Facebook/email is not the phone!

future.mrs.roy

Needed to vent...

Our wedding is this weekend.  On Sunday, my FH received an email from a friend of his - something family related came up (in a week?) and he won't be coming after all.  I thought it was a little rude, but, whatever.

The next day, my friend sent me a Facebook message to say she and her husband were also not coming now, for financial reasons. She got married last summer (and we attended her wedding), so I know she knows how I must be feeling.  Seriously? Facebook?  She said she'd tried to call multiple times - no missed calls on my end, so she must have just looked at the phone.  I waited a day, cooled off a bit, and said I understood but wished she would have called.

Today, my AUNT sent me a Facebook message, saying my teenage cousin couldn't get off from work and isn't coming either.  The same cousin who REFUSED to come unless he could  bring his girlfriend, who I begrudgingly invited, RSVP'd that she was coming, and then they broke up.

Is this normal?  I thought maybe one or two people would have an emergency and not make it, but I'm getting a "message" a day.  Isn't rude to not call someone who has spent a lot of money for you to attend their wedding when you're not coming at the last minute?

Our budget was tight, and our guest list was as well.  There were a lot of friends my FH and I wanted to invite, but couldn't.  These people, who have shown much more enthusiasm about our wedding than the people who have suddenly declined, will be sitting at home while we have half empty tables.

Any ideas as to how I can not stress about this, or get it out of my system? I'm just feeling....GRR!

J&K10910

WOuld you prefer they didn't let you know at all?

J&K10910

(However, I do get that having last minute declines when you thought they were coming is incredibly frustrating and annoying, especially when your budget and guestlist are tight.  And I'm sorry that's happening.)

ehathewa

I'm with you.  Texting, Facebooking, Emailing, etc are not replacements for a phone call or a face-to-face conversation.  We're all turning into robots!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebookemail-not-phone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3b5e0f19-b11e-4eb4-b3e5-08edd1860c2aPost:56dceb0f-ebfe-4674-948a-4af14575c01a">Re: Facebook/email is not the phone!</a>:
[QUOTE]WOuld you prefer they didn't let you know at all?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I'm with J&K on this one. Yes, it sucks to have last minute declines, but getting yourself all worked up over the way in which they notify you is just a gigantic waste of energy.

MarriedInAFever

Sorry this is happening. Last minute cancels do suck. But I don't think it would suck much less if they called you instead.

Celles

Facebook wall post?  No.

Facebook message?  Sure, why not.  Email in all its iterations is a perfectly valid form of communication.

And ditto J&K's parenthetical aside.

SarahPLiz

I hate talking on the phone. I detest calling people. I would much rather someone email me so I can keep track of who said what because I am forgetful. 

At least they communicated with you. I'm sure at some point in history someone was appalled by phone RSVPs, as mail was the only proper way to do it. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

At least they're letting you know that they're not coming.  Would you prefer that you never heard anything at all?

I dunno, I don't really fault people for sending emails or facebook messages.  There are many ways to reach people, and if you have email, facebook, and a phone, you can trust that people will choose what method they like best to contact you.  If I didn't want people to notify things to me via facebook, and I mean this: I'd delete my facebook.  That way they'd have to call me.  Besides, some people just don't like calling. 

Have a glass of wine with dinner tonight.  Instead of worrying about who can't attend your wedding and how they choose to notify you as such - concentrate on getting your last minute details figured out.  Your wedding is in a couple days!  That's exciting!

eastunder1

Like it or not, email is considered a valid form of communication nowdays.  The facebook messaging is a little iffy because a lot of people dont use it daily.  But regular email?  I consider that fine. 

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebookemail-not-phone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3b5e0f19-b11e-4eb4-b3e5-08edd1860c2aPost:56dceb0f-ebfe-4674-948a-4af14575c01a">Re: Facebook/email is not the phone!</a>:
[QUOTE]WOuld you prefer they didn't let you know at all?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Yeah this. I consider FB messages to be almost exactly the same thing as emails. They get sent to places where I have to log in on the internet. It's just really not that important to me how people communicate with me, so long as they do it. Unless it's to tell me one of my friends or family members has died. That requires a phone call.

future.mrs.roy

Thanks, everyone for the quick feedback.  It does put things in perspective that it's better to have the heads up than not know at all, and that technology is just a part of life.  I think when it comes to weddings, I think of the ettiquette side of things, and that's where I thought a phone call was appropriate. 

No sense in stressing just for the sake of stressing! but the glass of wine is an excellent idea!

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebookemail-not-phone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3b5e0f19-b11e-4eb4-b3e5-08edd1860c2aPost:2839935e-88b7-45d7-a07c-1677d92809e6">Re: Facebook/email is not the phone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, everyone for the quick feedback.  It does put things in perspective that it's better to have the heads up than not know at all, and that technology is just a part of life.  I think when it comes to weddings, I think of the ettiquette side of things, and that's where I thought a phone call was appropriate.  No sense in stressing just for the sake of stressing! but the glass of wine is an excellent idea!
Posted by future.mrs.roy[/QUOTE]

Good attitude.  Now, go have that glass of wine, and enjoy your wedding this weekend, with the people who were awesome enough to RSVP "yes" AND come ;)

natalienoelle27

It totally sucks and I'd be frustrated and disappointed too. But atleast they let you know. Your wedding is this weekend! Brush it off and focus on more important things. Don't let this drive you crazy, especially so close to your big day. It's not worth the aggravation.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Hope your wedding is awesome

staceytaylor0704

another thing to think about is that they probably know you are busy getting ready for the wedding and may not have wanted to bother you by calling you..
but yea, I don't mind facebook messages- much prefer them actually. I don't like talking on the phone either.

mstar284

Glad I don't have Facebook. I know, I'm weird.

Lenore2010

I do not do e-mails for anything with less than three days time before the event I am talking about. If I am not coming or want people to come or want someone to know that the Purple Chipmunk band is in town on night X with less time than that to spare, I call. I think for a wedding or wedding related event I would always call even if it were a week or two out. 

I do send e-mails about a lot of stuff, but I try to keep in mind that some people hate their e-mail and check it infrequently-my DH is like that. E-mail or text  is not a way to communicate with him effectively.

Facebook has become a bastion for all kinds of abuses. I have moments where I just want to shut my account down.  

future.mrs.roy

Thanks again, everyone!! This has definitely helped chill me out, and now I'm able to focus on the fact we're getting married on Sunday, and no one and nothing is going to stand in our way - or put a damper on our day!

LoriAH11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebookemail-not-phone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3b5e0f19-b11e-4eb4-b3e5-08edd1860c2aPost:39d51d37-b196-4002-8db8-a4d617fbc2c1">Re: Facebook/email is not the phone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks again, everyone!! This has definitely helped chill me out, and now I'm able to focus on the fact we're getting married on Sunday, and no one and nothing is going to stand in our way - or put a damper on our day!
Posted by future.mrs.roy[/QUOTE]


If you have already accounted for the number of people with the caterers and vendors, of these people that aren't showing up, maybe use it as an opportunity to invite a couple of the people you really wanted to be there but just couldn't have due to the guest list constraint. I'm sure if they are a close enough friends they understand your situation and not take is as a "oh, so I'm last resort getting an invite".  Although, just a couple days out from the wedding, I can totally understand why you wouldn't even want to start in on that.