Is it ok to not invite Sister In law

Midgetth

My fiance's sister in law is a major b*tch. She makes enemies not friends. I've even had people tell me if she was invited to the wedding they will not be coming. My fiance' & I do NOT want here there but is that okay?? See I have a heart condition & lots of issues to go with it. She constantly rudly makes fun of me & my disabilites. A few weeks ago she let my puppy outside & left her in the middle of the road. She almost got hit! And every tim I see her she just gets nastier & nastier towards me. On Christmas I tried being nice to her & she handed me a peace of paper on woman who can not have children. I went down stairs & started balling my eyes out. Her husband (my fiance's brother) has even told me not to invite because she told him she plans on wearing white & standing up during the ceremony (She needs to be center of attention always even thoug it is always negative attention).Even though my Future Mother In Law can not stand her either she says I still have to invite her. But do I really have to? Would you??

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ok-not-invite-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:25e5196e-07c2-4a64-ac56-af4fe58e563bPost:d8d6b34e-1a28-4f65-8e0c-06bb5d0374eb">Is it ok to not invite Sister In law</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's sister in law is a major b*tch. She makes enemies not friends. I've even had people tell me if she was invited to the wedding they will not be coming. My fiance' & I do NOT want here there but is that okay?? See I have a heart condition & lots of issues to go with it. She constantly rudly makes fun of me & my disabilites. A few weeks ago she let my puppy outside & left her in the middle of the road. She almost got hit! And every tim I see her she just gets nastier & nastier towards me. On Christmas I tried being nice to her & she handed me a peace of paper on woman who can not have children. I went down stairs & started balling my eyes out. <strong>Her husband (my fiance's brother) has even told me not to invite </strong>because she told him she plans on wearing white & standing up during the ceremony (She needs to be center of attention always even thoug it is always negative attention).Even though my Future Mother In Law can not stand her either she says I still have to invite her. But do I really have to? Would you??
Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]

Poor guy, it sounds like he has no control or say in his relationship. 

Yes, you need to invite her if you're inviting FBIL.  But he doesn't need to bring her if he thinks she's going to go nuts.

Sorry she sucks.

rjones19

me personally i wouldn't care if she was a soon to be in law. if u don't like her don't invite her!!!

jendoc

I'm sorry.  etiquette schmetiquette.  anyone who regular wishes me ill and makes fun of me is NOT invited to MY wedding.  I say ditch her. 

CynikettE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ok-not-invite-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:25e5196e-07c2-4a64-ac56-af4fe58e563bPost:3fb787e3-c62b-40da-8341-552f81e37104">Re: Is it ok to not invite Sister In law</a>:
[QUOTE]My FBIL is not happily married. They only married because he got her pregnant. The both cheat on each other &live basically seperate lifes but yet live together & are married to each other. My plan was that if say she did show up I was going to have the groomsmen escort her out immediatley. I feel in  a way I have to let her be there but I really don't want her to be there nor does my finace'. I have tried over & over again to give her the benfit of the doubt & quite often bite my lips. <strong>Sometimes it's very tough especially when she tells me she hopes my pacemaker stops working. </strong>I just don't want any drama at my wedding. I am very happy & very suprised I am even alive to see my wedding day. I want the day to just be about me and my husband to be with no drama or incidents and I am very much afraid that wont happen is she comes.
Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]

Wow, do NOT invite her and don't feel bad! Death threats beat out etiquette.  Warn your biggest groomsmen to be on alert to escort her as quietly as possible before the ceremony. Actually, warn the venue (if possible) not to let her in if she tries to enter during the ceremony. She sounds dramatic enough to try to walk down the aisle right in front of you.

Becky&Chris

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ok-not-invite-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:25e5196e-07c2-4a64-ac56-af4fe58e563bPost:9176c9ea-f0fd-417e-8853-8b29593a4806">Re: Is it ok to not invite Sister In law</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry.  etiquette schmetiquette.  anyone who regular wishes me ill and makes fun of me is NOT invited to MY wedding.  I say ditch her. 
Posted by jendoc[/QUOTE]

This.

I think in 99.9% of situations you have to invite In-Laws and FILs, but someone who makes fun of my illnesses and threatens to stand up in the middle of my ceremony (and do what? speak against the marriage I'm guessing?) does not get invited. I say the only way you invite her is if you are extremely confident in someone (FMIL or FBIL or whoever) being able to keep her under control.

Lenore2010

Agreed. No need to enable vicious and crazy. Emily Post can kiss my butt, no way would this loon get invited to my wedding.

anne.azano

Wow, that's so sad that she treats you like that.  It sounds like she should be committed.  What a psycho! 

baystateapple

Invite FBIL, but let him know that his bitch of a wife is NOT invited.  If you want, have your FI tell him that.  Although it sounds like he's (FBIL) already of the mind not to bring her.

What a terrible person.  I'm so sorry she's doing that to you.

kkropp

I wouldn't invite her.... She seems like a real nut case to me!!! Anyone who treats you that horribly should not be invited!! 

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ok-not-invite-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:25e5196e-07c2-4a64-ac56-af4fe58e563bPost:3fb787e3-c62b-40da-8341-552f81e37104">Re: Is it ok to not invite Sister In law</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel in  a way I have to let her be there but I really don't want her to be there nor does my finace'. I have tried over & over again to give her the benfit of the doubt & quite often bite my lips.<u><strong> Sometimes it's very tough especially when she tells me she hopes my pacemaker stops working.</strong></u> I just don't want any drama at my wedding. I am very happy & very suprised I am even alive to see my wedding day. I want the day to just be about me and my husband to be with no drama or incidents and I am very much afraid that wont happen is she comes.
Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]

Omg! Normally I say she's family you sort of have to invite her. but this is NOT OK behavior. She is wishing harm to you. I say this is NOT someone who should be NEAR your wedding. I would even go so far as to ask your venue to ensure she is not allowed entrance. She frankly sounds disturbed and mildly dangerous. I think this is one of those rare situations where etiquette DOES NOT apply.

Good luck hunni. You don't need that stress on your mind or body.

NickDanielleB

Rather than send the invite to their house send it somewhere else where you FBIL will get it. Address it to him and make sure you talk to him ahead of time on why you are doing it. If its a marriage of convenience - he should understand. Be honest to you FBIL about why you would rather not have her there. Honesty will get you a long way.

spinner84

If your other guests won't go if she shows up, I wouldn't invite her.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If her own husband is telling you not to invite her, don't invite her.

Amy_Justin

Don't invite her. I'd send FBIL's invitation to someone else, i.e. FBIL c/o FMIL.

swim1011

Normally, I would say you have to invite her, because she is family.  But she ridicules you, wishes your pacemaker would stop (passive aggressive way of saying she hopes you die!), and has already made it known she will make a scene at the wedding.  On top of it, her HUSBAND told you not to invite her.  I think these are all very serious reasons for not inviting her, family or not. 

If your fBIL is really as separate from her as you say, it shouldn't be difficult to have him make it without her.  Ask him if you can send the invite to his work or something, and have him leave it there so she won't know the exact details.  Also ask the rest of your immediate family to stay mum, if they can.  Obviously, she knows you're getting married, but if you can avoid having her there at all, it sounds like it would be for the best.  Ask someone who knows her on sight to keep an eye out at the ceremony and reception.

[Deleted User]

How can you invite her hubby and not her? She is your sister-in-law after the wedding. I wouldn't do it. I would just have FI talk to her about your expectations for your wedding and if she can't keep her mouth shut or whatever the case may be, you don't need her there. Sometimes you just have to be upfront and to the point with people to get the point across.

ej.rebholz

She sounds so incredibly unstable. It's your wedding day, you should enjoy it not spend it fretting about what kid of crazy stuff this freak-show of a FSIL is going to pull, I say don't invite her! Best of luck dearie!

westfallwed25

No way!! DO NOT INVITE HER!! Think about it... since she is part of the family for now (doesn't sound like her and your FBIL will be together forever) she will be in all of your family pictures. Do you really want to see her face in all of your pictures for the rest of your lives when she won't even be around in 5+ years?!?!?! I don't think for a second you should feel bad about it. I know you mentioned that your FMIL thinks you should invite her, but just remember, its YOUR day and absolutely no one else's! ! Good luck to you!

riverjib

Are you making this up? Does this woman also walk around telling kids about Santa and knocking walkers out of the arms of the elderly?

banana468

Normally I'd say you have to invite her because it could cause more drama.

BUT, based on what you said, she has no redeeming qualities and is only threatening to make life worse.  So in this instance, even I'll say that you should go against etiquette here and not invite her.

Midgetth

No I'm not making this up. She is just a horrible person. In a way to punish her oldest child who is 3, she locked him in the basement she out the light & stomped on the floor & toldhim it was the boogy man. And yes I have called Social Services but they have not tkae the kids away as they should

ashleynadam2005

Aww I feel for you! My Ex-SIL was like this! Thank God my FBIL divorced her. FBIL hates me but I say f*ck him! He has been warned to keep his mouth shut or he will be removed! Have some of your friends play bouncers and bounce her out of there!

mizri

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ok-not-invite-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:25e5196e-07c2-4a64-ac56-af4fe58e563bPost:459eff64-41b8-419c-ab15-cac0246238e0">Re: Is it ok to not invite Sister In law</a>:
[QUOTE]No I'm not making this up. She is just a horrible person. In a way to punish her oldest child who is 3, she locked him in the basement she out the light & stomped on the floor & toldhim it was the boogy man. And yes I have called Social Services but they have not tkae the kids away as they should
Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]

<div>That's horrible!!!  I have 2 kids (age 5 and 3) and their father used to piss me off whenever he would put our daughter to bed by turning off her light and locking the door so she would just scream herself to sleep.  This is also the man that fell asleep watching her while she was sick and the UPS man found her wandering toward the busy street with her blankie.  (I was at work when this happened)  The apartment manager called me at work to tell me that my daughter was in her office.  Some people don't deserve to have their children.  Don't invite her.  I like the idea of giving FBIL a fake invite.</div>