The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

[Deleted User]

Your turn.

What are your favorite funny quotes? Double points for anything by Jack Handy.

laurenclaire1386

Jane, you ignorant slut.

[Deleted User]

Sticks and stones my break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls.

jajph1974

Look kids! Big Ben. Parliament.

That's all I've got 

anna.oskar

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”

Timothy Leary

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_last-time-heard-laughed-hard-fell-off-dinosaur?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c286e79-661d-4a84-8dd7-ddd1977a65caPost:f2c87af8-32e0-4149-872e-59aea60f653b">Re: The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.</a>:
[QUOTE]Look kids! Big Ben. Parliament. That's all I've got  :(
Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]

I love that movie.

[Deleted User]

You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuuck!

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_last-time-heard-laughed-hard-fell-off-dinosaur?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c286e79-661d-4a84-8dd7-ddd1977a65caPost:4cc056b1-100b-4f95-9ff1-f0cafe741d78">Re: The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur. : I love that movie.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


I love all things Griswold

laurenclaire1386

Movie review of the Haunting in Connecticut. "What's scary about Connecticut? Losing your tennis racket in Pottery Barn?"

sarah0725

Katharine Hepburn: “I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man…I’ve just done what I damn well wanted to and I made enough money to support myself. And I ain’t afraid of being alone.”

Barbara Walters: “Is that why also you wear pants?”

Hepburn: “No, I just wore pants because they’re comfortable.”

Walters: “Do you ever wear a skirt, by the way?”

Hepburn: “I have one.”

Walters: “You have one.”

Hepburn: “I’ll wear it to your funeral.”

megk8oz

"I'm not bored. Everyone wants to be me!"

[Deleted User]

Sarah, that's the most amazing quote I've ever seen.

[Deleted User]

"Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings."

nda_roxybabe

Looks down under my picture.
Hilarious.

Blueyed228

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’.

sarah0725

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

dmiller9274

CEW, I officially love you.  I almost started a thread about Jack Handy the other day!!

"If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with lemons (maybe by shoving them down someones throat)"

amylydia23

I used to work with kids and this is by far one of my favs.  We were going over boys and girls (I worked with toddlers) so we would say, "Jack what are you?" and he would say, "A boy." Then we asked him, "What's daddy?" and he responds, "A boy."  Then we asked him what mommy was and he pauses.  We then reply, "Mommy is a girl."  He quickly says "Oh no, Mommy is the boss."

I miss those kids so much.

nda_roxybabe

Hey blue, I'm about to send you a PM, ok?

dmiller9274

I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

[Deleted User]

"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."

sarah0725

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

megk8oz

"What do you do when you have a problem?"

"Well, I've got this method-works every time. I go into a dark room, take off all my clothes and open all the windows ... no, wait, that's what I do when I get overheated. When I have a problem, I just go to pieces"

megk8oz

"It's pronounced 'nu-cue-lar'. The 's' is silent"

dmiller9274

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

tidetravel

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

George Carlin

sarah0725

ricksang

I  believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born

That always makes me laugh

ricksang

“Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.”

[Deleted User]

I love you ladies. Really. I do.

sarah0725

Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

-Groucho Marx