Snarky Brides

I'm a fat cow, just ask my mother in law. (really long)

So.
It was a weekend from hell and the claws came out.  I never imagined that I would be someone with awful mother in law stories, and just last week I was saying what a great relationship we had.  Now it's all gone.

Dan and I buying the house I lived in when I was little from my mom and dad.  It's been vacant for a little under a year (we had tenants but they broke the lease, yadda yadda yadda).  We've been spending nearly every weekend there renovating, painting, making cosmetic and necessary changes to the inside.  Now that the inside is pretty much under control and the weather's improving, we moved to the yard. 

I'm not defending anything about this yard.  The grass was waist-high, there are wanton piles of leaves everywhere that have been sort of composting, it's not pretty.  However, before this past Saturday, we had only been in the yard once to start the clean up and we got chased away by bees so we didn't get much done.  Dan's parents offered to meet us there on Saturday to help us clean up.  When I arrived, there was definitely something going on with his mom.  She's a real hot head and has said some nasty things to and about Dan in the past, but that's how she is and he lets it roll.  I was there for about 10 minutes when she started mumbling under her breath and stormed away.  I heard "don't ever fucking invite me here" before she got into her car.

Whatever.

Dan, his dad and I stayed in the yard for another couple of hours raking leaves and cutting branches down.  Eventually, we finished for the day and Dan went back to his house to talk to his mom and tell her that she was making a lot out of nothing.  Once the yard is cleaned up, it's a matter of maintenance.  No one's lived in the house for so long and it's not a big deal.  She wasn't speaking to him when he got home, so he went into the basement to watch a movie.  Ten minutes in, he hears her screaming.  He went back upstairs to see what was going on and she attacked him.  She called him a "stupid asshole" several times, called me a "fat cow" and said my parents were white trash because of the state of the yard.  She went on ranting and raving for a half hour when Dan snapped and started screaming back at her and it got ugly.  She threw him out (again) and he called me crying.  I met him at our house and we stayed there.  I've seen him cry over something she said before, but this was different.

On Sunday, he went home to shower and they apologized to each other.

I don't think I can ever forgive her, not for making him cry again and not after finding out her true feelings about me, and what she said about my parents.
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Re: I'm a fat cow, just ask my mother in law. (really long)

  • Put her in a home.

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. I would talk to Dan about his mother's behavior and how it makes you feel. If you feel comfortable talking to her directly, I would do that instead. She needs to realize how terrible and hurtful she's being and she needs to know that it's not acceptable. You don't deserve to be treated that way and she needs to adjust accordingly.
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  • Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't understand how people can talk to their kids like that or their significant others. I'm a little confused though about her throwing him out. Do you live with your ILs, or just Dan?

    Regardless, don't take it personally. She sounds like a bitter, mean person with nothing better to do than make people miserable. ANd you have every right to not invite her back. After all, she doesn't want to be there anyway.
  • I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I know about stressful inlaws, and it can be hell to keep your composure. I don't have any actual advice other than to spike her drink with mood stabilizers every time she is around, but good luck handling it.

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  • Sadie, I'm sorry. I didn't read the whole OP (have to go to work in a minute), but it is unacceptable to be called names by your in-laws and that sucks. :(



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  • Is she bipolar? Yikes. I am so sorry! Is it possible for FI to talk to his dad about this? Maybe he can help?! The three of them should sit down and have a discussion. There may be some deeper reason why she is being so hurtful. I would stay as far away from her as possible for awhile. You don't need that negativity and hatefullness around you.

    My BFF's mom used to be very similar...all it took for her to be a calm, communicative human being was getting away from her toxic family, and for BFF to be in a stable, healthy relationship....not that this example means anything, but I understand what you're going thru, and it sucks :(

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  • She sounds like she has mental problems, or at the very least, some anger issues.  I'm really sorry, that's terrible.
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  • What the hell?!  She sounds AWFUL.  What on God's Green Earth would let her think she can speak to people that way?  And she was coming to help you fix up the yard - what did she expect?  A perfectly manicured lawn, and you just needed to break out the mower??  Horrible, I'm so sorry Sadie.
  • Thanks for the support everyone.  I'm so upset, I was in bed crying most of yesterday.  Dan was there too, holding me and telling me he loved me and everything would be ok.

    Seshat, I live with my family and Dan lives with his.  We're saving money and we'll be moving into our house around the end of August/beginning of September and the wedding is in October.  The house isn't fully furnished because we're still painting and putting a new floor in the living room, but the electricity's on and the water's on so we stay there from time to time on our brand new bed that we bought together.

    My FMIL has been really sweet to me for the last four years, but she blows things out of proportion and freaks out once in a while at Dan, and we found out on Saturday night, she screams at his little sister, too.  Up until then we just both figured that his mom held his little sister up as the golden child and Dan was the screw up (even though he bends over backwards to help his mom whenever she needs him). 

    But, he texted his sister to warn her that their mom was in one of her moods, so she would be prepared for it when she got home (she was out with her BF when everything went down.)  His sister and her BF came by our house to see if we were ok and she revealed that she's been screamed at, too.  The most recent time was because she didn't change her shoes before she went out with her girlfriends for dinner.  She got a horrible voice mail from mom telling her how selfish she was (for not changing her shoes).

    I agree that this woman has serious anger problems.  This was the first time her anger was (mis)directed at me personally and I don't see how I'm supposed to look her in the eye ever again. 
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  • At least you'll be living together soon and your FI can avoid having to see his mother every day, or worry about being kicked out for no good reason. It sucks though that his sister will have to bear the brunt of her anger issues.

    Honestly, if DH's mom spoke to me like that I'd tell him that until she apologizes she's not welcome in my house. He'd probably feel the same way. After that, I'd be cordial but definitely wouldn't go out of my way for her. There is no excuse for that or for what she said about your parents. I would be beyond pissed if someone trashed my family.
  • This woman sounds like a complete psycho,and because of it she is probably going to push everyone she cares about out of her life at some point.You are handling yourself with class,and I truly hope this all just blows over for you.

    Oh and next time,I would tell her you are going to bury her in that yard if she ever speaks that way of you or your family again.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-fat-cow-just-ask-mother-law-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:349e929e-82c7-4310-b4c4-a577a16ea5faPost:b3687288-edbe-4fb2-90f1-31042f671a5a">Re: I'm a fat cow, just ask my mother in law. (really long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This woman sounds like a complete psycho,and because of it she is probably going to push everyone she cares about out of her life at some point.You are handling yourself with class,and I truly hope this all just blows over for you. Oh and next time,I would tell her you are going to bury her in that yard if she ever speaks that way of you or your family again.
    Posted by lovetothinkpink[/QUOTE]

    I can't even express how difficult it was for me not to go to Dan's parent's house on Saturday night and just let her have it.  I wasn't upset about what she said about me and my family until yesterday.  I was so focused on the fact that Dan is such a good son and she treats him like garbage sometimes, I wanted to rip her head off.  It's such a hopeless feeling to see him crying and not being able to do anything about it besides rock him in my arms.  I'm going to avoid her (pretty easy to do) for a while and the next time I see her, I'm going to be as cold as ice.  If she mentions anything, I'm going to refer to myself as a "fat cow" and give her the death stare.  Well, probably not, but that's what I'd like to do.  I'm so broken up about this.  I really thought I had a great relationship with her.
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  • Kudos on handling all this so well, considering! You have no reason to cry or feel bad. You and your fiance seem to have things together, and the whole thing from his mom was totally uncalled for, obviously.

    In the future, I say just be polite as you can but don't get too involved with the woman.

    On the other hand, it's awesome that you're fixing up a house and everything! That takes some guts and some responsibility. You should be proud :)

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  • Sadie - you are a truly classy woman.  I can kinda run my mouth sometimes and go off when I get pissed and if my mother-in-law ever treated me or my man that way I seriously would have lost it.  I truly commend you for your demeanor and I hope that things get better for you soon.

    That lady sounds like a real monster.  WTF!?!?!?!  SERIOUSLY!  Next time you're with her maybe you should lace her iced tea with some chill pills.
    panther
  • :0)  I'll have to consider lacing her beverages with something...arsenic?  J/K.
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  • Arsenic... lol!

    Maybe some ex-lax would do the trick.
    panther
  • Or eye drops...

    "Aw, Mom, I'm sorry you're not feeling ok, do you really have to leave so soon?"

    Thinking evil is better than doing evil, right?  I mean can karma bite me in the ass for wanting to give her explosive diarrhea?  Just because I want her to experience digestive pyrotechnics doesn't mean I'd actually induce them, right? 
    :0)
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  • Sadie-That is is terrible what she said to you and your FI.  I could never stand to see FI like that.  Just be strong.  I am sure your house is beautiful BTW!
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  • Thanks Jamie!  It's coming along.  The only painting left to do is the spare bedroom, dining room and kitchen and we have to put the new living room floor in, then the inside is pretty much done and we can completely focus on the yard.  I'm especially proud of the custom painted countertops I did in the kitchen. 


      <~~~  I did this all by myself!!

    We're planning on getting a dumpster so we can get rid of all the junk in the yard (mostly wood from a decorative fence that Dan took an ax to and tree branches).  It's a lot of stuff but once it's done, it'll be done and we won't ever worry about it being in this condition again. 
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  • That countertop is awesome!!! How did you do it?

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  • Thank you!!
    It was originally this horrid pink formica.  We really wanted to redo it, but granite and laminate were both way out of our price range.  I did some research and I found this company called Giani countertop paint.  They sell kits in several different colors and it's basically sponge painting.  The paint is formulated to stick to non-porous surfaces like formica and it looks amazing.  (They also have a kit that simulates stainless steel, which I think is generally for appliances like fridges, you get the look without the cleaning hassle and the price tag) The kit I bought was around $50 bucks and I did all 55 square feet of countertops with it (granite is about $35 per square foot!!)
    I signed up to do it for people through the webiste, I'm trying to make it a side business.  My next project is the island in my parent's kitchen.  They have granite counters, but mom wanted something really eye-catching for the giant island, so I'm going to do it for her in the red/orange color family.  My dad asked me to resurface the tables in his restaurant, which will look really nice and will probably drum up some business for me!

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  • That is so cool!! I'm going to have to look into that for sure :) We have this awful cream countertop...something like that would be just perfect!

    How awesome you're doing it on the side now! Yay for Sadie and her awesome countertop painting abilities :D

    Plus, kudos to you guys for remodling the house yourselves! There is no better fufillment than being able say, "Yeah, I did that!"

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  • edited June 2010
    Thanks harmrose!!!  The website is gianigranite.com or something like that.
    I'm very fortunate that I'm with someone handy with really fantastic DIY abilities.  We would never have been able to afford the things we've already done if we had to hire professionals (plumbers, electricians, floor refinishers, painters, god knows what else).  It really is a great feeling to say "see that? yeah, we did that ourselves"  :)  My dad is a construction engineer and I learned a lot by watching him tinker away at DIY projects since I was little, he actually put a huge addition onto the house Dan and I are buying and he built the entertainment center:

    The room is 16x20 with a really high ceiling  and just for good measure, I sponged the entertainment center:

      We did three walls the light blue and the wall that faces the backyard the darker blue in the sponging.  Our sofa and chaise are really close to the sandy gold color in the sponging.
    I can't wait for the damn floor to go in!  If his mother hadn't decided it was crazytime, we would have done it on Sunday.  Che sara', sara'.  I'll post new pictures when it's done.
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  • Hey, I'm way late to this, but I saw it this morning and couldn't respond:

    With her mood swings, I would venture to say that she's got some sort of emotional/mental disorder.  "Normal" people, or even people that are just plain bitches don't just fly off the handle for no reason and then kiss and make up the next day.  Especially if this is a reoccuring thing, which it sounds like it is. 

    Please don't take it personally.  If she really is sick, then the hurtful things that she says aren't necessarily her "fault."  Now that you've talked to SIL, maybe your DH and his sister can put together a united front and ask her to seek therapy/counseling.      
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  • I love that addition room! big indows and vaulted ceilings... does life get any better?

    Any chance that sponge paint will work on a hideous dark green counter?
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  • Just a quick note -- this does not excuse her awful behavior, but some women go nuts when they go through menopause and have hot flashes/hormonal swings that can really be helped by visiting a doctor. My mom went NUTS during menopause and I'm glad she's mostly out of it now. Depending on her age, this could have something to do with the fact that her outburst s are more frequent and are directed at seemingly everyone in her circle. It may be something for your fiance to bring up with his dad. He can always ask your dad if mom is going through menopause, then maybe the dad can ask her if she wants to talk to her doctor? (he can hide the breakables first!)

  • Sadie - My dad and FI are very handy, too. My dad completely remodeled my parent's house himself....he and my mom were on a first name basis at Home Depot, lol!

    Can't wait to see more pics! How exciting :)

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  • That countertop is beautiful :) Does the paint work on laminate countertop or does it have to be a specific type? We have this god awful creamy white that stains instantly and just does nothing for us. I would much rather spend $50 and paint it all pretty than have to buy all new.

    And that sucks about your mil. She reminds me a lot of my exbf's grandmother who had alzheimers. We lived with her to take care of her for 8 months and she would randomly start screaming about how he's a lazy fucker (he was) and I'm a stupid bitch (I'm not) and that my cat was stealing all of her jewelry (say what?). Finally I told ex's mother that I was done being verbally abused by someone so hateful and that I was done. Mentally ill or not you don't need to put up with it.
    Safe to say, I don't think anyone would be surprised if mil was not invited to your house again.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-fat-cow-just-ask-mother-law-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:349e929e-82c7-4310-b4c4-a577a16ea5faPost:d35d0ecf-4515-4f14-8939-32ea96480f92">Re: I'm a fat cow, just ask my mother in law. (really long)</a>:
    [QUOTE] And that sucks about your mil. She reminds me a lot of my exbf's grandmother who had alzheimers. We lived with her to take care of her for 8 months and she would randomly start screaming about how <strong>he's a lazy fucker</strong> (he was) and I'm a stupid bitch (I'm not) and that <strong>my cat was stealing all of her jewelry</strong> (say what?). Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

    HAHA and LMFAO!!

    I'm sorry, Alzheimer's is a terrible illness, but you made belly laugh with that one. :)

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  • Yeesh.

    The sponge paint will stick to any non-porous surface.  The base paint is thick and black, but the lighter colors go on right over it and look amazing.  The site sells a black kit, one called sicilian sand (which is what I bought), a red, green and blue.  As you paint you have complete control over how light or dark the counter comes out, it's 100% your choice of how much of each color to use and you can change it right up until you put the top coat glaze on it.

    I don't know if she's going through menopause, but from what Dan tells me, she has always freaked out from time to time and became completely irrational.  When we were in high school she pulled all of the drawers out of his dresser and threw them down the hallway. 
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  • Anger management anybody? She seems really immature and bitter. I don't know what her problem is, but that behavior is not normal at all. I am sorry this happened to you and Dan. Let her cool off; maybe she'll apologize in the near future.

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