Should I get over it?

jkhoutz

This past spring, an acquaintance of mine got very upset that I wouldn't be attending her wedding since my sister was getting married on the same day back in Pennsylvania, where I'm from. Two of my sisters ended up coming to town to visit me about a month before the shared wedding date and we happened to attend another acquaintance's wedding.

After the ceremony and most of the reception was over, the girl who was upset came up to me and started screaming at me about, "Why the f*** is your sister getting married the same day as me?". Hoping that she would see how ridiculous she was being, I said, "She's sitting right over there. Why don't you ask her yourself?" She then proceeded to curse my sister out and my sister got right back in her face luckily.

 The whole thing was absurd to me, especially since she apparently hadn't been drinking very much that night. The thing is, I kept waiting for an aplogy to come, but she NEVER brought it up again and acted like everything was normal. Ordinarily, I would just cut her out of my life completely but of course, she's friends with some people I'm friendly with and we cross paths every so often.

 I'm not sure whether to just let this slip because she was having one of her Bridezilla moments or whether to say something to her. It's really been bothering me because that's my sister that she was cursing out and that's not okay! Thoughts, suggestions?

eastunder1

option d seems to be missing, "quit having immature drama queens for friends."

jkhoutz

That's the thing. She's really not my friend and I only see her every now and then.

Nebb

I vote D as well.

Using "bridezilla" as an excuse for really bad behavior is the reason brides think its alright to treat people around them lik eshiit, because its excusable because theyre a "bridezilla". There is no excuse for that kind of behavior if youre a properly functioning adult.

jasmineh7777

I wouldn't associate with her. Just because you cross paths does not mean you have to talk to her. I think you could smile politely and avoid her.

katiewhompus

Ditto with D. I have had many people in my life who I didn't get along with but were friends of mutual friends. You don't have to like her to be respectful while in a group of friends, but stop hanging out with her on a regular basis.

ETA: Also, I know this is going to come off as very mean, but way to throw your sister into the fire. You had to have known that was not going to end well and if I was your sister I would have been really upset that you did that. I also hate confrontation though and would have probably ran to the bathroom crying or left the reception.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b5ca564-22bf-4c30-88d7-6a072a97c06aPost:7327705e-c438-4e91-9220-bb5ae8ba90d7">Re: Should I get over it?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto with D. I have had many people in my life who I didn't get along with but were friends of mutual friends. You don't have to like her to be respectful while in a group of friends, but stop hanging out with her on a regular basis. ETA: Also, I know this is going to come off as very mean, but <strong>way to throw your sister into the fire. You had to have known that was not going to end well and if I was your sister I would have been really upset that you did that</strong>. I also hate confrontation though and would have probably ran to the bathroom crying or left the reception.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
ditto. That was pretty childish on your own part to put that on your sister. It sounds to me like all of you need to learn to handle difficult situations like adults instead of passing the buck or throwing a fit.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b5ca564-22bf-4c30-88d7-6a072a97c06aPost:ce4cfa51-1391-473e-a33b-e021def93171">Re: Should I get over it?</a>:
[QUOTE]I also choose D. In addition, I will add that if you really did want to deal with this, the time to do so would have been this spring, not months & months later (now).<u><strong> Also, I find it odd that you AND 2 of your sisters went to an acquaintances's wedding. And got into a screaming fit with someone- next time, just don't respons, just walk away</strong></u>. Just seems like a whole'lotta odd.
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

This.

Who does that?  I hope you all apologized to the bride for making a scene at her reception.  Im sure there could have been a better place to have it out with her.

The mature thing would have been to say "Hey, why dont we talk about this another time and enjoy our friends wedding."

PharmacyBride

I say it depends on your personality and what is best for your mutual friends.

Personally- I would ignore her - don't maintain a relationship with her one-on-one.. but be polite when you have to be around her (ie. pretend it didn't happen).

She won't step up and apologize for her completely inappropriate behavior- so don't bother trying to stay friends with her or try to explain to her why she is in the wrong.  Just wash your hands of it.

I do firmly believe that you should be polite to her when you have to be around her.  Your mutual friends will appreciate not having the extra drama.

[Deleted User]

Yeah. It sounds like you're all acting a little bit idiotic. I suggest taking a step back and reassessing what it means to have healthy, drama free friendships. Some friendships just aren't worth the hassle.

mocha beans

I vote for option D as well.

For her part, really, who does something like that?  Tell an acquaintance's sister she shouldn't have her wedding on X day.  That's just childish.

For OP's part, don't egg her on further, and you shouldn't have in the first place.  For future reference, in a similar situation, just ignore it.  Say that's just the day that worked for them, and you're sorry you can't make it to her wedding.  Don't pass the crazy onto someone else to deal with, especially someone who needn't be caught in the middle of such mess, like your sister.

As for what to do now, just ignore it.  Be cordial to her when you are around her, but don't bring it up.  If she's not smart enough to realize she made a douche out of herself, that reflects poorly on her.  You don't need to tell her to apologize, she's not a child, though she surely acts like one.  Be the bigger person and don't go chasing after the last word.

diamond1189

There is no call for that. One of bridesmaids dropped out of my wedding because a family member was getting married the same day but I understood. THAT WAS JUST UNCALLLED FOR. If she can't apologize for that outrageous behavior then you may have to cut her out. She obviously doesn't respect you or your family then.

jkhoutz

Obviously, none of you know me, my sister, or the individuals involved and so what looks like me "throwing my sister under a bus", etc. is definitely not what happened. The wedding we attended was at a biker bar as well and the event was over by that point. It doesn't make any difference now but I'll follow the advice of those of you who offered it graciously and will continue to decline this girl's social invitations. I hate being fake and smiling and nodding so I'll only do that when absolutely necessary to keep the peace. Bye bye.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_should-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b5ca564-22bf-4c30-88d7-6a072a97c06aPost:182128b6-56a6-42f9-8847-737446711a90">Should I get over it?</a>:
[QUOTE]This past spring, an acquaintance of mine got very upset that I wouldn't be attending her wedding since my sister was getting married on the same day back in Pennsylvania, where I'm from. Two of my sisters ended up coming to town to visit me about a month before the shared wedding date and we happened to attend another acquaintance's wedding. After the ceremony and most of the reception was over, the girl who was upset came up to me and<strong> started screaming at me about, "Why the f*** is your sister getting married the same day as me?". Hoping that she would see how ridiculous she was being, I said, "She's sitting right over there. Why don't you ask her yourself?" She then proceeded to curse my sister out and my sister got right back in her face luckily</strong>.  The whole thing was absurd to me, especially since she apparently hadn't been drinking very much that night. The thing is, I kept waiting for an aplogy to come, but she NEVER brought it up again and acted like everything was normal. Ordinarily, I would just cut her out of my life completely but of course, she's friends with some people I'm friendly with and we cross paths every so often.  I'm not sure whether to just let this slip because she was having one of her Bridezilla moments or whether to say something to her. It's really been bothering me because that's my sister that she was cursing out and that's not okay! Thoughts, suggestions?
Posted by jkhoutz[/QUOTE]

You are correct in that we don't know you or the players, but if someone is screaming at me and I redirect their anger at someone else that's throwing them under the bus to me.

I hope things smooth themselves out for you and your sister has a beautiful wedding.

MVJP10

[QUOTE]Why, oh why did I decide to post for advice on a Bridezilla I had dealt with on the Snarky Brides forum? I thought for some reason that it was all about sane brides helping one another deal with crazy ones but now I fully realize that a few of the girls there epitomize the term (or worse).
Posted by jkhoutz[/QUOTE]

I would just avoid the bridezilla and don't engage.