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That just happened...

AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
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in Snarky Brides
Sorry for the wall of text - here's some CN - my ex texted me today, out of the blue, and ended up being a jackass to me for no reason.

But yeah - he just randomly texts me today out of nowhere.  I haven't talked to him in forever, we broke up almost two years ago and I immediately started dating Ben right after (Ben and I were together before, in high school, and after that was over I dated my ex for six years), and he wasn't really keen on that - not that I blame him, but that's just how it happened. 

I'm still trying to process how this whole exchange went down because I seriously can't even believe he said this crap to me - if he is anything like he was when we were together then I'm sure alcohol was a factor in this but I feel like he has no excuse to talk to me this way. 

This is how it went:

EX: So, just as a curious guy, how is DMW’s life?

ME: Pretty good! Staying busy. Wish summer was longer but oh well! How are you?

EX: I can’t begin to explain… but great.

ME: So glad to hear that! How’s your girlfriend

EX: Is that a joke or something? Classy.

ME: No it was a serious question but nevermind I guess

EX: I have no idea how that was a serious question… so I’m dating someone? News to me.

ME: Sorry I must have been mistaken. Forget I said anything then.

EX: Haha, you are mistaken about my life? What part of my life do you think you are unmistaken about?

ME: What? I was mistaken that you were dating someone. I had heard you were some time ago and was wondering how it was going. I don’t pretend to know about your life

EX: Haha, you REALLY gotta stop believing everything you hear. Ha, I’m done judging, being scared, afraid, or worrying. You have NO IDEA, but forgiveness is all I can give.

ME: What? Who are you forgiving?

EX: Yeah, nevermind… none of it matters. Have all the happiness you say you now have

ME: The happiness I say I have? Do you think I’m lying to everyone? What is your problem?

EX: No problem. I’m probably wrong. Ben's probably a great guy these days.

ME: Yeah, actually, he is incredible.

EX: That’s something you prolly should have told me 8 years ago. Enjoy.

ME: Seriously where is all this coming from? Why are you being such a jerk right now

(looooong pause)

ME: Well if youre going to be condescending to me I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t need this. And for being so forgiving and not angry like you claim to be, honestly I think you were a little out of line

EX: Haha, sorry. I just look out my window every day when I drive home from work, PRAYING I don’t see a 2009 Chevy Malibu. I truly hope it’s worth it.

EX: You’re right. I’m gonna let you be. Sorry. All the best.

...so yeah, what the freaking hell?  I didn't even know it was him at first actually because I'd deleted his number from my phone, but I recognized the number after a minute.  I can't believe he's still being a complete jerk to me after all this time.  I'm kinda shaken up and pissed off and just overall irritated that he's still acting like a complete baby about everything.

I don't even know why I'm posting this to be honest.  I'm going to go to bed tonight and when I wake up tomorrow, I'm not even going to give this a second thought because it's pointless, and if he texts me again I'm going to just ignore it.  The whole thing just caught me off guard.  Ugh... vent over.
panther
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Re: That just happened...

  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    I have to be honest.  If an ex was texting me out of the blue like that I probably would not have responded.

    But isnt it amazing how once you are engaged all the randos come out of the woodwork?

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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yeah... I definitely won't be responding to anything else, if it should happen.

    LOL to randos :)
    panther
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  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    After the long pause, why would you bother to text again?  If he's being a jerk ignore him.  That simple.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    No, you're totally right Shelly - and I shouldn't have even responded to the first message.  He just started out being nice - so I figured I'd be nice back.  After that I was mostly trying to get him to own up to being mean, I guess. 
    panther
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  • npasquale16npasquale16
    1000 Comments
    Exes are exes for a reason, and usually it's because they're jerks :).  That being said, I used to fall into the same situations with the guys I dated (for almost five years) before FI.  I think they have radar that goes off whenever you're happy, like "Time to try to ruin things!"  I'ts like the Bat signal.

    It's also the reason I avoid my ex like the plague.  He's such a dumbass.
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  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:41fd9c39-266f-434f-85af-88823275598c">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah... I definitely won't be responding to anything else, if it should happen. LOL to randos :)
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    I swear the closer the wedding gets, the more I see it.  I have a close guy friend who I have known 10 years text me something implying the other day.  The kid I dated for a few weeks in college(10 years ago) but remained friends with poured his heart out to me in a facebook chat a few weeks ago.  A bouncer at work who was just friendly to me before he knew I was getting married keeps making half serious comments about how he loves me and is going to be my second husband.

    Seriously, WTF is wrong with people. 
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
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    Lol I have no idea.

    A few weeks ago I had a text conversation with a guy I briefly dated in high school who knocked up his girlfriend and she's due in November.  He was asking me all these things about the wedding and then does the whole "Well... tell Ben he's a really lucky guy" thing. 
    panther
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  • npasquale16npasquale16
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:c0be4f10-4946-4fff-aaba-2fd98015d807">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lol I have no idea. A few weeks ago I had a text conversation with a guy I briefly dated in high school who knocked up his girlfriend and she's due in November.  He was asking me all these things about the wedding and then does the whole <strong>"Well... tell Ben he's a really lucky guy" thing. </strong>
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
     
    I hate that.  I feel like saying, and tell your current flavor of the month that she's unlucky and that you're a douche.
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  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
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    Yeah.  The best line was "You were the one that got away".

    Really.  Im pretty sure you were sleeping around with at least 5 chicks at the time.  Who knew I meant so much to you at the time.  Lol.
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    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:57612caa-9659-4766-9bb9-a811ae33dca7">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah.  The best line was <strong>"You were the one that got away"</strong>. Really.  Im pretty sure you were sleeping around with at least 5 chicks at the time.  Who knew I meant so much to you at the time.  Lol.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]


    Haha oh man.  Yeah, that's rich :)
    panther
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  • eastunder1eastunder1
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    I can see how asking "Hows your girlfriend" right out of the gate might have not intended to provoke from your end.   But coming from you - an exgirlfriend - surely you can see how it could appear otherwise to your exboyfriend.  Especially in a text when its hard to convey tone.   Honestly,with it being the second thing you asked, Im not sure how much I believe it was 100% innocent.  Perhaps part innocent probing and part jab?  It seems like thats the thing that "set him off" and well....

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  • eastunder1eastunder1
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    Ever have one of those hungover mornings where not only do you feel like death, but as you eye your phone on the bedside table you start feeling that sinking feeling of horror?  It's all very fuzzy but you are pretty sure you did very stupid things with it the night before and while you aren't sure exactly what has occurred, you have no doubt that you regret them already?  Yeah? That's him, tomorrow.  

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
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  • thesuninherheadthesuninherhead member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:d2d94adf-b574-4608-b27c-aec83cae1fbe">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can see how asking "Hows your girlfriend" right out of the gate might have not intended to provoke from your end.   But coming from you - an exgirlfriend - surely you can see how it could appear otherwise to your exboyfriend.  Especially in a text when its hard to convey tone.   Honestly,with it being the second thing you asked, Im not sure how much I believe it was 100% innocent.  Perhaps part innocent probing and part jab?  It seems like thats the thing that "set him off" and well....
    <p>Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]</p><p>I was thinking the same thing. Even if you <em>had</em> heard that he had a girlfriend, why ask that straight up? Seems to take the conversation in a personal direction that you may want to avoid when randomly receiving texts from your ex. </p>
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  • september's brideseptember's bride member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:20be089e-8692-4845-bb6f-384b88e23468">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: That just happened... : I was thinking the same thing. Even if you  had heard that he had a girlfriend, why ask that straight up? Seems to take the conversation in a personal direction that you may want to avoid when randomly receiving texts from your ex. 
    Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

    I'm late to the party (as usual) but I have to agree with this. If my ex texted me and I decided to converse with him, the absolute last person I would inquire about would be his girfriend. I'd ask about his DAD'S girlfriend whom none of us could ever stand before I asked about his. It just seems like you were baiting him, and judging by the way he went all weird on you, it worked.
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:c0be4f10-4946-4fff-aaba-2fd98015d807">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lol I have no idea. A few weeks ago I had a text conversation with a guy I briefly dated in high school who knocked up his girlfriend and she's due in November.  He was asking me all these things about the wedding and then does the whole <strong>"Well... tell Ben he's a really lucky guy" thing. </strong>
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    My response to that?  "Thanks, I will...but he already knows."

    Everything else I had to say got covered already.

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  • scoettoscoetto member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:917e17e8-c38c-455e-9977-01cea736792d">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ever have one of those hungover mornings where not only do you feel like death, but as you eye your phone on the bedside table you start feeling that sinking feeling of horror?  It's all very fuzzy but you are pretty sure you did very stupid things with it the night before and while you aren't sure exactly what has occurred, you have no doubt that you regret them already?  Yeah? That's him, tomorrow.  
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

    Ha! East!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    10000 Comments
    Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Next time just don't respond, you'll just egg him on. It seems like he's just looking for a reason to pick a fight and make you feel bad, so don't give him one.
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  • MarriedInAFeverMarriedInAFever member
    2500 Comments
    Are you over your ex?
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  • K ByteK Byte member
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    I have nothing to add other than your ex sounds like a douchebag. :)
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  • FutureMrsFraserFutureMrsFraser
    500 Comments

    I'm late to this discussion, but I just wanted to add, yes I agree that as the wedding gets closer the crazies come out. Sounds to me like he's not over you. I had to end up blocking my ex because he kept texting me all this crap about what could have been... and just all this random stuff. He started that once he found out I was engaged.


    His entire about me section on facebook is a wall of text talking about how amazing I am, and how he's been single ever since we broke up over 4 years ago, waiting for me to come back to him, blah blah blah. It's really sad, but I just try to ignore it.

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  • dmiller9274dmiller9274 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:6ed9d327-cae2-42e5-9a5a-96423c427deb">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you over your ex?
    Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

    I was thinking the exact same thing.

    You need to develop the FU attitude.  Once people realize that you won't allow yourself to get drawn into drama....it'll stop coming to you. AATB, you seem like you are very sweet, and have a big heart that wants to believe the best in people BUT a lot of people of are a-holes.  You need to fine tune your drama radar and start running away when the buzzer goes off :)
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  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    Whoa, Fraser.  Talk about Captain Crazy. 

    I went through something like this with the guy I dated before Wes.  I had put on my FB status (or maybe even my AIM away message, it was that long ago) that I was going hiking, and ex texted me "be safe for me, baby."  I didn't respond but I was thinking uh, I will be safe, I'm going with my new bf who isn't a douche.  I kept getting emails, texts, and fb messages sporadically from him.  Finally I sent him a lengthy fb message back and told him that if he had anything else he needed to get out in the open, go ahead and send one more email, but after that, I don't want to received any more communication.  It worked.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:6ed9d327-cae2-42e5-9a5a-96423c427deb">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you over your ex?
    Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

    My thoughts exactly.  I've had Exes call/text/email me and I completely ignore them.  It's pretty obvious why they want to contact me and I don't need the drama, or to feel connected to them in anyway.
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  • FutureMrsFraserFutureMrsFraser
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:3ebe89b9-21d8-4d32-b03f-dd0241b6f75b">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Whoa, Fraser.  Talk about Captain Crazy.</strong>  I went through something like this with the guy I dated before Wes.  I had put on my FB status (or maybe even my AIM away message, it was that long ago) that I was going hiking, and ex texted me "be safe for me, baby."  I didn't respond but I was thinking uh, I will be safe, I'm going with my new bf who isn't a douche.  I kept getting emails, texts, and fb messages sporadically from him.  Finally I sent him a lengthy fb message back and told him that if he had anything else he needed to get out in the open, go ahead and send one more email, but after that, I don't want to received any more communication.  It worked.
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, exactly.

    Luckily since I have blocked him, I haven't heard from him since. The block with verizon is only good for a few months, and whenever it expires, I always get a text from him so I go block it again. It's annoying, but I'm too lazy to change my number.
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    1000 Comments
    Who drives the Malibu? Whether it is you or your fiance', you might want to remain cognizant of your surroundings - it's probably an idle threat but the fact that he knows one of you drives a fairly new car yet you've been broken up for a couple of years now is a little odd to me.

    Should he try to contact you again, especially if he makes similar comments, I would contact the police to try to have a report taken. If anything should happen, you would then have proof that he'd threatened you.

    Probably over-kill and you won't ever need it but with all the crazies out there these days who knows.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Fever - yes, I'm over him.  I was over him way before the relationship was actually over, so moving on rather quickly was no problem.

    I know that asking about his girlfriend (or I guess lack of girlfriend) might have been a bit much - but I know the only reason he asked me how I was doing in the first place is because he knows I'm getting married.

    And - like I've said before, trust me - if he messages me again, he's not getting a reply.  I try to remain friendly with people no matter what and figured since he started out being nice, I could oblige - but obviously he's just not someone who wants to be nice to me, so there's no reason to oblige him again in the future.


    panther
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  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:64d744ca-598b-41c9-b884-fbfeebc3e614">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Who drives the Malibu? Whether it is you or your fiance', you might want to remain cognizant of your surroundings</strong> - it's probably an idle threat but the fact that he knows one of you drives a fairly new car yet you've been broken up for a couple of years now is a little odd to me. Should he try to contact you again, especially if he makes similar comments, I would contact the police to try to have a report taken. If anything should happen, you would then have proof that he'd threatened you. Probably over-kill and you won't ever need it but with all the crazies out there these days who knows.
    Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

    This.  How does your ex know if either you or your fiance drives a newer-than-his-relationship ca (re: you and ex broke up 2 years ago, and the car is 1 year old.

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:ccf10596-55d3-4755-b5b5-2a7b6209a692">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: That just happened... : This.  How does your ex know if either you or your fiance drives a newer-than-his-relationship ca (re: you and ex broke up 2 years ago, and the car is 1 year old.
    Posted by kpwedkk[/QUOTE]


    I got the car last summer after my other car was stolen and totalled - and a few months after this happened, I deleted my ex and his family off of my facebook.  So he knew what I was driving because I'm sure he read somewhere that I told someone what car I got.

    I'm glad he's not on my facebook anymore - one day after I deleted him, I got an angry email from him to the effect of "nice to know I'm not someone you care to keep in touch with anymore."  Um, we never talk, we aren't friends, I didn't want him looking at my facebook all the time which he clearly must have been doing if he noticed one day after I deleted him - and for God's sake, I'm getting married - he doesn't need to be seeing any of this crap.
    panther
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  • katiewhompuskatiewhompus member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I remember when my ex im'd me about 4 months after we were dating (I was notorious for not putting up away messages but leaving my account on)

    "Hey, I was thinking, I want to give us another try"
    "So...no answer?"
    "I get it, you're still mad at me, but I don't know what about....?"
    "You want to actually be an adult and talk about this?"
    "Well fine, fvck you then"

    I came back from work and couldn't help myself from typing
    "Hi, no I don't want to give us another try. For 2 years I have told you what was wrong with our relationship and you chose to ignore it. The fact that you still don't know what was wrong has less to do with our communication issues and more to do with your head shoved so far up your asss that you aren't listening to a word I say. There is nothing to talk about, so please stop. And by the way, speaking of being adult...I've been at work for the last 14 hours, like I have been every day for the last 2 years since you didn't want to get off your asss and get a job. Please don't contact me again."

    Ex's are so bizarre...

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  • AnysunriseAnysunrise member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-happened?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:168b5821-9241-4176-a4b9-fbe408a56dbcPost:0dd85360-ff89-499f-851b-9485d06f3be2">Re: That just happened...</a>:
    [QUOTE] I came back from work and couldn't help myself from typing "Hi, no I don't want to give us another try. For 2 years I have told you what was wrong with our relationship and you chose to ignore it. The fact that you still don't know what was wrong has less to do with our communication issues and more to do with your head shoved so far up your asss that you aren't listening to a word I say. There is nothing to talk about, so please stop. And by the way, speaking of being adult...I've been at work for the last 14 hours, like I have been every day for the last 2 years since you didn't want to get off your asss and get a job. Please don't contact me again." Ex's are so bizarre...
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

    This is awesome.
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