Haven't done anything with my last name...not sure I want too?

litskispecialty

Hi ladies,

So I'm almost 3 weeks married (woo!) and I haven't done anything with my last name.  I've been adimate that I wasn't changing my name the whole time.  After we left for our honeymoon I started to have 2nd thoughts...kinda.

The only thing I will do is hypenate (sorry if I spelled that wrong) I refuse to lose my name, my identity, ME totally.

Reasons to change:
Society pressure: whole honeymoon people kept calling me "Mrs. W" even when I said oh I'm not changing my name.  Friends gave us cards and checks to Mr and Mrs W knowing I wasn't changing my name.
Tradition (although it's obviously one I don't like)
DH and I are a family now

Reasons not to change:
I've had this name my whole life
I'm educated and built my career under MY name
My family is a dying breed, I have one brother in the whole world, he isn't having kids then our name is gone.
DH and I have no plans of having children, but if we did they will have my name too.
Men don't have to change their name. (I love the reactions to that one).


So I ask  you how did you decide to change or not change and if I may ask...why?

I'm afraid once I hypenate that I will lose my name because most women eventually drop the madien name.  I feel like if I hypenate I won't say his name and our two names together sound really silly.

I"m only sort of in a rush because we are starting to look at houses.  Once you put the name on the mortage it's a lot of work to chang it if down the road I decide ok fine I'll add his name.

I don't think I'm making too big a deal of this it is for the rest of your life.  I realize I'm married for thr rest of my life now and I love DH, but I've always felt like I wouldn't change my name with whatever man I marry and I don't think I'm being disrespectful to him by not changing my name.

Thanks ladies hopefully this makes sense!

litskispecialty

DH's last name isn't the same as his mom and family who raised him either.  His real father passed away when he was 2 and his mother kept him away from his real dad's family his whole life.  He only met the family with his last name 2 years ago.  While they are wonderful people it's not like he even identifies the name with them and I don't feel a part of the family who raised DH.  I won't even call his parents "mom and dad".

dls.1215

I changed mine but I like the tradition of us being a family with one name.  I also had one of the most common last names, so I was constantly being confused with others with my name....now I have a nice Italian uncommon name

I would say its up to you, but I am curious how you would give your children your name?  Are you planning on hyphenating their names?

cg-pm52111

I changed my name for reasons to DLS.  I really felt like it was important for DH and I to be identified as a family unit.  It was hard because my family is awesome and giving up my last name was hard for that reason.  I also only have one brother and he's the last one with our name, but it is what it is.

It sounds like your gut is to not change your name and I think that's what you should do.  I'm a bit younger and haven't really established myself in a career under my maiden name, but you have.  I don't think you should do it because of tradition or because people tell you to.  You should want to and if you don't, then don't.

GL!

litskispecialty

Thanks ladies!

I guess my biggest thing with kids is that my name IS in there.  I hate hypenated names so I'm a huge hypocrite by hypenating theirs but I hate when your middle name is your mom's maiden name just to get it in there.  I've thought of First Middle My last name DH's last name, but then no one says that and you have a long last name.

I keep telling people in 25 years when their kids get married their daughters won't caught half as much slack about not changing their names...but some girls will still want to keep the tradition.  Say we had a son it would offend me because he would probably try to drop my last name as it would be before DH. 

On the flip side I don't know if I would be offended by my daughter changing her name as it's HER choice.

I'm not that much older only 28 but I've been working since I graduated college.  I just hate having to justify why I am keeping my name and hear "I guess you have a good reason" what I need one?  I feel like I should hypenate just to have his name there so we are a family and it feels more right, but once you do it that's it you can't go oh woops I made a mistake, hence my hesitation.  Plus I think you only have a certain amount of time to change things over before you have to pay and go through a bigger hassel right?

DrPB2b13

I went through some of the same thoughts, though I won't be married for a while, and ultimately I've decided to just keep my full name and tack FI's on at the end, no hyphen, so my full name in the end will be "Abigail Jane Peanut Butter."  Kind of long, but by the time FI and I are married I'll have also built a professional reputation under my own last name, and regardless of hyphen I plan on using both last names anyway.

FWIW, I believe what my FSIL did was take her husband's last name, but all of their kids have her maiden name as their middle name, e.g. "John Butter Smith" and "Jessica Butter Smith"

[Deleted User]

i am going to hyphenate.

i really want to keep my last name, its my mom's maiden name. she tried to keep her name after she was married, but it became so difficult- ie insurance, etc- that she ended up changing to her married name.

i am hyphenating because i know fi would be hurt (he wouldn't say anything) if i refused to take his name at all.

our names both begin with the same letter, and his is one syllable, and mine is only 2- so it doesnt sound bad together at all.

we are not having children, so my last name choice doesnt affect them,

mariegra

Going to take FI's last name.  Just sort of traditional that way and think it will be easier if we ever do decide to have kids.  (No immediate plans to do so).

BikerBabyz

DH & I are very untraditional (we got married last month, but the wedding isn't for a year). I immediately changed my last name to his. This is one tradition I would never go against. To me, personally, there are no good reasons to hyphenate or not change a name. I know this will offend some, but my personal opinion is that when women hyphenate &/or don't change their last name at all, they are pulling the "feminist" power card, and I can't stand that. Yes, women have rights & blah blah blah, but I do find it disrespectful to the man's family to not take their name.

As far as children go, DH & I had already discussed when we first started dating that if we had kids before we got married, they would have his last name. We both grew up with kids who had hyphenated last names & they hated it. They got teased all the time and teachers had the kids deemed as 'lawyer snob's children' even before they had met the parents. Eventhough our two last names sound quite good hyphenated, I would never do it. Never ever!!

I too, have a profession built under my maiden name. I have changed my last name at work with human resources and such, but as far as the customers know, I am still Mrs. Maiden Name. I keep work and personal very seperate, so this also ensures me another level of security. If you look up Mrs. Maiden name for records... you won't find anything, and I like the extra security.

And just as some background to my opinion...I am not 'old school', I am only 25, and both of my parents are young(ish), so I am not influenced by an 'old school' mentality. It is simply all just my opinion.

AllenBaker

I kept my last name. Honestly, I just never heard a good enough reason (for me,  understand why other people do) to change it. Our marriage isnt any less valid because I didn't drop my last name and take his. In fact, he loves that I kept my last name! It was something I always knew I would do and luckily my spouse shares my view that the roots for the tradition of name change are quite archaic (I can own property now, and have my own will, no need to change it for legal protection). We haven't really had people give us a hard time, and anyone who has I just brush off because they need to get a life if they are that invested in another couple's relationship.

Just follow your heart, you'll figure it out. Some people keep one legally and go by their husband's socially. In the end, it's a decision that can only be made by you after some personal reflection. Good luck!!