Bank Transfer Wedding Gift...

BmoreBride311

I just received an email from a friend of my FI's family. They are intending to come to the wedding, but he said that they would prefer to give us money as a gift rather than get something from our registry. We are totally cool with receiving money (but we haven't been telling ppl that) but I figured ppl would just bring it inside a card to the reception.

Anyway, he asked for our bank details so he could do a transfer. I don't know why, but I just feel odd sending our bank account numbers. Not b/c of security/trust reasons, it just seems weird for some reason to just get a bank transfer as a wedding gift. But I don't want to offend him, so I guess I should send the account #s?? How should I word my response... "Thank you for the offer to transfer me money!" hahaha.

Thoughts anyone?

arunkumar

 I would never give anyone my bank account information. That's too personal. I would say that you prefer not to give that information to anyone and you'be be happy to accept a check or money order if he still wants to give you a monetary gift.

Amanda1443994

I agree with the above. If they just want to give money, why can't they send a check? Even if it's family I prob. wouldn't give out my account numbers.

LADY324

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_bank-transfer-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0713d4b1-9b4f-4bc9-9a7b-96fa3ba4ed29Post:cd40a39b-6116-43fd-bc86-43ab52e5744b">Re: Bank Transfer Wedding Gift...</a>:
[QUOTE] I would never give anyone my bank account information. That's too personal. I would say that you prefer not to give that information to anyone and you'be be happy to accept a check or money order if he still wants to give you a monetary gift.
Posted by arunkumar[/QUOTE]

Yeah I would agree with this that sounds really sketchy to me.  I would not give him your bank account numbers. 

BmoreBride311

It's super common to give out bank account numbers here in the UK (ppl will write them on their business cards, etc.) but yeah, I'm still used to the American way of holding that information close, so it just feels weird. 

I think I'm just going to say we're in the process of merging our bank accounts so a check or cash would be easier. It's not a 100% lie.

penny12986

Maybe he doesn't use paper checks?  I personally don't.  Is he anticipating that you could have difficulty or a delay in cashing a check in the UK?

As for the security aspect, everytime a person writes a check, they are publicizing their bank account and routing number so sending your's to him doesn't seem much different.

butterflyjumper1

I agree with everything that has been said. My fiance's aunt who lives in Scotland asked us for his bank account number and she thought nothing of it. I thought it was absolutely bizarre and told him not to do it, but fiance's mom (who is also from Scotland) thought the whole thing was totally normal.

Actually, I think this wire transfer was our first official wedding present, haha.  I wouldn't promote this as a way of getting gifts - but it works for us (even though I found the whole thing sketchy). Apparently it's totally normal across the pond...

arunkumar

That's interesting Bmore and Butterfly. I wonder if this person is from across the pond. I guess it all depends on how close your FI is with this person and whether he can trust the friend with the bank information.

If he doesn't have a checkbook (my FI didn't until he was closing on a house two years ago and needed to write a good faith check), then a cashier's check can always work.  But perhaps he's worried or paranoid about the check getting lost in the mail.   If he lives close by, can he drop off the check/cash or meet you somewhere?

Nancy00714

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_bank-transfer-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0713d4b1-9b4f-4bc9-9a7b-96fa3ba4ed29Post:202e33ed-a4b8-4a4c-a23f-f3bace641232">Bank Transfer Wedding Gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just received an email from a friend of my FI's family. They are intending to come to the wedding, but he said that they would prefer to give us money as a gift rather than get something from our registry. We are totally cool with receiving money (but we haven't been telling ppl that) but I figured ppl would just bring it inside a card to the reception. Anyway, he asked for our bank details so he could do a transfer. I don't know why, but I just feel odd sending our bank account numbers. Not b/c of security/trust reasons, it just seems weird for some reason to just get a bank transfer as a wedding gift. But I don't want to offend him, so I guess I should send the account #s?? How should I word my response... "Thank you for the offer to transfer me money!" hahaha. Thoughts anyone?
Posted by BmoreBride311[/QUOTE]


That is very common here.  People even include their bank info on wedding websites ::cringe::

ETA:  I would just respond, "Here, you go!"

BmoreBride311

Schatzi - I don't mind answering! Well, I kept a U.S. checking account open, but also have an acct in the UK. now. FI has them in both countries, too. But we are planning to return to the U.S. in another year or so, so I thought it made sense to just hang on to one there. 

FI's is with HSBC U.S., and we have the UK HSBC here, so it's really easy to transfer between the two without incurring rip off exchange rates, so that's what we'll do with any checks we receive.

Do you plan to settle in the EU, or just moving temporarily?

Nancy00714

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_bank-transfer-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0713d4b1-9b4f-4bc9-9a7b-96fa3ba4ed29Post:accd2cb2-22f1-4fb1-b15b-b49610b8cecf">Re: Bank Transfer Wedding Gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, it's out there with every check, though people don't think about that. You can't do much with the info except put money into the account. Bank account numbers are pretty public in Germany, too. Companies and individuals do bank transfers all the time. If you're not comfortable, though, then say what you have above. Bmore and Nancy, slighly OT: what do you plan to do with any USD cash and checks that you receive? We're moving overseas pretty soon after the wedding and haven't yet figured out what we're doing for transfering money over. We'd rather not lose a huge chunk of cash in the process. (You don't have to answer if it's too personal!)
Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]


this probably sounds horrible but I told my mom that we were giving her X amount to help with the wedding.  So I am going to give her my euros (basically as insurance and she'll continue paying in dollars).  Depending on what we're given, we're are then going to give her checks/cash and she's going to give us back the  euros.  Does that make sense?  Anything else I'll deposit in my bank account.  I've never found the fees to be too bad when you use your debit card. 

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_bank-transfer-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0713d4b1-9b4f-4bc9-9a7b-96fa3ba4ed29Post:1a7d174a-6ec9-4b00-ae62-e40dfc28659a">Re: Bank Transfer Wedding Gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]It's super common to give out bank account numbers here in the UK (ppl will write them on their business cards, etc.) but yeah, I'm still used to the American way of holding that information close, so it just feels weird.  I think I'm just going to say we're in the process of merging our bank accounts so a check or cash would be easier. It's not a 100% lie.
Posted by BmoreBride311[/QUOTE]

I guess it depends on how you feel. It seems like this is becoming very common just about everywhere but the US lol. People here also give out their bank account numbers for any reason. Actually when it comes to weddings, everyone deposits/ transfers money into one of their bank accounts or even a special bride and groom account. No registries, no actual gifts, very few envelopes... mostly all bank account movements. In fact, it's not so uncommon to recieve the couple's bank account number on an insert of their wedding invite. FI wants to do it soooo bad since it's 100% customary around here lol.

I don't worry so much about giving bank accout #s myself because if everyone is so comfortable giving it out, I understand there's not a lot of damage you can do (in these countries where people are used to this) with just a person's bank account number. So that's why if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it and just send him the bank number. But if not, a check doesn't sound like a bad alternative.

littlemoments324

wow! that would scare me!!!  Even if it were common!  I would say 'cash or check would be easier because we'll be changing accounts soon.'

LammChop

Tell him you think a money order would be better