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Snarky Brides

Help with the maid of honor.

I really hate posting on these things because I am never good with what to say. But I am at a loss right now and really need some help.

About a year ago I met and started hanging out with a wife of a co worker at my then boyfriends job. We hit it off good. We liked the same music, Stores ect... Well when the time came around and my boyfriend asked me to marry him I asked her to be in the wedding... (WORST MISTAKE EVER MADE!) As time is passing and getting closer to our date she has become really pushy, demanding and I can't take it anymore. She blind sided me and took me to David's to look at dresses. I said. "Ok I'll look but I am not gonna buy anything till almost time for the wedding" The lady at David's was real nice. She comes up to me and we were chit chatting about wedding stuff the she ask me. "So what type of dresses would you like for your big day." Before I could even get the words out of my mouth miss boss speaks for me, "She doesnt want anything fancy. BRIGHT white, No beads..." Im like Woah!!! Wait a moment.... She asked me. I was so shocked I couldn't even speak.... Before this took place she gets out all these dresses that she wants me to try on. (Ones just like she said she had always dreamed of with bright red things on them so not me) I nicely said no not for me... She has started telling her husband she feels like shes "Left out" Of the wedding planning and for him to say something to my fiance at work.. That really bugs me too because if you have something to say to me please say it to me not thru a 3rd party. She has been facebook stalking everything I post and posting all these things that I "Need" to go to. And saying "You need to try on many dresses even if you think they are ugly." I am very much a if i dont like it on the rack im not gonna like it on myself person... I have told her this over and over. She's making comments about our sofa, The place my fiance used to live, It's gotten really bad. I wanna un ask her to be in our wedding because at this point i dont even wanna be around her. I feel like such a bridezilla when it comes down to this. But she's really pushed my buttons. I am making ribbon roses for our flowers. I had posted last night that I finally decided on a color she said "Let me know if you need help." I replied with "Thanks but I can handle it." and that started her up all over again. What do i do??!?!?!  Ugh!!! (besides clearly delete her from facebook) is it fair for me to un invite someone from being in the wedding? This is my first wedding and I don't know what to do. Embarassed

Re: Help with the maid of honor.

  • You have to think about if you want to end your friendship with her before telling her she can't be in your wedding. Besides that, you just simply stop talking wedding with her, when she mentions something about it tell her it's taken care of and change the subject.
    As for facebook, you can delete her or go to your settings and have it set that she can't see any wedding posts or pictures.

    good luck
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  • Its your wedding honey. Whatever you feel the need to do. Talk to your fiance and see what he says. If I were you I would sit her down and let her know how I feel about all of this, if she has something rude to say, clearly she's not worth it. Good Luck! Best Wishes! :)
  • Removing someone from your wedding party is a big no-no, unless they she is sleeping with your FI. This is a friendship ending move and this is someone who's husband works with your FI. Not a good move.

    Sorry there is no other way to stop the drama aside from doing what Play said. Stop talking about your wedding with her, tell hers its taken care of, and definatly block her on FB. Or better yet stop talking about the wedding on FB, period.
    When she asked if she could help, I think I would have just let it lie and not replied.

    Take someone else with you to look for dresses and dont let her know till after you have bought it. When she tells you, you should do something a certain way, tell her you and your FI have taken care of it then change the subject. Good Luck!
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  • eesh33eesh33 member
    10 Comments
    edited September 2012
    In Response to Re: Help with the maid of honor.:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with the maid of honor. : All of this?  No.  OP's FI still has to work with the woman's BF.  That would be a disaster.  FI would then have stress in his friendship with the co-worker. OP, you can't really do much of anything without coming across really badly.  Smile, nod, thank her for her interest, and suck it up.  Unless you want to end the friendship with your MOH, and FI's with his co-worker.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]
    Not necessarily. Thats why I said TALK to her fiance and see what he thinks.
  • In Response to Re: Help with the maid of honor.:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with the maid of honor. : All of this?  No.  OP's FI still has to work with the woman's BF.  That would be a disaster.  FI would then have stress in his friendship with the co-worker. OP, you can't really do much of anything without coming across really badly.  Smile, nod, thank her for her interest, and suck it up.  Unless you want to end the friendship with your MOH, and FI's with his co-worker.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for showing up Jackie!
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  • In Response to Re:Help with the maid of honor.:[QUOTE]Removing someone from your wedding party is a big nono, unless they she is sleeping with your FI. This is a friendship ending move and this is someone who's husband works with your FI. Not a good move. Sorry there is no other way to stop the drama aside from doing what Play said. Stop talking about your wedding with her, tell hers its taken care of, and definatly block her on FB. Or better yet stop talking about the wedding on FB, period. When she asked if she could help, I think I would have just let it lie and not replied. Take someone else with you to look for dresses and dont let her know till after you have bought it. When she tells you, you should do something a certain way, tell her you and your FI have taken care of it then change the subject. Good Luck! Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

    All if this. Especially the stop talking about the wedding on FB. Unless every single one of your FB friends is invited to the wedding, it's rude.

  • Yes, she is being annoying and controlling, but kicking her out of your wedding is very passive-aggressive action. She is very happy for you and means well; however, she is going about it wrong.

    I have been in similar situations. There were people who had so many ideas for my wedding, and they would get upset if I didn't follow their advice. So, I sat with them and explain that everyone had their opportunities to plan their weddings, and I would like the same. They agreed with me. Instead of dealing with controlling attitudes, I had pleasant times with them helping me. Then, planning my wedding became a fun experience.

    Just talk to her before you make a decision that you regret.
  • Because your MOH is married, she may think she's being helpful by throwing all of these opinions and suggestions at you, especially things that she may have wished she'd thought about or done. Unfortunately for you, she's just not going about it the right way. (Also, her suggestion about trying on dresses even if you don't like them on the hanger is valid and worth considering! Dresses look very different when you put them on.) Definitely sit her down and talk with her before doing anything drastic.
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  • Sweetie, you are about to be married.  If you don't learn how to communicate your feelings effectively with an annoying friend, God help you when you and your beloved are knee-deep in the crap of life!  Say what you mean, but don't say it mean.  Most people appreciate being dealt with in a kind, honest manner. Clearly she already senses that something isn't quite right if she feels she's being left out, but if you aren't being direct with her, she's left to assume that perhaps she needs to be more helpful.  Communication...it's what separates us from monkeys and men.

  • Yup - you're gonna have to be honest.  Tell her that you feel like she's being pushy.  Tell her you want her help, but you'll make your own decisions.  You're open to suggestions but she cant be offended if you don't take the suggestions - bc it's your wedding.

    If someone were that pushy and obnoxious with me, I would tell her.  As previously stated, don't be mean about it, but be honest.  Don't beat around the bush and "hope she gets it".  Tell her that you value her friendship, but shoot straight, for goodness sakes.

    If she's not adult enough to handle it, then frankly, your FI should understand.  Guys don't get all fussed about this crap.  It's fine if he still works with her husband.  If she's going to be a child, it's not worth it.
  • I almost wish I had your problem. One of the most important people to me pushes me to talk about my wedding on one occassion makes plans then constantly bails. If she had taken me to look at dresses I would have been excited just to know she was excited for me. 

    Talk to her calmly but directly. I am thinking it would be a good idea to blunt on the most important things that are bothering you so its not sugar coated and she shrugs it off.

    It may hurt for a while but a little time to think things over may help her. It helped me. 

    As for the dress on the hanger looking horrible? My dress consultant told me a story of a bride who came in with her bridal party and mother and they all kept saying how ugly this one dress was and how it was hideous and who would ever wear it. Her mother and her friends talked her into trying it on just for giggles. So she did...

    She bought the dress. She absolutely loved it on her. So with that in mine I  tried a dress I had seen and wasn't sure about and its the one. Hangers do nothing for dresses. 

    My friend tried on a dress we thought looked great on a mannequin and it made her look like a Christmas tree.
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