My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?

ayana321

Okay so we went bridesmaids dress shopping for the first time and one of my friends complained about everydress. She has a stomach problem and wide back and in one dress she said she NOt wearing a bra! I'm like you have to wear a bra. She also have to wear a girdle to hold in you stomach! She said no she doesn't need to wear that and she can hold in her stomach. My other friend said a girdle wont help. You would still see the stomahc sticking out. Is this true??? What shall about these complaining brides. Should I just be demanding and say u are going to wear THIS dress and you HAVE TO wear a GRIDLE and a BRA!! Please help. The wedding is September 10, 2011.

Cantia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:f2f8311a-0f1d-4c8d-8c7e-f00e7c4f2775">My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so we went bridesmaids dress shopping for the first time and one of my friends complained about everydress. She has a stomach problem and wide back and in one dress she said she NOt wearing a bra! I'm like you have to wear a bra. She also have to wear a girdle to hold in you stomach! She said no she doesn't need to wear that and she can hold in her stomach. My other friend said a girdle wont help. You would still see the stomahc sticking out. Is this true??? What shall about these complaining brides. Should I just be demanding and say u are going to wear THIS dress and you HAVE TO wear a GRIDLE and a BRA!! Please help. The wedding is September 10, 2011.
Posted by ayana321[/QUOTE]

<div>Give her the tar and feathers treatment and then beat her with with a stick until she wears the bra and girdle! How dare she not wear a bra on YOUR DAYYY!!1111!!!1</div><div>
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mollymcshea

you're being a bridezilla. If she looks bad on your day it's her own fault. She is not the center of attention, you and your FI are. You cannot 'require' her to wear a girdle. If a bride said I had to wear a girdle I would be pissed. Relax. Find a dress that she can look and feel good in. Pick the same color/material and let your bridesmaids choose their own style. David's bridal is probably best for that. You'll loose your friends if you are a demanding bitchy bride...by the sounds of it, you may be too late already. 

shortee426

Pick a color and let each BM choose a dress they will be comfortable in.  If you want to ensure all dresses are the same shade, with no variance, also specify the fabric/designer (but talk to each girl privately about their budget before choosing to make sure they can each afford the dress!).

Personally, I think telling your BM that she has to wear a girdle is awful.  You love the girl for who she is, no matter what her shape or size is.  J's sister has some health issues, which had led to her putting on a lot of weight, mostly in her stomach.  Yet I would never dream of telling her to wear a girdle!  She will wear what she is comfortable in and what she thinks she looks good in.  If for some reason she doesn't look as good as she thinks she does, it will reflect on her, not me.

topchef33

Tell her what color you want the dress to be and have her try on different styles of dresses that flatter her figure. Telling your friend she needs to wear a girdle is not good.

crlewis803

That isn't very nice to insist on someone wearing something that isn't very comfortable. They will be wearing those clothes for hours. Let her find something that she is comfortable in. Friends look out for each other and it doesn't sound like you are doing that right now. You should want her as a BM because of who she is, not how she looks in a BM dress.

StacyJenniges

I have all different sizes for bridesmaids, one of mine is prety big, because of that I picked out empire waist dresses for my bridesmaids to choose from.  My largest bridesmaid like a different dress from most, and she truely looked better in that dress.  I asked her if she would feel awkward if she was the only one wearing that dress her response was, "Truefully I would feel awkward wearing the other dress that everyone else is wearing."  I told her to buy the dress she wanted because she did look better.  She was so happy and excited, and really the pictures will look so much better because she will look better and be comfortable.

Ok so now that I'm done with what i'm doing my advise to you is to listen to her and maybe let her choose a different dress.  It's not easy being the "big bridesmaid"  I know I've been there.  Take her feelings into concideration and if she looks good and feels good you'll be happy you let her choose it will come accross in the pictures.

powen123

All my bridesmaids are different sizes and me being someone who is very uncomfortable with her shape I can empathize with your bridesmaid.  I can understand at the same time that you want everything to be perfect and all your girls to look good too. 
That said, please consider how you would feel if one of your friends told you that you needed to wear something that altered your shape and basically, made you feel bad.  Yes it is your day and that is important and not to be lost in the shuffel, but is there not another dress from this designer that you love too that could be used with this bridesmaid?

RamonaFlowers

Dictating somebody's undergarments is a completely bridezilla move. If your friends don't want to wear a bra or girdle, that really is none of your damn business, even if they would "look better" wearing one.

If your girls are all different body types, I think the best move would be is to just pick a color and a fabric and just let them pick what they want from there. Personally, I'd much rather have my BMs looking happy in my wedding photos because they feel beautiful in mismatched dresses, than looking miserable because they feel ugly in identical ones.

seltonandashlee

Haha I honestly don't think you're demanding anything outrageous by telling her she needs to wear a bra, but a girdle is over-the-top. Pick a dress that they feel beautiful in, and that they can wear a bra with.

blahblah85

As a bigger woman, I feel more confident when I wear shapewear.  I walk taller, and I feel like I look better. 

And unless her dress holds those puppies in she really needs to wear a bra.  The girdle will streamline her, but it is not an absolute must.  Maybe instead of a girdle you could sugest (not demand) a longline bra, and a pair of spanx?  Nothing too tight or she'll look like shes been cut in the middle, and it will be uncomfortable if it is too tight.  You need to approach your bridesmaid in a tactful way.  She is your friend, and you should be considerate of her feelings and comfort.

mbcdefg

If my friend told me that I had to wear a girdle to her wedding to hold in my stomach, I'd smack her for being such a rude biitch.

crlewis803

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:0757bbe5-e821-4abf-95d7-06d59c3e0a11">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]If my friend told me that I had to wear a girdle to her wedding to hold in my stomach, I'd smack her for being such a rude biitch.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]


I think I love you.

mollymcshea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:c33adfa7-0f8f-458d-9b1b-eb5000f3f501">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do? : I think I love you.
Posted by crlewis803[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>bahahaha i second this</div>

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:0757bbe5-e821-4abf-95d7-06d59c3e0a11">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]If my friend told me that I had to wear a girdle to her wedding to hold in my stomach, I'd smack her for being such a rude biitch.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

<div>This, but add "then walk out and never speak to her again."</div>

kristeno90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:e85cbdfe-45cd-484b-9d7a-f6d161ceff7f">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>you're being a bridezilla.</strong> If she looks bad on your day it's her own fault. She is not the center of attention, you and your FI are. You cannot 'require' her to wear a girdle. If a bride said I had to wear a girdle I would be pissed. Relax. Find a dress that she can look and feel good in. Pick the same color/material and let your bridesmaids choose their own style. David's bridal is probably best for that. You'll loose your friends if you are a demanding bitchy bride...by the sounds of it, you may be too late already. 
Posted by mollymcshea[/QUOTE]

This. You can not dictate what anyone is going to wear. Give them options then let them choose.

jleahd33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:3ec55f50-8c72-4f33-9689-7dfbc9f3c462">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]That isn't very nice to insist on someone wearing something that isn't very comfortable. They will be wearing those clothes for hours. Let her find something that she is comfortable in. Friends look out for each other and it doesn't sound like you are doing that right now. You should want her as a BM because of who she is, not how she looks in a BM dress.
Posted by crlewis803[/QUOTE]

This! I agree that you should let your girls pick a style thatr makes them feel comfortable and attractive. 
Have you considered a corset style dress for them? a corset, by design, will naturally hold everything in...


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Frogger5

Yeah, I don't get this "you can't tell them what to wear" idea. I think as the bride that's exactly what you get to do. That's what you sign up for when you say you'll be a bridesmaid - that and putting up with all kinds of other crazy stuff.

Evesvilla

Bottom line it's your day.  These are your friends and should know well enough to allow you to have what you want.  What exactly is a bra & girdle in the long run of a great friendship.  So she will be uncomfortable for 8 hours, big woop.  Tell her to get over it or don't come.  I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all.  Besides that all the pictures that will be taken are keepsakes and photos that you will have for the rest of your life.  In 10 years when you are looking at pics of your bridal party and the first thing you notice is your BM (bra-less & hanging out all over the place) what will that make you feel like??  Get everything you want and how you want it, within reason of course.  If you were asking her to chop off her hair, dye it hot pink and spike it that would be something to be upset about, but a BRA???  REALLY!!!?!??!!?  I don't understand how that is such a huge deal.  Maybe she is being self-conscious about her body, but if so you need to get to the bottom of what the issue really is and work it out.  If it really is over nothing but a bra, dump her.  You don't need that type of miniscule childish stress coming up to your wedding, you have enough to deal with

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:a40333b2-b6a8-47b4-8578-0caa898ff29b">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I don't get this "you can't tell them what to wear" idea. I think as the bride that's exactly what you get to do. That's what you sign up for when you say you'll be a bridesmaid - that and putting up with all kinds of other crazy stuff.
Posted by Frogger5[/QUOTE]

Sure, you can tell them what dress to wear and what colour.  If you buy their shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup, you can dictate that aswell.

It is NEVER acceptable to tell someone that they MUST wear a girdle.  That is a biitch move.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:7dd30b40-af87-4cb3-a921-a54168649993">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bottom line it's your day.  These are your friends and should know well enough to allow you to have what you want.  What exactly is a bra & girdle in the long run of a great friendship.  So she will be uncomfortable for 8 hours, big woop.  Tell her to get over it or don't come.  I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all.  Besides that all the pictures that will be taken are keepsakes and photos that you will have for the rest of your life.  In 10 years when you are looking at pics of your bridal party and the first thing you notice is your BM (bra-less & hanging out all over the place) what will that make you feel like??  Get everything you want and how you want it, within reason of course.  If you were asking her to chop off her hair, dye it hot pink and spike it that would be something to be upset about, but a BRA???  REALLY!!!?!??!!?  I don't understand how that is such a huge deal.  Maybe she is being self-conscious about her body, but if so you need to get to the bottom of what the issue really is and work it out. <strong> If it really is over nothing but a bra, dump her.  You don't need that type of miniscule childish stress coming up to your wedding, you have enough to deal with
</strong>Posted by Evesvilla[/QUOTE]

and I'm sure your BM would be more than happy to get out of your wedding.  That is horrible.  Thank God I don't have friends like you. 

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:a40333b2-b6a8-47b4-8578-0caa898ff29b">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I don't get this "you can't tell them what to wear" idea. I think as the bride that's exactly what you get to do. That's what you sign up for when you say you'll be a bridesmaid - that and putting up with all kinds of other crazy stuff.
Posted by Frogger5[/QUOTE]

I agree, the bride does have 100% control of the dress.  But she cannot, however, dictate what underwear BMs wear.

However, most brides actually like their friends and want them to like the dress that they wear, which is where the suggestion of dictating a color and letting each one pick their own style that flatters them the best.  It's not a must, but it's a nice option.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:7dd30b40-af87-4cb3-a921-a54168649993">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bottom line it's your day.  These are your friends and should know well enough to allow you to have what you want.  What exactly is a bra & girdle in the long run of a great friendship.  So she will be uncomfortable for 8 hours, big woop.  Tell her to get over it or don't come.  I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all.  Besides that all the pictures that will be taken are keepsakes and photos that you will have for the rest of your life.  In 10 years when you are looking at pics of your bridal party and the first thing you notice is your BM (bra-less & hanging out all over the place) what will that make you feel like??  Get everything you want and how you want it, within reason of course.  If you were asking her to chop off her hair, dye it hot pink and spike it that would be something to be upset about, but a BRA???  REALLY!!!?!??!!?  I don't understand how that is such a huge deal.  Maybe she is being self-conscious about her body, but if so you need to get to the bottom of what the issue really is and work it out.  If it really is over nothing but a bra, dump her.  You don't need that type of miniscule childish stress coming up to your wedding, you have enough to deal with
Posted by Evesvilla[/QUOTE]


You have got to be fvcking kidding me....

Cynthia1207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-complaining-much-shall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:ec15e767-3716-4579-8bad-bf6d00a80c1bPost:7dd30b40-af87-4cb3-a921-a54168649993">Re: My Bridesmaids are complaining too much. What shall I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bottom line it's your day.  These are your friends and should know well enough to allow you to have what you want.  What exactly is a bra & girdle in the long run of a great friendship.  So she will be uncomfortable for 8 hours, big woop.  Tell her to get over it or don't come.  I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all.  Besides that all the pictures that will be taken are keepsakes and photos that you will have for the rest of your life.  In 10 years when you are looking at pics of your bridal party and the first thing you notice is your BM (bra-less & hanging out all over the place) what will that make you feel like??  Get everything you want and how you want it, within reason of course.  If you were asking her to chop off her hair, dye it hot pink and spike it that would be something to be upset about, but a BRA???  REALLY!!!?!??!!?  I don't understand how that is such a huge deal.  Maybe she is being self-conscious about her body, but if so you need to get to the bottom of what the issue really is and work it out.  If it really is over nothing but a bra, dump her.  You don't need that type of miniscule childish stress coming up to your wedding, you have enough to deal with
Posted by Evesvilla[/QUOTE]

So I,m guessing you would want to be friends with someone who tells you you look too fat in a dress and you have to wear a girdle because it's hideous to look at?  Well kudos to you because I don't need nor have friends who insult me.

Op seriously a freakin girdle?  You have got to be out of your mind.  Way to go showing your friends how much you appreciate them.