Some of the highlights of the trip. Starts off that my mom is now terrified of falling on escalators so she will walk half a mile out of her way to be able to take an elevator instead. I kind of bullied her into getting onto an escalator with me at the MSP airport. She did JUST fine, no problem at all. We separated, they went on to baggage claim. They took the escalators again, my dad went first, she stood at the top saying “I can’t get on, I can’t get on.” She finally jumped on and apparently fell against the wall and hurt herself. So, that’s something else we’ll have to work on. She wigs out and can’t even take a step off of a curb without holding onto someone. Her 80 year old aunt was helping her off of the curbs.
So, we’d told the bride not to count on us for the rehearsal dinner of KFC. We went and got some walleye and other yummies and timed our arrival for 30 minutes after the rehearsal dinner so we could all chat with the family. Well, they had neglected to verify their order with KFC, so when they went to go pick it up, nothing was ready. So, their food was 30 minutes late. Rehearsal dinner was held at the community center of the trailer park where my aunt C lives. The groom showed up wearing a wife beater. Bride was in a tee shirt her mom had designed making a coat of arms of their last names. Turns out they didn’t even have a rehearsal, they felt they didn’t need one and would just give it a quick run through in the morning. Oh, and could everyone please show up 30 minutes early to help set up the reception area, kthanx.
We were running late and got there 15 min before the ceremony. Did help with set up. Time of ceremony rolls around and the ushers have no fucking clue what they’re supposed to do. They didn’t know who to usher, who to point, where to seat, nothing. Bride comes down the stairs, past the stage and then into the background, behind some trees. She’s coming in from the backside. Finally 20 minutes later it starts. The bride’s brother, a gm, ushers his fiancé down the aisle, the turns around dashes back to where the bride is, changes his vest and tie, and then walks her to the stage. Wedding itself went beautifully until the planes flew over in the midst of their vows. They just kept talking and so we all missed their vows. They had a friend sing a song, she was wearing a pretty dress and keds. Afterward, we walked over to the reception site. Some tables had silver, some had purple. We just staked a table. About 15 minutes later, we hear that we’re supposed to be at a purple table because we’re family. We had to verify because there was no signage or any indication of where we were supposed to go. They set up the food, and we all just sat there for almost 2 hours. Finally, Aunt C said that the bride wanted us to start eating salad. Nice salad bar except for the dressing nazi at the end. You could build your own salad, but the dressing nazi lady made sure you only got a certain amount. Meal was tasty, yet bland. There was pulled pork, bbq’d turkey, au gratin potatoes and mixed veggies (peas, corn, carrot mix). There were no condiments for any of it, which sucked. Then, as we’re in line for food, they say that they’re cutting the cake because the photographer’s time has run out. Only 2-3 people heard and were able to witness the cutting of the cake. They had a tiny cake with cupcakes for everyone. Then once that was done, we were all tasked to clean up the venue. Then it was on the VFW for drinks and dancing and Karaoke. We got to the VFW and there were NO decorations at all for them. If I’d known, I would’ve brought something to pretty it up for her. They showed up and did the bouquet toss. Then the groom went to the back and got on a creeper (rolling plank for going underneath cars and trucks) and his friends pulled him up front. Others lifted the bride’s skirt (thank God she had shorts on) and he went under the dress with his flashlight and tools and acted like a mechanic, changing tools etc., until he had her garter pulled down. Aaaawwwkward. Then began the karaoke and the dollar dance. We left before the loser of the dollar dance had to lead the chicken dance. We counted no less than 5 women with boobs that were threatening to escape their dresses. One of the friends of the family showed up in a t-shirt and ratty jeans. H says I owe him about a thousand BJs for this…I’m inclined to agree. And the cousin’s brother is getting married in April…so I get to do it allllll over again. Wheeeee. 
Edit: Picture of H and I at the outside of the group. More photos later