WR Large Engagement Gift

aprovencher21

Hi guys.  So we aren't getting married until Jan but have received numerous engagement gifts.  People are very generous and I (we) really appreciate it; however, we received an exceedingly generous gift from one of my third cousins.  We aren't inviting third cousins to the wedding.  Now I really feel like I should but that opens us up to inviting another 50-70 people.  Ugh. Thoughts?

twilight.rose

It is my opinion that people will understand if they aren't invited...you can't invite every single person you know/are distantly related to to your wedding.

This third-cousin gave you a gift prior to invitations going out (I presume), and therefore, has no idea if they will be invited to the wedding or not. Send an appropriate thank you card for their kind gift, and leave it at that.

Blueyed228

I would just send a thank you.

Just because people choose to send you a gift does not mean you have to invite them.

Its up to you.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:b8d936a5-4702-42ac-bc9c-5dfdc51bf60e">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]It is my opinion that people will understand if they aren't invited...you can't invite every single person you know/are distantly related to to your wedding. This third-cousin gave you a gift prior to invitations going out (I presume), and therefore, has no idea if they will be invited to the wedding or not. Send an appropriate thank you card for their kind gift, and leave it at that.
Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

The gift was sent prior to me even sending out STDs.  Thank you card sent the day after receiving the gift.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:17f743a4-ac92-43f1-9162-88305ff91680">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just send a thank you. Just because people choose to send you a gift does not mean you have to invite them. Its up to you.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Very true.  Eh I think I just wish I could invite them.  Lovely large families!

tidetravel

I would just send a thank you as well.  Gifts aren't meant to be buy-ins to a wedding.  As long as they weren't invited to an engagement party, they should have no expectations of being invited.  Be prepared for them to question why they don't get an invite, however. 

sarahmk5

People send gifts out of goodwill, not want to pressure you into an invitation.  Don't invite them if you weren't intending to.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:dbdf342e-1158-452b-911e-d34e8bdaf335">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just send a thank you as well.  Gifts aren't meant to be buy-ins to a wedding.  As long as they weren't invited to an engagement party, they should have no expectations of being invited.  Be prepared for them to question why they don't get an invite, however. 
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

We did have an engagement party but that entire guest list consisted of people invited to the wedding.  They were not invited to the engagement party at all.  It was just a surprise and very sweet of them.

Blueyed228

To be honest, I have sent nice gifts to couples who I knew would not be inviting me to the wedding.

I just did it because I wanted to, I never expected an invite for it. 

If they do get upset I would be surprised and a little offended.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:edd31485-bb00-455e-91c0-3ee76294bcbf">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]To be honest, I have sent nice gifts to couples who I knew would not be inviting me to the wedding. I just did it because I wanted to, I never expected an invite for it.  If they do get upset I would be surprised and a little offended.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

I've done that as well but its different now being me getting the gifts.  I hope they won't be offended that they aren't invited.  I don't think they will.

deepcovejackie

A nice thank you card would be fine.  Use your gut instincts, and if you want them to come, invite them.  Don't invite them out of guilt though.  Expect that some folks not invited to the wedding will send you gifts.

scoetto

How would inviting them require inviting another 50-70 guests?

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:fb4c7495-4051-473a-80fa-49ce582a98d1">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]How would inviting them require inviting another 50-70 guests?
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

My family is huge.  We viewed my family in circles....my immediate family, first cousins, second cousins....next step would be 3rd cousins.  I would feel wrong inviting one third cousin and not the rest with spouses, GF/BFs, etc.  It would add on that many more people. 

scoetto

Yikes, that sucks! I'm not one for a B list but...

I dunno. I always feel like I should invite people who gift. But I'm a pushover like that.

zippityb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:bc175926-cefd-45c7-9393-5019db301920">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Yikes, that sucks! I'm not one for a B list but... I dunno. I always feel like I should invite people who gift. But I'm a pushover like that.
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

I feel the same.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wr-large-engagement-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7613cf-c7c1-4f94-a0ac-22a9589e4567Post:bc175926-cefd-45c7-9393-5019db301920">Re: WR Large Engagement Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Yikes, that sucks! I'm not one for a B list but... I dunno. I always feel like I should invite people who gift. But I'm a pushover like that.
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

See that's how I feel.  If my family didn't all talk and gossip like the Italians we are I could get away with inviting them but it'd never work.  I'd piss off so many people that way.  When planning the wedding we were originally planning for 150 people, ha ha.  Thank god I picked a larger ballroom (holds 300 people) because the guest list is at almost 250 now.  I want to video my wedding and call it A Big Fat Italian wedding.....