I'm a jerkface

[Deleted User]

Some of you may have seen me post earlier about the fact that my mom and dad may move back in together and how I thought it was a terrible idea because I thought he was using her.

Well, she told us tonight that the real reason behind the sudden push for her to move in was due to the fact that he's been diagnosed with Parkinson's. In addition, he's been having small strokes for the past few months and will pass out with out notice. He's going to have more tests run early next week to find out more.

So, he really does need someone to care for him.

I'm an asshole.

nda_roxybabe

Aww, you're not an ass. You didn't know. I'm sorry

[Deleted User]

Thanks, Roxy.

carethb

You could only be deemed and a$$hole in this situation, if you had known all of this and still came to your original conclusion.

A$$hole is cancelled out by the additional information.

DodgersBride

You're not an asshole. You didn't know. Don't beat yourself up about it. I am very sorry that you have to deal with this.

Celles

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. 

I don't know your situation, so this might not be entirely appropriate to say (if so, I apologize!) -- but if the only reason he wants her to move back in is so she can take care of him through his illness, then he is sort of, kind of using her.  I don't think you're an asshole; just a realist, and that's a good thing.

kd.joseph

You are not a jerkface. Your instinct is to protect your mother from the hurt he's caused her in the past. It's only natural.

I'm sorry your father is going through this, but when behavior like this goes on for so many years it's no wonder people jump to conclusions.

I hope they will be ok.

MeaghanandMichael

Definitely NOT an ass cew. Good lord, how could you have known? Even now that you do know, I think it is completely normal to be a bit wary. The bottom line is you are an amazing person. Your heart was in the right place and I know it still is.

rainedrop6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-jerkface?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:06a4cf8a-54af-48f8-8285-eaa13c9715cfPost:8d5fca60-5907-4ea8-8977-b6d0ba6fb0c4">Re: I'm a jerkface</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry to hear about your dad.  I don't know your situation, so this might not be entirely appropriate to say (if so, I apologize!) -- but if the only reason he wants her to move back in is so she can take care of him through his illness, then he is sort of, kind of using her.  I don't think you're an asshole; just a realist, and that's a good thing.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

I agree, I was about to write the same thing but was thinking about the right way to word it when Celles posted.

[Deleted User]

Thanks ladies. I'm so thankful to have you all to talk to. I'm just kind of in shock about it all.

And Celles, you are totally right. He is definitely still using her. But before, I thought it was more about money. I totally support her moving in to care for him because I actually think he would do the same for her.

npasquale16

Oh no, how terrible.  I don't know the back story, but I sympathize with you.

sarahmk5

Cew, I'm so sorry.  Your heart was in the right place with your worries before.  You're not a jerkface, I promise.

Nebb

Aww so sorry for your dad I think you just love your mom a lot, thats all.

[Deleted User]

Thanks guys. I really do love you all. I'm so thankful for you.

redheadfsu

You are not a jerk. Not at all. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

LedZeppelin

I don't the backstory, but I just wanted to add that I, like PPs, don't think you're an ass.

I am, also, very sorry that your dad (and your family really) is going through this.

*edited for spelling.

missy68

Can I just ditto Nebb and Meaghan? Hugs, Cew.

jamiefour

That sucks about you dad Cew and I don't think you are an ass for just trying to protect your mom.  You didn't know the situation.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I'm really sorry to hear about your father, cew. 

And I don't think you're a jerkface, either.

ricksang

Aww Cew you didn't know that. You are not an asshole!

[Deleted User]

Thanks guys. I really do feel better now. I just hate that I made my mom feel bad about it last night before I knew the whole story. I apologized to her if I was insensitive.

Does anyone know anything about Parkinson's?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I don't know much about Parkinson's other than what I've heard about Michael J. Fox, to be honest - but I think it's degenerative, and at the time there is no cure.  I think there are medications that can help control the tremors.  And I think people who are advocates for stem cell research cite Parkinson's as a disease that could hopefully be cured.

When I read your OP my heart just sank.  I don't know much about your parents or your dad - but I just can't imagine that hearing this kind of news about anyone would make anyone feel good.

ricksang

No. I don't sorry. I use this resource for case studies if you want to read up on the disease.

http://www.medicinenet.com/parkinsons_disease/article.htm

npasquale16

My grandmother's boyfriend (companion?  Boyfriend sounds ridiculous at their age) has Parkinson's.  It is degenerative, but I know he is also on a special diet to help him with stomach issues--not sure if that's a side issue or also caused by the Parkinson's.

september's bride

My grandmother had Parkinsons for nearly 20 years before she passed away (not from the Parkinsons, though) and it was pretty upsetting to see it progress. The thing is that it's a little bit better understood now, and from what I've learned, the drugs available now are much better at controlling and alleviating the symptoms. It's possible to lead a relatively normal life even with a diagnosis. Just look at Michael J. Fox...he's such a great example of coping even in the face of a scary diagnosis.

[Deleted User]

Thanks Ang and AATB. I'm in the same boat with you, AATB. The only exposure I have to it is through MJ Fox.

He goes to the dr next week and is bringing my mom with him so that she can learn more about it.

I'm just so sad for him because his health is already so bad. And the thought of him passing out at home, alone, with no one to be there when he wakes up, breaks my heart. He must be so scared when it happens.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-jerkface?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:06a4cf8a-54af-48f8-8285-eaa13c9715cfPost:4e2e06f0-4559-4f26-b56c-c56c831d3cbc">Re: I'm a jerkface</a>:
[QUOTE]My grandmother had Parkinsons for nearly 20 years before she passed away ( not from the Parkinsons, though) and it was pretty upsetting to see it progress. <strong>The thing is that it's a little bit better understood now, and from what I've learned, the drugs available now are much better at controlling and alleviating the symptoms</strong>. It's possible to lead a relatively normal life even with a diagnosis. Just look at Michael J. Fox...he's such a great example of coping even in the face of a scary diagnosis.
Posted by september's bride[/QUOTE]

This is awesome news. Thanks for sharing the info.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Well I certainly hope the best for him and your mom and the rest of your family cew.  It sounds just terrifying.

npasquale16

It's true that the medicine available now is potent and does help.  Ben was diagnosed when I was first in college and has been living with the disease since.  He is still running his construction business (his office is in their home, which helps) and the medicine has helped with the tremors and other symptoms, as well.  He is able to talk and interact with us and is not in pain or mentally incapacitated in any way.

[Deleted User]

That's awesome. And what a great name he has!

npasquale16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-jerkface?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:06a4cf8a-54af-48f8-8285-eaa13c9715cfPost:2cf45dd3-f837-4949-b1d6-876c9c781892">Re: I'm a jerkface</a>:
[QUOTE]That's awesome. And what a great name he has! :)
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
You'll be happier to know that he picked it himself.  He's Italian (right off the boat) and his real name is Biagio.  How he got Ben from that, I don't know, but that's what he picked.