the impossible shoe! I suggest giving them a color  (even pink) and just be flexible.

As for the pearls, those are not gifts. They are for your wedding and your wedding pictures. Do your girls even like pearls? Do they wear them? These are all things you should be thinking about in buying them all gifts.

dandan83

This is some excellent info considering that both of the weddings I have been a BM in I have been told the exact style and color of dress and shoes that I had to purchase and was given the jewelry that I had to wear as my gift. lol

heather032010

I would say first consider each girl in your wedding party. Are they in a financially sound situation? Did one just have a baby, or is struggling to pay for student loans? If each girl seems pretty stable with her money stance, then I'd approach each BM individually and propose the idea to them. If one starts to sweat the extra cost, be prepared to nix the idea or offer to pay. (Beware of the second option, your girls might not come to you with their money problems in order to make you happy, and you wouldn't want them to find out you payed for your other friends shoes and not theirs!)

I also have to agree with everyone that shoes are a big comfort thing, and hot pink shoes are not the easiest to find. Payless has a line of wedding dyeables, perhaps you could suggest they buy their shoes there, and offer to cover the dyeing costs. That way the shade of pink is unison. Heaven forbid one of your girls spends her time and money finding a pink shoe she likes, only to find out the shade is all wrong!!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_can-chose-bridesmaids-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:b04b120f-0a57-4b86-8462-ce399b8b6e91Post:72544ddd-a3f1-416c-a21a-ae32c76c539d">Re: Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?</a>:
[QUOTE]That way the shade of pink is unison. Heaven forbid one of your girls spends her time and money finding a pink shoe she likes, only to find out the shade is all wrong!!
Posted by heather032010[/QUOTE]
The pink heels I borrowed for my sister's wedding were a much paler shade than what all the other girls ended up with.  The world did not end, and my sister's marriage is still valid.

Ishaba11

I was in a wedding last year where the bride insisted on everything being the same from necklaces and earrings to even hair and make up (which I thought was ridiculous!)  But she did let us pick our own shoes ONLY because they were covered by the dress. I am going to be in another wedding this June and all the bride asked was what we wear white shoes. I'm very thankful for the fact that I can choose my style and especially chose my size heel. I would have to agree with getting dyeable shoes if you want a color. There are a few styles at Payless so they wouldnt have to have the same thing unless they really wanted to.  Its my personal opinion but I dont think bridesmaids should be a cardboard cut out of each other and at least have some of their own style and personality shine through.

kwrobertson

My girls have knee length dresses and they are picking their own shoes.  At first, my mom freaked, but i convinced her that every girl has their own personailty.... I want them to be comfortable and if they are buying the shoes, the dress, travel expenses, blah, blah, blah, let em choose their shoes. 

tiffersnc

In all the weddings I've been in, shoes have been "picked" by the bride. One had us all get the exact same shoe and had us dye them to the appropriate color, and the others have all just specified a color. I think if you're concerned with having the same shade of pink across the board, the best thing to do is go with a dye-able shoe (as has been suggested). David's Bridal has a line of these and since they're a store focused on weddings, the shoes they sell accommodate standing for a longer period of time.

That said, it didn't bother me at all when I had to get a specific shoe for a wedding. I probably won't lock my bridesmaids into a style (just a color), but it's up to you. If you have a girl who's worried about the cost, be ready to chip in. You have a lot of good advice above.

Oh - the pearls. You can certainly have them wear whatever jewelry you want, especially since you'd be providing it. I'd get them something else as a gift, though.

etaraskewich

I told my girls exactly what shoes to buy and where to find them. BUT...I was also very purposeful in choosing something that everyone could afford. I shopped around EVERYWHERE. And finally found the perfect sandal for $14.99. All five of my bridesmaids were glad that I chose something cute and in their budget...

JMU_Bride09

Personally, I have no problem with matchy-matchy.  Actually, that's the only way I envision my BMs lol.  And I plan on having my BMs wear the exact same shoes, but I'm trying to find ones that are relatively inexpensive bc I know that it's an extra expense.

vszyman

I think it's fine to ask the bridesmaids to wear a certain shoe.

Here's an idea:  Why don't you have them pick shoes from payless (dyeables) or even David's bridal, and have them all dyed the same color.  This might help with those that are picky on the comfort (I know I would not last long in 4" heels).

But if I were your bridesmaid, and you asked me to wear 4" hot pink heels, I would do so happily!

jewels83

I really think it depends on the length of your bridesmaids dresses.  If they are short, then you may want to choose an specific shoe.  If you do, then I would definitely take a few bridesmaids with you to help pick it out.  My BMs dresses are short and I couldn't stand the thought of 7 different looking shoes in our pictures.  My fiance agreed.

If you are wearing long dresses then it really shouldn't matter.

Also, if you find a designer shoe you love (like I did) go online and shop around.  We found the exact same shoe on Amazon for 70% less exspensive.

Anthriel22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_can-chose-bridesmaids-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:b04b120f-0a57-4b86-8462-ce399b8b6e91Post:9e2c0b7b-fab7-4fa8-aa11-52113a871c7d">Re: Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine to ask the bridesmaids to wear a certain shoe. Here's an idea:  Why don't you have them pick shoes from payless (dyeables) or even David's bridal, and have them all dyed the same color.  This might help with those that are picky on the comfort (I know I would not last long in 4" heels). But if I were your bridesmaid, and you asked me to wear 4" hot pink heels, I would do so happily!
Posted by vszyman[/QUOTE]

I totally agree vszy!  It is totally fine.  I think shoes are part of the buying a dress package!  I would wear any shoe requested by a bride i was a bridesmaid for...with the exception if it was hundreds of dollars (then I might have an issue).  If you find an affordable shoe that you love, there is nothing wrong with requesting that they all wear it, especially if they are wearing short dresses!

MKenealy

Dyeable shoes are soooo uncomfortable. Just tell the girls you would like them to get hot pink, and let them do the rest. Don't make them wear all the same jewelry--you love them because they are individuals, not because they are robots.

MKenealy

Don't make your BMs wear matching shoes or jewelry. Tell the girls you want hot pink and let them pick what they want. Dyeable shoes are the most uncomfortable thing in the world. You love your BMs because they are individuals not because they are robots. Tell them the color of the shoe but let them decide what is comfortable and affordable. 

KRHagen

I picked my girls shoes. They had to match a hard color so when I found them on clearance I gave them all the info and they bought them. I bought their jewelry along with lots of other things. I did not ask my girls to do anything I wouldn't do if I was in their wedding without batting an eye lash. I really don't think its a big deal. And I know its not nearly as big a deal as everyone on here makes it out to be.

BirdyGettingMarried

I asked my bridesmaids to pick silver shoes. I told them they could pick any style of shoe they wanted as long as they were silver. (I said if they could find silver cowboy boots to go for it!) One bridesmaid is is heels, and another is in flats.
I found it was ok to ask them to wear a certain color, as long as you work on their pay scale.

kmg977

What I am planning on doing for my wedding is have the Bridesmaids wear that same shoes for a couple reasons.  They ladies are wearing short dresses and I think it will look a lot nicer for them to have the same shoes (however it doesn't look bad to not).  My bridesmaid dresses are midnight blue so they will be wearing silver shoes.  I was very worried about them having to spend extra money and that is something that you should consider.  Half of my bridesmaids would have been able to afford it without a problem, but I was a little worried about some of the girls.  I chose to buy their shoes for them as part of their gift since I wanted a specific shoe.  If it important to you to have the same shoe, volunteer to pay for some or all of it.  Thats my opinion

ps Be carefuly with hot pink shoes, if they are not all the same shoe, pink vary in color a lot! : )

rainsfallsoftly

If you are paying for them, go ahead and choose what you want.  If they are paying for them, let them wear what they want.  I would be PO'd if I had to buy hot pink shoes I would never wear again in addition to the cost of a dress I might not wear again.  So basically, don't make them have matching shoes unless you are willing to cover the cost.

Lbrace

I always expect the bride in the wedding to tell me what shoes to wear...i like it because I hate shoe shopping and it makes it easy (esp if I can point and click at Zappos!).  I am picking out my BM shoes, because a) their dresses are short b) the color that i want them to wear is very specific, and i don't want them to have to have the burden of finding it. Plus, it's my wedding:) When they get married, I'll wear a paper bag and 4-inch heels if they want.

rainsfallsoftly

As far as the jewelry goes, I know people say it can't be a gift if you want them to wear it for the wedding, but for both of the weddings I have been in, jewelry to wear was a gift and none of us were offended.  At one wedding, it was one of two gifts, at the other I believe it was the only gift.

nfernstrom2001

I chose the shade of the shoes I wanted (that matched the flowers and jewelry) but they picked whichever ones they wanted as long as it was around the same color which is fuchsia.  I was in my best friend's wedding though and we all had the same dress and the same shoes and the same jewelry and everyone was totally fine with that too.  It didn't even cross my mind that that would be a bad thing to someone and I was the BM not the bride.  As far as the pearls go yes, you should 'gift' those to them, but that should not be your main BM gift.

heather032010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_can-chose-bridesmaids-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:b04b120f-0a57-4b86-8462-ce399b8b6e91Post:fc3dfb4a-7b2c-4d1c-8f3a-d59bd3e3fcb3">Re: Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes? : The pink heels I borrowed for my sister's wedding were a much paler shade than what all the other girls ended up with.  The world did not end, and my sister's marriage is still valid.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I'm not implying the world would end - or that the marriage would not be legal if the shades were not the same. What I'm saying is that this bride seems to have a specific vision in mind, and if one of her bridesmaids bought a pair of shoes she considered to be an awful attempt at hot pink, tensions could arise.

It's important to remember that although the wedding and all its details may be all YOU can think about, your BM's still have their own lives going on. very few people will notice the color of their shoes, especially if they're strappy. if your girls are loaded and have no problem spending more money on your big day then why not go for it. if however this is something that will add an extra monetary burden to a friend who you deem close enough to stand by your side as you say your vows, then perhaps you need to look at  this from an outside perspective. what's more important, having pink shoes in your wedding pictures, or  being an understanding and considerate friend?