Black Tie question

addieadev

We are planning a black tie wedding; my mother is pushing hard for "black tie optional" on the invite.  I feel this is ambiguous but want to  try accommodate her wishes... any suggestions for a more fun or casual way to say "black tie optional"? 

twilight.rose

Please don't tell your guests how to dress. They are grown people who can clothe themselves. I abhor the term "Black Tie Optional." Wearing black tie attire is, essentially, always an option.

Just spread the information about attire by word of mouth, or put something on your wedding website if you have one. A small note on the site will suffice. Don't put anything about attire on your invitations.

Your wedding day will not be ruined if someone shows up underdressed. I promise the day will be such a whirlwind, you won't even notice/remember, and your wedding will still be beautiful.

ETA: If you are having a truly black tie affair, the attire would not be "Black Tie Optional." There is an entire set of etiquette rules for black tie events, which I feel you should either know/educate yourself in, if you are having a truly black tie wedding.

heyimbren

If you're having a black tie wedding, there isn't a fun or more casual way to say black tie.

I believe it's squirrly on the etiquette board who knows the proper etiquette for this, but I am under the impression that if you are having a legitimate black tie wedding, you put "black tie" in the bottom right hand corner of the invitation.

But black tie weddings are strict with etiquette.

marissa_claire

I know everyone dreads the poorly-dressed guest, but just remind your mother that it does not reflect on you guys in any way but the guest. If people show up underdressed, other will just wonder what weddings they've been to that they think it's okay.  

opalsky007

Attire should never be mentioned on invitations unless the wedding is truly black tie (white glove service, top-shelf liquor, live music, and all the other trimmings), or if the venue has restrictions.

People really do know how to dress themselves for weddings. And if they don't, that's their problem, not yours. I never have understood why people get so worried about this. I only remember what one person at my wedding wore, and it was because my normally sloppy cousin surprised me by showing up in a three-piece suit!

aerinpegadrak

According to strictest etiquette, there's no such thing as "black tie optional."  It's either black tie or it isn't.  And when you're getting into the realm of extreme formality such as black or white tie, you must abide by strictest etiquette.  If you're trying to keep things fun and casual, you're nowhere near black tie.

HeatherM610

It's funny how "Black Tie Optional" has changed it's meaning over the years, and this is strictly my opinion. To be honest, I understand your moms concerns about notifying the guests it's a BTO wedding. To be honest, people are dressing more and more casual than before. I love it, but maybe your mom just wants people to know that it's not a low key dress code.

I am currently going through the same thing with my own wedding because we are having a very traditional ceremony.Think about the setting and take it from there. You don't want to boss people around, but guests do appreciate it when you give them some type of criteria.


-HRM

addieadev

Thank you Heather for your honest and thoughtful advice.  I came to this board hoping to receive helpful guidance and was disappointed to receive caustic reprimands instead! Ironic that some here think I'm the one who needs lessons in etiquette... lighten up ladies! 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_black-tie-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:f2a7ce12-1c63-4fb5-96dd-76d6c5d96595Post:3b54db2e-e0bd-4a20-89c6-488a4cd8f8dd">Re: Black Tie question</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you Heather for your honest and thoughtful advice.  I came to this board hoping to receive helpful guidance and <strong>was disappointed to receive caustic reprimands instead!</strong> Ironic that some here think I'm the one who needs lessons in etiquette... lighten up ladies! 
Posted by addieadev[/QUOTE]

Quote the parts where you were reprimanded. Don't make a claim like this without proof. I don't see anybody who reprimanded you at all- the PP were letting you know that Black Tie is more than just a dress code.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_black-tie-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:f2a7ce12-1c63-4fb5-96dd-76d6c5d96595Post:3b54db2e-e0bd-4a20-89c6-488a4cd8f8dd">Re: Black Tie question</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you Heather for your honest and thoughtful advice.  I came to this board hoping to receive helpful guidance and was disappointed to receive caustic reprimands instead! Ironic that some here think I'm the one who needs lessons in etiquette... lighten up ladies! 
Posted by addieadev[/QUOTE]
You asked for advice, you received it.  Don't come back crying about how you don't like that it wasn't what you wanted to hear.