Question - Sticky situation

JenGin74

Tim and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year. We're planning on about 20 people for dinner. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and we both love hosting dinner parties, so we're pretty excited.

And here's the sticky situation:  Tim's piece of shiiit uncle who's been MIA for 15-20 years recently moved in with Tim's grandparents. He's basically squeezing them for everything they have left. He's rude, combative, and just a general all around asshole. I could go into specifics, but hopefully you get the idea.

We don't want him anywhere near our house for Thanksgiving (or any other day for that matter). We don't even want him to know where we live. Tim, his parents, and his sister and her family can't stand him either, but eveyone makes nice for the sake of Tim's grandparents. They feel it's their duty to take care of their asshole freeloading 56 year old son.

I didn't mean for this to get this long. Basically, how can we get Tim's grandparents over for Thanksgiving without this douchelord tagging along (he has a very annoying habit of showing up to places uninvited)?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:f1b90c5d-76c5-4dfe-b0dc-62290314bd57">Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Tim and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year. We're planning on about 20 people for dinner. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and we both love hosting dinner parties, so we're pretty excited. And here's the sticky situation:  Tim's piece of shiiit uncle who's been MIA for 15-20 years recently moved in with Tim's grandparents. He's basically squeezing them for everything they have left. He's rude, combative, and just a general all around asshole. I could go into specifics, but hopefully you get the idea. We don't want him anywhere near our house for Thanksgiving (or any other day for that matter). We don't even want him to know where we live. Tim, his parents, and his sister and her family can't stand him either, but eveyone makes nice for the sake of Tim's grandparents. They feel it's their duty to take care of their asshole freeloading 56 year old son. I didn't mean for this to get this long. Basically, how can we get Tim's grandparents over for Thanksgiving without this douchelord tagging along (<strong>he has a very annoying habit of showing up to places uninvited)?</strong>
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]
I have no idea because even if you don't invite him, it sounds like he'll show up anyway.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:c808b0d3-d461-4b2d-b55f-f99ec391de4d">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Question - Sticky situation : I have no idea because even if you don't invite him, it sounds like he'll show up anyway.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

As of right now, he doesn't know where we live, so I have a small glimmer of hope.

Blueyed228

Could you maybe act like you are going out somewhere, pick them up, and bring them to your house as a surprise?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:575490b4-e8d2-4186-a92c-f95507d6d7b9">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question - Sticky situation : As of right now, he doesn't know where we live, so I have a small glimmer of hope.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]
You think it'll stay a secret until Thanksgiving? Won't he ask where the grandparents are going that day and just hop in the car with them?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I'll be real.  This is one situation I wouldn't blame you for being a total asshole in.  Just nut up and say "Gram, Gramps, I know you love him, but pieceofshit uncle is just not welcome at our house for Thanksgiving, he makes us uncomfortable.  Please come but leave him at home."  The end.

This SUUUUUUCKS.  For real.  My families have been in similar situations but honestly the only way to handle it is to stand your ground asshole or not.  Your grandparents might not come but that's their loss then.

Smash Adams

Drive him somewhere far away and leave him there?  Then go pick up the grandparents and bring them to your house?  

But sincerely... I can't think of a way to do it, because people like that always find a way around obstacles, especially for things like Thanksgiving.  

Bkseller13

I vote for the go pick up your grandparents and bring them to your house.  Leave the guy with a Swanson's Turkey Dinner.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:9a7f4f5b-2513-46df-b29b-449cc212acad">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Could you maybe act like you are going out somewhere, pick them up, and bring them to your house as a surprise?
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

That actually might work.

I'm seriously stressing myself out over this. I have a really short fuse, but I've managed to bite my tongue for the sake of his grandparents.

What I'd really like to do is just call him up and tell him that he will never be welcome at our house, and to stop calling and trying to friend us on FB.  Tim thinks that if I'm honest with him he'll blow it up into some drama where he's the victim.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:797bed3b-569e-430d-8e9c-bc8b26c8ed5c">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll be real.  This is one situation I wouldn't blame you for being a total asshole in.  Just nut up and say "Gram, Gramps, I know you love him, but pieceofshit uncle is just not welcome at our house for Thanksgiving, he makes us uncomfortable.  Please come but leave him at home."  The end. This SUUUUUUCKS.  For real.  My families have been in similar situations but honestly the only way to handle it is to stand your ground asshole or not.  Your grandparents might not come but that's their loss then.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I want to do, but Tim thinks it will cause drama.

When this guy shows up uninvited to Tim's sister's house I actually hide my fucking purse. I don't want him in my house because I don't want him to know what I have and where I keep it.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:bb8d861f-791c-4fc4-b7bb-6d2f4c7aac5f">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question - Sticky situation : This is exactly what I want to do, but Tim thinks it will cause drama. When this guy shows up uninvited to Tim's sister's house I actually hide my fucking purse. I don't want him in my house because I don't want him to know what I have and where I keep it.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]


Oh take it from me.  Of COURSE it will cause drama.  But I think sneaking around with the grandparents could cause drama too.  The end result is the same - uncle isn't there for Thanksgiving, right?

This is YOUR house.  You should never be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home and if that makes you a dramatic shitstirrer, well, give all your apologies to your family.  If they want to let this guy stay in their house and steal their shiiit they are more than welcome to it.  That won't fly at your house and you shouldn't be made to feel like it's not a big deal, kwim?

And the drama blows over.  I promise.  This entire situation is not your fault so stop feeling bad about offending people.  They are the ones who want to bring Uncle Sketch to Thanksgiving.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:c4a7d659-4e39-42c6-9ac9-059cfc710621">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question - Sticky situation : Oh take it from me.  Of COURSE it will cause drama.  But I think sneaking around with the grandparents could cause drama too.  The end result is the same - uncle isn't there for Thanksgiving, right? This is YOUR house.  You should never be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home and if that makes you a dramatic shitstirrer, well, give all your apologies to your family.  If they want to let this guy stay in their house and steal their shiiit they are more than welcome to it.  That won't fly at your house and you shouldn't be made to feel like it's not a big deal, kwim? And the drama blows over.  I promise.  This entire situation is not your fault so stop feeling bad about offending people.  They are the ones who want to bring Uncle Sketch to Thanksgiving.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

Believe me, the only reason I've kept my mouth shut this long is because Tim asked me to.

RailWayWife

I would just try to make it as clear as possible to your grandparents that only THEY are invited, not the douchbag

willywally5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_question-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26d494b3-77d0-4aac-b3d2-f0c1c5fd6bffPost:9a7f4f5b-2513-46df-b29b-449cc212acad">Re: Question - Sticky situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Could you maybe act like you are going out somewhere, pick them up, and bring them to your house as a surprise?
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. Is. Genius. </div><div>
</div><div>I bet it would work for a few times; shoot, you might get a couple Thanksgivings and maybe an Easter or Christmas out of it. </div><div>
</div><div>When it stops working, though, just be an azz and tell G&G that Uncle Jerk-off isn't welcome in your home. You like to keep your place douchebag free. But say it in the nicest possible way. : ) 

</div>

kmmssg

Ok - I'm having a small issue with Tim.  He is not willing to do anything because it will make waves.  This is your home and he needs to at least talk to his parents about this and everyone come up with a plan ( I highly favor, "  Just nut up and say "Gram, Gramps, I know you love him, but pieceofshit uncle is just not welcome at our house for Thanksgiving, he makes us uncomfortable.  Please come but leave him at home."  The end."

Tim needs to get involved here and not just worry about making waves.  You guys would probably be heroes with the rest of the family for breaking the ice.

My DD's FIL would NEVER be welcome in my home and he is married to her MIL.  We have big family deals for the g'kids bday parties but I'm not hosting anything where that man will be in my home.  Think "hide your purse and anything else valuable."  I am not going to put my SIL and DD in a bad spot so I don't volunteer my home for these.  DD hates him with a passion and has good reason to do so.

Knittibell

I agree with PPs, but I think the odds of the grandparents coming if their son can't come is unlikely. If I'm a parent who is blind enough to let a freeloading 50 something move in and suck me dry, I'm probably also going to be hurt and indignant that said "child" is not included in a FAMILY meal.

Just be prepared for the possibility of Thanksgiving without the sleazy uncle- but without the grandparents, as well. What kind of issues might THAT stir up?

Not trying to stress you out more, but it seems like a very real possibility.