MOH Rant

kadoering

I came back here because I read through some posts on the main boards and they're mean over there! Anyway, this might be a long post...

FI and I got engaged 11 months ago. There was no question that my MOH would be my best friend of 3 years. For a while she was great for bouncing around planning ideas and for talking me down when I would get stressed out. In short, a great MOH. However, 4 months ago she got engaged and things have gone downhill since then. 

She's getting married in a little less than 3 months and then she'll be moving 700 miles away to be with her husband. Obviously this is very exciting for her, since they've been doing long distance for almost a year. However, it seems to me like she's so excited about it that she's failing to appreciate the little time she still has here. Since she got engaged, the future has been her sole focus and she's forgetting to enjoy the present.

It's like I no longer exist. She's been nearly impossible to get in touch with. For example, I sent her an email a week ago to pick her brain about some shower ideas. She hasn't responded, but I'm sure she saw the email because a couple days later she sent her BMs (I'm in her wedding) an email about shoes. Then, a day after the email I sent her a text because an offer that FI and I had made on a house had been accepted. She didn't respond to this either, and it hurts me that she couldn't take 30 seconds to reply to our exciting news. I haven't attempted to get in touch with her since then because I don't want to bother her and I'm trying to give her space.

I understand that she's busy planning a wedding of her own. I understand that her universe does not revolve around me. I just don't think it's too much to ask for someone, who until recently was like a sister to me, to acknowledge my existence. Honestly though, at this point I don't really even want her to be my MOH anymore because it feels like the friendship isn't really there and if anything things will only get worse after she moves.

Advice and wise words please?

SeptemberLadie

I can understand her being excited about her wedding and it does take a slight priority since her's will be first. BUT that is no excuse for not helping you plan yours, for not replying to e-mails or texts. I have a friend who is in my wedding, and she got engaged 1 week later. I was beyond thrilled and didnt care how close it was to my engagement. She is also getting married first, but has taken time to help me with odds and ends and giving ideas. It is completely doable so I don't know why your MOH can't do the same. I would send her another e-mail or text telling her you really need to talk about a few things that are really important to both of you. I would give her a few days to respond, and if you don't hear from you, then make your decision about her not being your MOH. Good luck!

jxladner

My fiance's brother got engaged in November and is getting married in July. We got engaged in February and are planning for December 2012. We're definitely in that phase of life where all of our friends are getting married at once, so it's hard dividing attention, budgets, gifts, etc. Let her focus on herself and her wedding for now. Once her wedding happens, she moves, and gets settled down, she'll be in a better place to concentrate on your wedding again. Lots of major life changes are happening for both of you and it's hard to juggle. Try to understand all the hoopla she's going through too. However, I'm also a person to freak out over not responding to a text message. Once you get her on the phone or to respond to an e-mail, let her know how you feel. She probably doesn't realize that she's hurting you. You're friends for  reason...you'll get through this

footballwife77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_december-2012-weddings_moh-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:165a14a2-af2b-4bfc-bce4-0a4d9e0ba45bDiscussion:e337a9ac-c16c-4f40-83d2-fedb34991f25Post:5cbe441d-df9a-472a-b8d0-0a141d31ad39">Re: MOH Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's brother got engaged in November and is getting married in July. We got engaged in February and are planning for December 2012. We're definitely in that phase of life where all of our friends are getting married at once, so it's hard dividing attention, budgets, gifts, etc. Let her focus on herself and her wedding for now. Once her wedding happens, she moves, and gets settled down, she'll be in a better place to concentrate on your wedding again. Lots of major life changes are happening for both of you and it's hard to juggle. Try to understand all the hoopla she's going through too. However, I'm also a person to freak out over not responding to a text message. Once you get her on the phone or to respond to an e-mail, let her know how you feel. She probably doesn't realize that she's hurting you. You're friends for  reason...you'll get through this :)
Posted by jxladner[/QUOTE]

i agree with all of this. sounds like she has ALOT on her plate and a very SHORT amt of time. i feel confident saying that she's totally not doing it on purpose.