Etiquette question

FallinAgain

I have been invited to my 4th or 5th shower in which guests are asked to bring a side dish.  I find this inappropriate and it bugs.Is this becoming the norm? Is it a midwest v. south thing?  Am I crazy?

Knottie_22382082

I've been invited to two of these (one bridal and one baby) since I moved to the midwest (from the south).  I was horrified.  To me, potlucks are perfectly ok for very casual family/closest friends get-togethers, but nothing else.  I definitely think (or maybe just hope) it's a regional thing and not something that is actually becoming the norm, though.

FallinAgain

I don't mind potlucks for a lot of things.  It's the combo bring a gift AND a dish that bugs me.

lindsayll

Maybe it's a recession thing?  I still think it's inappropriate.  When you offer to throw a shower, you host it (food, space, etc.).  If you need $$ help, you either enlist co-hosts, throw something on a smaller scale, or don't offer to throw a shower in the first place.

lindsayll

And whatever happened to simple cake and punch midafternoon affairs?

FallinAgain

Yeah, I agree.  This latest one lists 5 co-hosts.  You can't supply salad and bread for 30 people? 

KristenBtobe

It's strange. I generally offer to bring something if a relative or close friend is throwing the shower, but I'd not ask people to bring something on the invite.

buddhagouda

It's definitely strange to me.

SarahBethBR

It's strange. I generally offer to bring something if a relative or close friend is throwing the shower, but I'd not ask people to bring something on the invite. Yeah, it wouldn't phase me if I was really close to the person the shower was for, and the host called and asked me to help.  But if it was on the invite I would definitely think it was weird.

tastyburger

no, it's stupid and rude.  don't invite me to a party to "shower" the guest of honor and ask me to provide my own food!I'm w/ everyone else--if it was family or close friend and they asked me to help, that's one thing.  If it's a recession thing, have it at 3 pm and serve punch and pie.FFS.  I would be sooooooo embarrassed if I was the guest of honor and my friends/family were asked on the invite to bring food. 

mashedpotato

yeah, everything Tasty said.

CaliopeSpidrman

Just about all the parties my gang of misfits throws are potlucks (it's never required you bring something), so it wouldn't even register as odd to me.  But I also don't go to baby showers of people I'm not fairly close to, so that might make a difference.  I kind of like any excuse to make a potluck-y item too. 

Novemberrocks

I've never been to a potluck shower, but that would annoy me too.   I see no problem with a mid-afternoon shower to avoid majorly expensive food - just some crudite, finger foods, and cake, and everyone is happy.

lindsayll

5 co-hosts and they're still asking for shower welfare?  Ridiculous.

PDXPhotoGrl

No, it's not the norm, but it wouldn't shock me.When I threw Mouse's shower, I was fully prepared (and had more than enough food) that nobody needed to bring anything, but everyone asked to anyway. Our group just really likes potlucks. I think when everyone at the shower is close to each other, it's pretty natural to want to help.

lindsayll

And I just got a baby shower invitation.  It's for tea time (2 pm) and it's says "everyone is welcome to bring their favorite dessert".  Now, it's phrased as an optional thing, but it seems completely unnecessary, especially since I can on the email invite that there will be maybe 12 attendees total.  Seems to be overkill on dessert if everyone brings something.  Can't the hostess just buy a sheet cake and call it a day?

tastyburger

PG, I usually bring SOME sort of food when I go to parties because I make awesome food and like to share it with people.  But I'd be taken aback if everyone who received an invitation was ASKED to bring a side dish.  It's 1.) too specific (like if you wanted to bring a desserty thing) b.) some people don't like to cook and Farfenugen.) people who don't have time to make somethign either have to go buy something or show up without and feel "foolish" or whatever.  it's always just a good idea to take up offers instead of demanding on an invite.

PDXPhotoGrl

Totes agree, Tastycakes.

CaliopeSpidrman

While I love me a potluck, I hate ones where they specify what you're supposed to bring.  I only know how to make a minute number of items well enough to share with others -- you will get one of them and you will like it!

jbloom

I ended up not going, but the last engagement party I went to was a pot luck.  I got a group email from one of the planners asking us to tell ahead of time what we were going to bring so there wouldn't be 10 bags of chips and dip.  I was sort of floored.  I had no idea who all was invited or how many were expected to show, no idea what sort of dishes they were looking for and what they already had lined up.  On one hand I can get on board with a pot luck if I am super-close with the group or the circumstances seem right, like maybe a sports gathering, but re: the tea party shower -- what are they doing, buying a box of teabags?  How can you call that a party?  And it takes 5 people to coordinate that?  maybe focus on being good hosts instead of what color streamers to buy and annoying shower games that no one likes.

jbloom

* the last engagement party i was invited to