wwyd

jlw1492

I'm close with one of my best friend's family.  I invited them to my wedding, and FI and I had decided no children.  Well, that didn't seem to be an issue.  A few weeks ago, I saw sister and she said "I sent my response, it says three because we're bringing the baby".  Friend said that she spoke to her sister about it.  I hadn't said anything at that point because I was floored since she knew.  A friend of mine isn't able to travel because she has no one to watch her baby.  I wasn't about to make exceptions for one and not the other.

I thought the situation had been dropped.  Now, 9 days out, I found out that she still intends to bring the baby.  There are people coming who found sitters and now I'm about to look like an idiot to them.  How do I address this without coming off as nasty?  She had someone to watch the baby, then decided she felt more comfortable bringing her.

ETA: I even offered to hire a sitter to be there that night to make it a little easier.

Blueyed228

This is a very sticky topic on here and you are going to get a variety of responses.

Is your wedding somewhere people have to travel?

jasmineh7777

I don't think there is much you can do at this point. If everyone else doesn't bring their children, they will probably figure out that this woman ignored your request.

sytom

Wow, that's a tough one !  I think you need to explain it to her pretty much like you did in your post.  Granted, it won't be a pleasant conversation !  Like you said, it's not right to your other guests except if the baby is a few weeks old and she still nursing.  In that case, I think everyone would understand. 

MISSCOURTNEY20

I really think you need to call her and tell her that you guys really don't want children there. When you tell her, have the babysitter info available, HTH

jlw1492

That's the thing, I DID offer the babysitting service.  Gah.  Small details I probably won't notice in 9 days.  However, I hope no one else is upset with us because she chose not to pay attention to this.  Thanks, ladies!!

desertsun

You have a couple options.

Call her. "I'm sorry but our wedding is adults only. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience for you and completely understand if you decide not to attend."

Leave it alone and hope your other friends have the good sense to realize this person ignored your request.

Decide which option is the least objectionable, and go with it.

FWIW, my boss wrote her toddler in on her RSVP. And since she's my boss, I didn't feel like I could tell her not to bring him. He roamed all over during the ceremony, but wasn't overly distracting or loud. No one else said a word to me about their kids not being invited. So it might work out okay.

jlw1492

Yeah, we're renting from the parents of the baby and I just don't want to make things uncomfortable.  She's a relatively quiet baby and I'm sure I won't even notice that day.  I suppose I'm just going to suck it up because I don't want to make waves.  I guess I should spend my time worrying about finishing up all the little details.  I'm getting nervous.

MISSCOURTNEY20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwyd-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3b7f2fae-3e62-4b56-9c3a-2d86e3e548c7Post:7cf5c263-754f-49ed-8539-416d2ab7d153">Re: wwyd</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, we're renting from the parents of the baby and I just don't want to make things uncomfortable.  She's a relatively quiet baby and I'm sure I won't even notice that day.  I suppose I'm just going to suck it up because I don't want to make waves.  I guess I should spend my time worrying about finishing up all the little details.  I'm getting nervous.
Posted by jlw1492[/QUOTE]

Oh well since she is the landlord, suck it up and move on to something else to be nervous about. LOL!! You probably won't even notice and I hope no one will say anything to you on your wedding day.

tidetravel

It's generally recommended that a newborn/breastfeeding infant is the exception to the no kids rule

Many breastfeeding mothers cannot leave their children with a sitter, as would be the case with older children.  Suggesting that she can "just pump" and leave the baby at home is an ignorant suggestion on the part of the person making it, for several reasons.  1)  many women can't pump, period.  2)  unless you have an overactive supply, one cannot pump enough in a pumping session to cover one feeding.  3) if a mother is actively breastfeeding, she would need to either nurse or pump when the baby is supposed to be feeding.  It's much less PC for mom to hook her boobs up to a pump in the middle of a reception than it is to nurse a baby.

There are usually two reasons that people cite for not inviting babies, and they both tend to be non-issues.
1)  the baby will disrupt the ceremony.  In many cases, it's older children that are more at risk of disrupting a ceremony.  Sure, babies cry, but they also sleep 80% of the day.  If a baby does start to cry, many parents have the sense to remove them from the situation.
2)  other guests will be offended if they see the baby there, but had to make other arrangements for their own kids.  Guests that have children of their own should understand why a breastfeeding infant would be an exception.     

FWIW - it's 9 days out.  If she brings the baby, she brings the baby.  If anyone says anything, which I doubt they will, simply tell them that they brought the baby unannounced. 

noodle_oo

Yeah, I really wouldn't worry about it.  Your other friends will probalby realize she brought the baby without asking/permission.  Your other friends may also really enjoy the night out away from their kids, so not even care.  The baby will most like be unnoticeable at the reception (the babies at ours were).  At 9 days out, it is not worth the stress of an uncomfortable phone call (especailly with your landlords family), so just let it go.  You'll feel better once you realize you can't control it and let it go. 

Best of luck to you!  That last week is stressful, but it will all be worth it!!