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hypothetical question

Lets say you started working on the side from your day job, and you were sometimes bringing in an extra couple hundred dollars a month.

Would you assume that that money was YOURS and only yours and your husband/FI shouldnt have any access to it?

Re: hypothetical question

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    I think we would decide as a couple that I can use the money how I choose.
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    I would be shocked if either he or I assumed that money was ONLY one of ours. We share everything. However, if he was the one who brought it in he would probably have more say on how to spend it and I wouldn't care and vice versa.

    Although, I actually can't think of something he would want to keep the money for that I wouldn't want him to keep the money for.
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    It would depend on the circumstances of your financial agreement.  If you were fully combined, then no, unless you worked out a specific agreement for this side job (which it would appear this person has not, as you said "assume").

    If you did something like FI and I plan to do, where you both contribute a set amount from each paycheck and anything beyond that is yours, well, then as long as this person is making their set contribution, then sure.  But I think if I were bringing in more money, FI would hope (and I would agree) that I would add a little more to the combined account.

    But no, I would never just assume that.

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    This is a tough question and I think it depends on a lot of things.  How are you guys doing financially?  If you are comfortable paying your bills, have a good savings, etc, then yes I guess I'd say that is your fun money that you earned. However, if you guys need the extra money for any reason, I think it is fair for your husband to ask you to contribute it.
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
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    edited October 2010
    I totally thought this was going the direction of "would you report this income for tax purposes...?"

    But, having been in this situation, I was in charge of the money I brought in but I was quite generous with it.  My fiance usually pays for nights out while I pay for weekly necessities.  With the extra money, I paid for a few nights out and bought things we needed.  I also will unapologetically say I used some of the money to buy clothes, shoes, etc... whatever I wanted at the time because I considered it mine.  But, at least 50% went to "us."

    EDIT: My fiance and I don't have combined finances.
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    finances as it stands now: everything is combined 100% and all bills and debt repayment are paid out of the pot. There is no "yours/mine", just "ours".

    Also, someone in the relationship just got a raise that would bring in a solid extra couple hundred a month (not a sometimes extra hundred) and it was just assumed that it would go into the "ours" pot.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hypothetical-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3979efac-06fd-4eca-8a97-d0f9d41c6283Post:95e6b7b0-7777-485f-8d0d-12971c778365">Re: hypothetical question</a>:
    [QUOTE]finances as it stands now: everything is combined 100% and all bills and debt repayment are paid out of the pot. There is no "yours/mine", just "ours". Also, someone in the relationship just got a raise that would bring in a solid extra couple hundred a month (not a sometimes extra hundred) and it was just assumed that it would go into the "ours" pot.
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    Well, if everything is 100% combined, then I would assume the extra money went into the combined pot, yes.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hypothetical-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3979efac-06fd-4eca-8a97-d0f9d41c6283Post:8385ccd8-4c69-4c42-bc78-d34961551279">Re: hypothetical question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: hypothetical question : Well, if everything is 100% combined, then I would assume the extra money went into the combined pot, yes.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yup.
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    Yes, I would assume that all work was for the common good, if that's the way it was in the past. 
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    Probably not. Unless I was dealing drugs on the side or something, lol. FI's the financially responsible one of us anyways, I wouldn't be worried about him spending it frivolously, and I can't imagine any other reason to have money that's mine and mine alone.
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    Yeah. If everything is otherwise combined, I'm not sure why this wouldn't be.
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    I actually do make separate money on the side from cookies and stuff. That money is technically, mine, but so is my salary. We don't have a joint account. However, I consider all money I make available to my husband. If he needed it, he could have it.
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    Secondary question: now when this extra sometimes money arrived, would you feel it was being "wasted" if half of it was requested from your spouse for the purpose of paying debt, and the rest could be spent however.
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    The only reason I could see not combining is if you were saving up for something to surprise the other one.

    Otherwise, yes, its' all shared.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hypothetical-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3979efac-06fd-4eca-8a97-d0f9d41c6283Post:776d8a08-307b-48ca-997e-98eb00f973a7">Re: hypothetical question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Secondary question: now when this extra sometimes money arrived, would you feel it was being "wasted" if half of it was requested from your spouse for the purpose of paying debt, and the rest could be spent however.
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    Nope. That debt would be paid somehow, and if it's 100% combined, it'd be coming out of your money anyways.
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    Ok well its nice to know im not crazy then.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hypothetical-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3979efac-06fd-4eca-8a97-d0f9d41c6283Post:776d8a08-307b-48ca-997e-98eb00f973a7">Re: hypothetical question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Secondary question: now when this extra sometimes money arrived, would you feel it was being "wasted" if half of it was requested from your spouse for the purpose of paying debt, and the rest could be spent however.
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    <div>No. When I get raises (rarely), I always put half either in savings or to pay off debt. I think that extra should go to pay off debt and then once the debt is gone you can have fun. But that's how I think about all money, not just extra</div>
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    Hmm, I think it depends. H and I have separate accounts due to our businesses, but we consider it all "our" money and use it mutually for bills and expenses and whatnot.

    However, I make extra money on the side from my books. I don't consider this our money, as what I make goes back into my books for marketing, promos, etc. The same way that I don't have a say in how he spends his business money for equipment, truck repairs, his workers, and so on. If we were spending frivolously on things we don't need, then I'd be pissed. But as long as we get the bills paid and are willing/able to help each other out, then as far as we're concerned our accounts are separate.

    But, it definitely makes sense to use extra money for debt. I wouldn't be upset at all if H asked for extra cash to pay a credit card, and he'd have no problem handing over a few bucks if I neede dhelp with something.
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    I say pay off all your debt and then put the money towards fun stuff the both of you can do together like vacations etc.

    If I was making the money, I would discuss what we need it for with him.  I would offer it to go into the communal pot, but knowing FI and our financial situation, he would just tell me to keep it and buy myself a new purse or something.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hypothetical-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3979efac-06fd-4eca-8a97-d0f9d41c6283Post:c3d27681-87ee-4497-89ed-a6e34bfba18c">Re: hypothetical question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be shocked if either he or I assumed that money was ONLY one of ours. We share everything. However, if he was the one who brought it in he would probably have more say on how to spend it and I wouldn't care and vice versa. Although, I actually can't think of something he would want to keep the money for that I wouldn't want him to keep the money for.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]
    <p> </p><p>Basically this. Our finances are shared and we have equal amounts of money which is deposited into our personal accounts for random spending. There's been times when he's been earning more than I have been, and times when I was earning more than him- now we're on about the same amount, although I work a day less a week than he does. In all of these cases, we've always allocated the same amount of 'play' money to each of us regardless of the $'s being brought in individually. I do remember telling him that I thought he should have more 'play' money because he was working more than I, but he didn't feel that way at all- as on my days off, I was doing the house/shopping stuff that we'd normally have to do as a couple, so he didn't see what I was doing as any less 'work', even if it was unpaid. </p>
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    edited October 2010

    Re paying off the debts: When I got a large amount of backpay earlier this year, the first thing it was allocated to was debts (mortgage, mostly). There was no question of doing anything else with it in either of our minds. I'd much rather be debt free and buy luxury items guilt-free than carry debt and pay interest for longer just to have those things a little sooner, you know?

     

    Who has the extra job, if you don't mind me asking?

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    He does. We got in a BIG fight this morning because he got paid for some colouring work he did and didnt end up "getting" any of the money because I "wasted" it (bought him medication because he was sick, bought gas because I wouldnt have been able to get to work the next day, and we bought dinner together. This turned into him railing on me for "wasting" his two past comic payments as well and him not getting to spend it. He feels that its HIS money because he earned it through his art and he should get to keep it. I am the one who has gotten a raise = a couple hundred a month, but somehow thats not at all the same thing in his eyes.

    He is not overly concerned with our debt, I handle the finances and I am the one who allocates what gets paid when - he was shocked a few months ago when he found out that we had paid down our debt ratio by 20% without our income having gone up or anything, but with all of my stingyness causing it. Comics, electronics, and dvds are his priority when we have extra money, not debt repayment.
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    After some thought I do think it might be a good idea to throw some money over into a "fun" fund, so that if he wants a dvd the money is there and it doesnt take away from anything else. I probably HAVE been depriving him from things he wants regularly because they arent "needs" and thats why he wants to use "his" money for that stuff. I dont think the way he has approached it is justified, but I can see my own fault in the matter.
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    Yes the money is both of yours. Just because he earned it doesn't make it any less yours. That mode of thinking gets you no where fast. However, since it is your money & his money you both need to decide how to allocate it. For ex. DH makes an extra 1k one month -- we'd say 25% goes towards debt, 25% goes towards savings, 25% goes towards monthly expenses & 25% towards fun. DH is out of work so we only have my income -- he rarely buys a game, etc. so when he mentions it I don't put up a fight. He has also been selling old video games, etc. on amazon to buy a new game -- you can also trade in games on amazon too. 
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    I think it would work to make a fun money fund. I think H feels that way a few times with his bonus as well. The last one went straight into paying off his car and the next one will probably go straight to savings. It's just hard for me to justify spending money on fun stuff when we still have debt that needs to go away.
    And yeah, he was the same way with money and debt. He makes most of our income but I'm in charge of what happens with it. The other day he asked how bad his credit card bill, couch bill, and car bill were. I paid those off months ago (and told him) and he just forgot. He was absolutely amazed that I paid them off so quickly, while I've been beating myself up for taking so freaking long (3 years for CC, a couple months for the others).

    That being said, I'm going to pick up some extra hours and work and he told me to take the money and only spend it on me. He also knows that I never buy things for myself unless he tells me too (again, debt comes first in my mind).
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    It would be mine and mine alone, unless H needed it for something, like an emergency or a big unplanned expense,  or we needed it for a household expense.
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