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So frustrated

KimmyfaeKimmyfae
First Comment
in Snarky Brides
Things are falling apart and I'm not sure how to fix things. We're fighting all the time and about stupid things. At least they seem stupid after the fact. The thing we are fighting about tonight are his friends. This happens A LOT. His friends dislike me for no reason. I have been nothing but nice to them, and I've tried fixing things so that he doesn't have to listen to them complain about me.
Tonight's fight is incredibly frustrating. He always tells me how much he misses me and wishes he could see me. And instead of making time for me he either plays on his computer or sees his friends. It makes me so beyond frustrated and I'm not sure why. It just feels as if maybe he doesn't miss me as much as he says he does....
Any advice or people in similar situations?
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Re: So frustrated

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    number55number55
    First Comment
    um, who are you? how long have you been together? when is your wedding? do you live together? 
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    It might be time to shut down the computer and carve out some time to spend together. Make an appointment with each other. Make it a priority. If it can't be a priority to both of you, then your relationship will probably not last. Working on things is one thing, but trying to force things is a whole different ballpark. 
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    You should sleep with his BFF.  That will get his attention.  Plus, it will make you popular with his boys.

    Win win if you ask me.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    NebbNebb member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    My husband and I fought a LOT the first year we were together, but I chalk it up to us not knowing how to communicate with eachother very well yet. Sometimes that can take time. It might take a lot of sitting down to hash things out, figuring out what eachothers needs are and how to make eachother happy but it will work out. It just takes a bit of work and a lot of talking. Is it possible his friends are just mad they have "lost" him, it sounds like it if you dont see eachother THAT often, and thats not something you can control - just let that go. If they dont like you, but he does, then just focus on the two of you and make that work as well as you can and the friends will come around.
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    I'm just a girl who is madly in love with a man. We've been engaged for a month and a half and in our entire relationship we never fought like this. We don't want to live together until marriage, and we plan to wed new years eve of 2012
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    number55number55
    First Comment
    okay...so you've never fought like 'this'...what was changed recently that is causing the fighting? Not living together is fine, do you life far away from each other?
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    I agree it's just frustrating because me and his friends got along so well until one of his female friends started creating highschool drama. I just feel like he sees them A LOT and we barely see each other twice a week now....I feel like I'm losing him...
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:30ff4a36-7a67-41aa-90fb-3be895302fc1Post:fdce7dab-4836-4545-a481-eec7a246812e">Re: So frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just a girl who is madly in love with a man. We've been engaged for a month and a half and in our entire relationship we never fought like this. We don't want to live together until marriage, and we plan to wed new years eve of 2012
    Posted by Kimmyfae[/QUOTE]

    Right before the end of the world?  Romantic!

    But it would be better if you were just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    We live within 15 minutes of each other...and I think the biggest thing would have to be his friends being so rude about me to him...
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    jasmineh7777jasmineh7777
    First Comment
    Are there other stressful things going on right now? How are these arguments different?
     I usually find that if I am bitching at H for small stuff, it's because I haven't addressed a bigger issue.
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    haha, yes. That would be a much much better quote.
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    NebbNebb member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Have you communicated your feelings about this to him? Stay calm when you say things like this, in a non-accusatory tone, and tell him how you FEEL and not what you feel he is doing wrong.
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    He probably told his friends you want to exchange your engagement ring.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    The biggest issue I have was about our first fight. We've just been fighting ever since then. Basically he was hadn't been sleeping well for a few nights and he threatened to leave which is funny because I don't see what would cause that. I did nothing wrong that I could thing of.....
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    There's nothing you can do about his friends, but you can express to him how they make you feel. Ditto Nebb about using "I feel" statements instead of "You don't" ones. He needs to step up and tell his friends what the deal is. If he doesn't, then he's not ready for marriage. 
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    number55number55
    First Comment
    What do your friends think of him?

    And, (I know this might seem odd), how old are the two of you? (believe it or not, this will change the advice I give).
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    We got an engagement ring, we had picked the first one out on a whim. We rushed it and didn't get one that either of us really liked. I let him pick out the one we have no.
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Or it could be the fact that you are 18 and his friends think its stupid to get married that young.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
    Report Reply
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    NatesGirl16NatesGirl16
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:30ff4a36-7a67-41aa-90fb-3be895302fc1Post:f5fa882f-400b-4ce9-a390-1afdbe425be8">Re: So frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]The biggest issue I have was about our first fight. We've just been fighting ever since then. Basically he was hadn't been sleeping well for a few nights and he threatened to leave which is funny because I don't see what would cause that. I did nothing wrong that I could thing of.....
    Posted by Kimmyfae[/QUOTE]
    Wait, what?  I feel like there's sooo much more to this story that we're not getting.
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    MandK9MandK9 member
    First Comment
    I totally don't mean this in a bitchy way, but I am getting a very young vibe.  How old are you and your FI?
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    I'm 18....please don't give me crap about the age. I'm weary enough as is. And he is 21. And I've told him how I feel about the situation, but he won't stand up to them. My friends are fine with him when he's not acting like this.....
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    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I didn't like the 4 carat ring I got at first so I made him exchange it for a 10 carat ring.  If I can lift my arm though it's obviously not big enough.  He'll get me a new one every year.
    panther
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    I know I'm ready for it...but I'm starting to think that maybe he is not. And a few of his friends are actually married or engaged themselves...we're all around the same age....
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:30ff4a36-7a67-41aa-90fb-3be895302fc1Post:5cd9a4c1-c78c-445e-9102-ae090ef956ae">Re: So frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 18....please don't give me crap about the age. I'm weary enough as is. And he is 21. And I've told him how I feel about the situation, but he won't stand up to them. My friends are fine with him when he's not acting like this.....
    Posted by Kimmyfae[/QUOTE]

    Im not giving you crap about your age.  Im giving you crap for being whiny.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
    Report Reply
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    KimmyfaeKimmyfae
    First Comment
    The ring we got is a little more expensive but it's no where near a carat...plus it's a sapphire...my birth stone instead of a diamond...=\ the ring is not important though...in my opinion it's what the ring symbolizes that matters...
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    kimheartsscottkimheartsscott member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:30ff4a36-7a67-41aa-90fb-3be895302fc1Post:79713f60-16fd-4f15-a6ab-6a6aabf1046d">Re: So frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: So frustrated : Right before the end of the world?  Romantic!
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    errrm.....
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    emersic9emersic9
    First Comment
    I agree with PPs...sit down and talk.
    November Siggy: Bouquet Inspiration Photobucket www.MyVacationCountdown.com Ticker
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    number55number55
    First Comment
    Well, here is all I can tell you then. 18 is young. 21 for a guy is really young. Maybe he feels suffocated, maybe he feels like you have done something that bothers him. If he has indicated that he wants to leave you likely need to sit down and discuss what his issues are. Honestly, guys need their friends so I wouldn't be trying to split them up, I would be trying to figure out if there is a good reason why they don't like me. 
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    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    When I was 18 I still wasn't wiping my own ass. 
    panther
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    NebbNebb member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Maybe it would be a good idea to sit down and talk about this marriage thing, maybe discuss when and set a time line further down the road than sooner which might make him feel a bit more comfortable. Just sit down and talk.
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