My 1st Rant.. was hoping I wouldn't have one! Would appreciate your advice :)

jrich7686

Hi everyone,
I am trying to put the finishing touches on the guest list as I am hoping to order my save the dates within the next week! However, my parents are driving me absolutely nuts... they are INSISTING I invite 2 couples they are somewhat friends with that my FI & I have only met once or twice and it was only a "hi, nice to meet you" type of thing. Some background...

My parents have  2 couples they are very close with that I've known since I was a kid-- of course, I'm inviting them. Then, there are another 2 couples that are also friends with all of them that they see somewhat often, but whom I'm not super close with, but I am still inviting them since I've known them for awhile. Now, additionally (and what I have a problem with) there are 2 more couples  who sometimes hang out with all of them.

My parents are insisting I invite the last 2 couples, who I barely know, because they dont want to be "embarassed" that they have invited all of their other friends and not these two couples who they are not nearly as close with (and furthermore, who dont even know my fiance and I).. One couple invited my parents to their son's wedding last summer, so my parents throw that up in my face (they invited us so we have to invite them). My mother is constantly using terms like "I'm not going to invite this person, I am inviting these people" and completely forgets this is our wedding and refuses to respect my wishes to keep the guest list limited to close family & friends.

Their friends are already taking up almost 2 tables... my father justifies this as "You are inviting some people I dont know" which I reply with "because this is my wedding!"  My parents refuse to see my side, and while 4 extra people dont seem like much it all adds up and to me it's more of the principal of the thing. Why should I cut back on my own friends to invite 4 people I barely know. My parents chalk it up to a matter of respect, but I think they're being unreasonable.

Now the clincher is, they are paying for a big portion of my reception... but shouldn't that be a gift from the heart, without ultimatums? Have tried to talk to them about this reasonably, but it always ends in an argument.

Thoughts? Thank you in advance girls!!

FireDancer04

Unfortunately they are paying for a large part of the wedding. Chances are you'll only have to thank them and let them have fun. It is only 4 people, is it really worth having a fight with your parent?

cg-pm52111

Sorry, but I'm with Lauren here.  If your parents are paying for it, they absolutely get a say.  At least it's only 2 couples and not 10.  This is one of those things you should let go.

jrich7686

You make a valid point... but I dont want to have to not invite some of my friends to invite 4 people I dont know-- We're trying to keep the guest list on the smaller side, and my FI has a big family and although my family is smaller than his, we have a lot of family friends. I do see both sides to the argument but so many people tell me that I have to put my foot down or else it's going to be "well we have to invite these people if we invite those people..." when my FI & I just want the people closest to us there, because it is after all, our wedding, and not a day for my parents to entertain their friends.

Luv2Cook27

I am with the other girls. If your parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, then they do get more say then you would like.

Is there a reason why you can't also invite your friends? I know 4 more people can easily add up, but  if you really want them there perhaps don't send them a save the date, but if finances work out , send them an invite. 

Good Luck!

auntykarebear

Um, don't take this the wrong way--BUT--I think you're being really selfish. 

When your parents are paying for a huge part of your wedding, you kind of need to bend a little. They'd like to invite their friends. If they're paying for so much of it, you let them. Now, if they weren't paying for anything, you absolutely have the right to put your foot down. 

Why do you care if they invite their friends and you don't know them very well? Do you know ALL of the friends and family your fiance is inviting? I doubt it--I know I don't know everyone my fiance is inviting to our wedding. 

My advice? Relax. You're really sweating over something ridiculous. With all due respect, your parents are being really, REALLY generous by paying for so much, the least you could do is let them invite some friends of theirs. 

I just don't think you have a valid concern here. No offense. 

mariegra

No offense, but I agree with the majority....just let them invite them, not that big of a deal in the grand scope of things.

jrich7686

Hi girls, thanks for the advice. I'll take it into consideration, although I'd have to disagree as I dont think I'm being selfish. I appreciate my parents very much, but truthfully dont agree with their pressuring me into inviting people who dont really know me (and who they arent very close with themselves.) Their reasoning for inviting these people is because they dont want to look bad in front of the friends they are close with, and while my parents are helping pay for some of the reception, my fiance & I are paying for the other costs. But thanks again for your advice!

Brodie and Chevelle

I agree with everyone else...you won't remember four extra people being there...so I'd just let it go. No big deal! And it'll make your parents more comfortable on your special day.

jrich7686

thanks again for your advice !

Megglez2008

I have to agree with the other girls as far as if they are giving you money towards your wedding, then they do get a say in who is invited. If it is only 4 extra guests, I'd say just go with it. If they aren't that close with your parents like you say, then chances are, they probably won't come anyway. Both sets of parents gave us money towards the wedding, and while we had a number in mind, we were flexible with adding a few extra couples and friends before invitations went out because they wanted some more people there. We wanted to stay at 150, we invited 163 and ended up with 123. Don't sweat it, and let them invite the four extras so you can move on with your planning. It will still be your day and it will be beautiful!

danto

Just because your parents are paying for it does NOT mean they have control of your wedding,  Its YOUR wedding and should be a reflection and celebration of you and FI with those who are most important to you.

That said making sure your family (especially Mom) is happy w/ your plans is also critical (again regardless of who is footing the bill).  How often will she get to be a Mother of the Bride? Its a big day for her too and she wants to share your exciting plans and wedding photos w/ her friends even if these other couples are around.

Guestlists are so frustrating!