FMIL dilemas...

cb0909

So two things...
1. We have hired a great photographer and are spending a ton of money on them. While visiting a few weeks ago, my FMIL tells me her friend who is a "guest" at the wedding who also happens to work at a studio wants to take "snapshots" and will give them to us on a cd. I told her that our contract clearly states no other photographers etc etc and that I do not feel comfortable with this. She totally blew me off and kept saying it would be fine. I am trying to keep the waters calm but just not sure what I should do. My mom wants to get involved but I am just trying to keep everybody happy... Any advice on FMIL??
2. Also while there, she asked me if their names would be included on the invitation. She tells me that her friends will not know who it is unless her name is included...umm I really had no idea what to say to this? Did yall include groom's families on the invite even if they are not paying for anything?
Thanks for the advice ladies, I am about ready to rip my hair out! 

cfibelkorn

1. You should have your FI talk to his mom. Have him tell her he in no way means to be offensive but her photographer cannot come...period! On that issue he needs to put his foot down firmly. Make sure its not you who says anything though or else that could be the beginning of a bad relationship with his mom. For some reason I have noticed (with my FMIL too) that they go crazy when it comes to their son getting married. Just grin your teeth and make him do all the talking...hopefully she will go back to normal after the wedding!

2. I do not feel like their names should be on the invite if they are not helping to pay. Now if they are not helping b/c you honestly know they really cannot financially afford it then maybe talk to your parents (who Im assuming are contributing) and explain the situation and ask your parents if they would be okay with neither parents name on the invite...this way no one gets their feelings hurt. But if they are just not helping b/c of whatever reason then OH WELL!

HTH!

loveypants

1. I agree with having your FI talk to her about no other photographers.

2.  Honestly having gone through some SERIOUS MIL drama.  I would pick your battles.  I think that there are ways to include his parents name on the invite and still make it clear you/ your parents are hosting.  I would let this battle go if I were you

HTH!

Mariah09202008

For your first problem, if your FMIL's friend is just taking pictures like any other person at a wedding, then that's fine.  But if they're trying to take posed, professional shots-that's how they would be breaking the contract with your photographers. So make sure your FI tells his mom that the friend is allowed to take pictures, but nothing that would get in the way of your hired photographer doing his/her job.

Just to make everyone happy, you can include the IL's names just do:
Mr. and Mrs. Brides parents
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter

Brides name
to
Groom's name
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents
date, etc.

llc2011

I agree with Mariah on both points.  If they are just taking snapshots at the wedding like any other guest then it should be fine.

On the invite part, my FI parents probably aren't contributing much of anything financially, but I'm going to put their names on there (in the way that Mariah listed above) just because I wanted their name on there.

cb0909

Thanks ladies.  Mariah, she said " I know you prob have a clause in the contract about other photographers but honestly who will know". So I think the plan was to have her friend take photos and giver her a cd. I know I need to pick my battles but this is only the latest. It seems like I never pick a battle and I just go along with everything! It took 3 months of fighting for me to finally get her guest list and get her to cut her list. I was not inviting some of my extended family so that she could have equal numbers and invite friends (my parents are divorced so it adds more people bc they have separate friends and stepfathers family) I'm just hoping that she will back off some after the wedding is over! Thanks!

fallbride1109

I did like Mariah did regarding the invites.  My parents didn't contribute (this was my second marriage) but my husband's parents still insisted my parents' names be included.

I agree that any issues with your FMIL need to be handled by your FI. 

Mariah09202008

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fmil-dilemas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:042ce350-ac03-458c-96de-6b8f6f09fd80Post:7ad4cfb3-22fc-4843-89f1-ddf61f9a499d">Re: FMIL dilemas...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies.  Mariah, she said " I know you prob have a clause in the contract about other photographers but honestly who will know". So I think the plan was to have her friend take photos and giver her a cd. I know I need to pick my battles but this is only the latest. It seems like I never pick a battle and I just go along with everything! It took 3 months of fighting for me to finally get her guest list and get her to cut her list. I was not inviting some of my extended family so that she could have equal numbers and invite friends (my parents are divorced so it adds more people bc they have separate friends and stepfathers family) I'm just hoping that she will back off some after the wedding is over! Thanks!
Posted by cb0909[/QUOTE]If your parents are paying for the wedding, there is no need to have "equal numbers" on who gets to invite who.  At least, that's my opinion. 

And if she said, "who will know?" then you need to specifically ask your FMIL what she means and what her expectations are as far as pictures are concerned from the friend.  If she says she wants extra posed pictures, then say "no, that's against the rules".  But seriously, there are going to be a ton of other people at your wedding taking their own shots of the wedding from their cameras, so what's the big deal if her friend does it too and gives her a CD?  Like I said, as long as you didn't HIRE the friend, then that person isn't breaking your contract with your photographers.

Also, I had issues with my FMIL.  Like people say, pick your battles and it's best to learn early on that you cannot make everyone happy when planning a wedding.  So just take things with a grain of salt and go about your business.

Tiffany618

Goodness I'm sorry your having troubles!

On the photographer issue, I agree with everyone else that you need some clarification on their role.   What are they gonna do, take random "from the crowd" photos with the tops of guest's heads in them and such?  I highly doubt that... they are probably gonna be trying to shadow the photog and take double shots.   If that is the case then either they shouldn't come or it should be made clear that they cannot do that.

On the invitation, we put both parents names because we wanted to.  His parents are paying for the RD, but I used the wording that Mariah posted and I think it sounds very appropriate.   I'm sure for the RD both sets of parents will be on there as hosts as well, even though FIL's are paying.   We all get along really well though so it kinda works out.

JustinandLindsay2009

I just want to add this.....in 2 years, it won't matter whose names were on the invitations.  I know it seems like a big deal now but like PP's said, pick your battles.

BalletBride620

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fmil-dilemas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:042ce350-ac03-458c-96de-6b8f6f09fd80Post:ac7fbf58-b16a-492e-8f2e-da0dbfdd2e89">Re: FMIL dilemas...</a>:
[QUOTE]For your first problem, if your FMIL's friend is just taking pictures like any other person at a wedding, then that's fine.  But if they're trying to take posed, professional shots-that's how they would be breaking the contract with your photographers. So make sure your FI tells his mom that the friend is allowed to take pictures, but nothing that would get in the way of your hired photographer doing his/her job. Just to make everyone happy, you can include the IL's names just do: Mr. and Mrs. Brides parents request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Brides name to Groom's name son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents date, etc.
Posted by Mariah09202008[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what I thought when I read it.

almoyo

I agree with Mariah exactly.