mom adding to guest list...

kdlopez1631

My venue holds 200 MAX (its a small mansion built in the 1900's)
My guest list in currently 150 which is a very comfortable number for this venue
My mom is insisting I invite her aunts and cousins ((people who I dont know)) and its like 40 people! She and my father (divorced) are paying for the venue/food.
My FI cut back on his numbers to help with budget. If I invite all these people not only will seating be uncomfortable, the price will go up quite a bit for the extra dinner, cocktails, and apps.
I tried to explain this is not what we want, its not fair to my dad who will have almost none of his family there (he lives in texas, we live in indy)to spike up his total cost, yet she refuses to pay the extra for the people SHE wants there.
I know, money=strings. How do I defuse this situation?

ricksang

If they are paying, you really can't defuse the situation.

JenGin74

Your mom and dad should duke it out over who pays for what since they're the one's paying.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

If your list is 150, and your venue holds 200, and your mom wants 40 more people, that equals 190, correct?  I was a journalism major but I'm pretty sure simple math proves there is room for these people.

Plus she's paying, so.  There's that.

ETA - Okay, I just realized that I skipped the part where she refuses to pay for extra people.  You gotta just tell her that since she wants these people there, and that there is room for them, that's fine - only if she's going to pay.

LedZeppelin

Haha. Wow, your situation sounds exactly like mine, except that our venue will only hold 100 people.

If she's paying, though, she gets to invite who she wants (excluding any extenuating circumstances). In my case, though, I just had to remind my mom that the venue simply would not hold that many people and it's not me determining that, it's the fire marshall.

But if your venue holds 200 and you're at 150, you've got some room to add. If your dad has an issue with it, he should be the one talking to your mom about it.

jennylove810

Find a gentle way to tell her what the cost for those extra 40 people will be, and that it won't be your dad's responsibility to pay for it.

ehathewa

I know you are supposed to plan that all 190 guest will show up... but they probably won't.  How will the venue feel with 170 or 180? 

JennaV26

Since she's paying you're almost required to add her guests, especially since it's under your capacity, and then you'll just need to let her and your dad dish it out over who's paying. It's frustrating but that's the price of someone else paying for your wedding.

My mom practically had more friends at my wedding than I did because my parents were paying for it, but they were all on the dance floor shaking it and it ended up being  a ton of fun!

gottahavashorti

"Mom, this is the guest list/budget that you and dad had agreed upon previously.  40 more guests do not fit into that budget and we are not able to cut the guest list enough to accommodate them within the budget. 

"I'm also concerned about whether our guests will feel crammed in if we are so close to the venu capacity.  I'm sorry, but if you want to invite additional guests you will need to either pay for them or cut your previous list to accommodate them."

Also warn your dad if you think she may contact him to tell him to pay for these guests.

kdlopez1631

thanks for all of the great advice, it came down to it and I have decided to invite them. I need to pick and choose my battles... and in the end, is this what I want waste my sanity on? I still thinks its ridiculous