Battle with FI over my wedding shoe

sharges

My fiance and I have had a few arguments over the shoe I should wear on our wedding day.  I'm 5'9 he's about 6'1 he told me that he did not want me to be taller than him on our wedding day.  I have never worn really high heels anyway and tried to explain to him that on our wedding day I really want to feel beautiful and if I have to wear a flat flat shoe I will not feel comfortable flopping down the aisle.  He is insisting that he see's the shoe before I make my final decision, the heel height I found is 2 3/4 inches tall, he completly freaked out when I told him how tall the heel was.  He said I'm not taking his feelings into consideration, and I explained to him that regardless to what size heel I wear, on that day considering my lean build, updo hairstyle and veil, I'm going to look long and tall anyway.  I think he's being really silly about the whole thing because honestly I don't think anyone is really going to pay attention to the height thing anyway.  I feel he knew I was a tall woman when he decided he wanted to marry me and I feel that he is embarassed by my height and that is not sitting well with me at all.  I told him I will not wear a ballet slipper on my wedding day.  On top of the fact that I have a problem with my achilles heel that really flares up when I wear flat flat shoes anyway, but that does not make a difference to him.  What should I do???? any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, should I just bite the bullet and wear a flat shoe anyway just to please him, but I'm still going to appear taller anyway.  HELP!!!

jagore08

His shoes should make up the difference.

emisi

A) It sounds like he's being pretty controlling.  He needs to approve your shoes?  Really?   If it's really that much of an issue, what about compromising with a low heel, like 1"?  There are kitten heels out there that are really cute.

girl2bewed

The height on his shoes should help like jagore said. He doesn't care about the shoe so much as just not wanting you to be taller then him, maybe thats a weird guy complex?

katieanne85

My Fi is only a couple inches taller than me and once said if I had been taller than him he may never have asked me out, I was kind of weirded out by that but he said he would have been the biggest fool for it. Lol

Your Fi sounds controlling, wear does he get off telling you how tall you are allowed to be, what about your feelings? your comfort on the wedding day?
Is this normal behavior for him?
The shoe thing isnt important in the long run but what is important is how you treat eachother, you dont want to start your marriage nitpicking and pushing and shoving over trivial matters.

girliegirlral

If his only reason is that he doesn't want you taller then him, then I would suggest that he buys himself shoe inserts.

jennylove810

Um, your FI needs to STFU and get over it.

I mean I can understand if he doesn't want you in 6" stilettos, towering over him like an Amazon woman.  However, if you want to wear some pretty heels, wear some pretty heels.

ring_pop

You are both being stubborn asses IMO.

1. There are lots of gorgeous shoes with heels shorter than 2-3/4". There are lots of great men's shoes with a bit of height in the heel as well.
2. You BOTH have the right to feel gorgeous on your wedding day.
3. Achilles issue aside, your flat-footed walk down the aisle won't look THAT bad. Nor will the pictures look awful if you are the same height or a touch taller than him. I'm not downplaying your health issues, I'm just saying that neither of these are as huge problems as you are making them out to be.

If you both just listen to each other and try to compromise, there are plenty of ways to resolve this fight that will satisfy both of you. That's what marriage is all about.

ewenner

I agree with ring_pop completely - there is plenty of room to compromise here, if you are both willing.  And remember, at the end of the day, the most important part is that you will be married, and that will remain the same regardless of who appears taller in the pictures.  take a deep breath - it will all be ok if the two of you are willing to work together.  best wishes to you both. 

ktprieto

I don't see why your only choice is to wear a flat or tower over him. What about a compromise?? Wear a heel, but make sure it's no more than 2 inches. I, as a bride, would actually be bothered if I were taller than my FI on our wedding day and weren't normally. It would just feel weird to me.

And besides all this, whether he is overreacting or not, it obviously does mean a lot to him, which is something to consider. Good luck!

bridesrighthand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_battle-fi-over-wedding-shoe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:f467c1ea-f338-4f5f-bbb0-faebc57cd596Post:3f0254f1-1797-4a30-b6f5-6de9d2852fe7">Re: Battle with FI over my wedding shoe</a>:
[QUOTE]You are both being stubborn asses IMO. 1. There are lots of gorgeous shoes with heels shorter than 2-3/4". There are lots of great men's shoes with a bit of height in the heel as well. 2. You BOTH have the right to feel gorgeous on your wedding day. 3. Achilles issue aside, your flat-footed walk down the aisle won't look THAT bad. Nor will the pictures look awful if you are the same height or a touch taller than him. I'm not downplaying your health issues, I'm just saying that neither of these are as huge problems as you are making them out to be. If you both just listen to each other and try to compromise, there are plenty of ways to resolve this fight that will satisfy both of you. That's what marriage is all about.
Posted by ring_pop[/QUOTE]

<div>EXCELLENT points and very well said.</div>

Lalanav

Personally, I don't see what he's freaking out about.  5'9 + 2 3/4 does NOT equal 6'1.  That's only 5'11 and 3/4.  So, that's 1.25 shorter than him.  I'm not really sure what he's freaking out about.

sharges

I really do appreciate all the feedback, to those that feel its no big deal, I agree too.  I'm not making the issue of the shoe, he is.  Everyone already knows how tall I am and on a regular day he has no problem with me wearing heels, he even bought me a pair of 6 inch stilleto boots that he loves me to wear, which is why I can't understand the trip on that day for that size heel.  I have compromised alot in the grand scheme of our upcoming wedding and feel if I want to wear a shoe that makes me feel beautiful then so be it, at the end of the day, all that matters is that I'm with the one I love and that is my fiance.  What's really funny is that by the time the I do's are said, I'm sure I'm going to kick those bad boys off anyway. Girliegirl I agree with the inserts as well, and he's forgetting that his shoe that comes with the tuxedo does have a heel so there is his extra height.  To those who mentioned the control thing, I agree. He wanted to see how I will bewearing my hair and makeup that day as well as having to see the veil, why??? who knows because you really tell how the veil is going to look without the dress anyway.  I'm sure it will be okay, I know once he see's me and that no one is really paying attention to the height thing he will get over it, He'll have to   Not being a stubborn ass at all, I'm just trying to enjoy our special day, by feeling beautiful and comfortable in what I wear.

tdso008

Wear the shoes you want to wear!  Maybe the 6" stilettos?  JK...

Make sure that the shoes you want will be comfortable.  If your FI has that big of an issue with the height thing, he can look into lifts for himself. 

I sitll have to decide for myself, I don't think I'll feel good about flats, so something like you described sounds good. 

Enjoy!

littlemisssara

I'm 5'1/2" and my Fiance is 5'3" - all of my shoes are either flats or 3-4 inch heels, putting me at, or slightly above his height. This doesn't bother - except I thought it would on our wedding day. My fiance actually requested that I wear heels, because he likes them, but he also stated that he understands that I don't want to be taller than him since I normally am not...
I  had a heck of a time looking for THE shoe without a heel, and finally just went into a store and tried on shoes until I found ones that were comfy. I avoided everything over 2", but finally one of my girls brought me THE shoe. It's taller than 2", super comfy and perfect. I gave up my vision of not being taller than my fiance on our wedding day, because of 3 things.
1) Respect for my husband-to-be
2) Comfort
3) His understanding of my issue. We talked, and talked, and talked, and what did I learn? That he doesn't care about my height. He doesn't care about my shoes. He cares about marrying me and spending the rest of our lives together. He told me if it's still a big deal for me in a few months, after I've had time to get used to the shoes, tht he'll get inserts if his dress shoes don't give him the little extra height.

IMO, you guys need to sit down and have a heart to heart. I wouldn't suggest doing something to appease your future husband, but discuss it and lay it all out on the table. Explain to him (rationally and calmly) exactly how you feel about the issue, find out exactly how he feels and work on a compromise so you both can be happy and not starting our married life upset about a pair of shoes.

But the most important thing to remember is that you're marrying your best friend. The shoes ultimately don't matter - your marriage does - and communication and compromise is going to be a huge part in ensuring it's success.