Seriously, who does that?? *RANT*

MaggieandJake

Sorry this is so long, if you want the short version, scroll to the bottom

A little background:  My FI does not have a lot of family actively involved in his life, (a grandma, 1 aunt, 2 uncles, and 2 cousins), but has always been very close to the family members who are, and has always regularly visited with his aunt and cousin.  I however, am not very close to his cousin, but regardless, attended her baby shower last fall and her bachelorette party last month because family is important to both of us and I love his, like I love my own.

So anyway, I was at my FIL's yesterday for our usual Sunday get together.  And we find out that FI's cousin (who's wedding we're attending next Saturday) was overheard telling her mom that she's wants to her plan her next pregnancy (she just had her first baby a couple months ago) so that she'll be due right around when our wedding is, just so that she "get out of going to it" (iour wedding is out of town and a 3.5 hour drive for them).   Seriously WHO DOES THAT?!?  It's one thing to not want to come.  I understand that it's a long drive, and it costs people money to travel to others' weddings and isn't always feasible.  BUT to plan a pregnancy as an excuse to get out of coming...

My FI and I talked about it after we found out and agreed that those who matter most to us and who we matter the most to, will find a way to come, or at least have the decency to let us know in person that they just won't be able to make it instead of concocting some scheme to "get out of it".  In any event if that's how her and her family really feel, I will be happy to save $200 by not having them there, and invite other guests who would be thrilled to attend.   Luckily we have GREAT group of friends whom we consider family so my FI (and I) will have plently of people who love and support him there.

Anyway, I just to RANT a little bit because I was just SO taken aback that anyone would actually say that and go through such lengths, especially a close family member.

Short Version:
My FI's cousin has made a plan to get pregnant and be due around the date of our wedding so that she can "get out of coming to it".

M&R7111

Short Version:
My FI's cousin has made a plan to get pregnant and be due around the date of our wedding so that she can "get out of coming to it".

So I only read this above.  Why doesn't she just RSVP with regrets?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Who does that?

No one I'd want at my wedding, I don't think.

MaggieandJake

my sentiments exactly.  And we're not supposed to know that she said this, but it was leaked by his uncle who was so annoyed by overhearing this.

It's one thing to think it, but to say it OUT LOUD at a family gathering is quite another.

katiewhompus

Well, first off you can't "plan" a pregnancy so that you will be due a certain month. It's not like a switch you can flip and magically be pregnant, and magically have the baby on your actual due date.

That being said, bringing a child into this world just to get out of a wedding is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. She could always say she had prior appointments, didn't have the finances, etc.

I would probably call her up and go "Hi Cousin, we heard a little rumor that you were trying to plan another pregnancy so that you could avoid going to our wedding. I do hope you realize you can always just say you can't make it and our feelings won't be hurt."

[Deleted User]

That's weird, and rude to say where everyone could here. If she really is doing that, at least you don't have to worry about someone like her at your wedding.

kimmieniesink

Well if this is how she wants to spread her children out so be it, and if she chooses to do this and not attend the wedding because of it - then that is her decision and sadly there is nothing you can do about it except vent to us here! I totally get that upset feeling, and hope that whatever happens you will be happy with the end result.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I would never even THINK something like that.  At least not seriously!

You should just congratulate her on her "impending" pregnancy, and then casually say that since she's not going to make it to your wedding then the least she can do is name that child after you.  Or your fiance.  Depending on its sex

goheels05

What KatieWhompus said.

I'm a passive-aggressive biitch and would probably say "I overheard you were joking about trying to have a baby to get out of going to our wedding.  Don't flatter yourself.  Save us the $200 it would cost to have your unhappy ass there and RSVP no."

prideeinpynk

I read bits and pieces, but is it possible she was joking with her mom, and it just happened to be that she wanted to have another child around that time anyway? I think you're taking it too personal and being a little self absorbed, and it's kind of weird to assume she was being serious. Most peoples' lives will not revolve around your wedding.

Celles

Can you imagine explaining that to your children someday?

"We tried for years to have your brother Tommy.  He was such a blessing!  But you, Anna -- you were our opt-out for Cousin Maggie's wedding!  You saved us $300 in airfare and the cost of a toaster."

M&R7111

I hope she doesn't use this plan to get out of every event she doesn't want to attend!
College can be expensive!

MaggieandJake

HAHA. thank goodness I can vent at a place like this where other people get it and don't think I'm being a whiny B*tch.  I think it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, espcially since she can't even take care of baby #1 without her mom at her every beck and call.   

At this point, I'm thinking why bother even sending an invite....but of course I'm will because I refuse to stoop to that level in practice, even if I'm not against it in theory LOL.  We're also a good 11 months out from wedding, so who knows what will happen between now and then.  

The hard part is going to be gritting my teeth and smiling/congratulating her when I attend her wedding on Saturday. 

katiewhompus

Also, if your wedding really is in June 2011 (according to your bio which aren't always correct) she only has the next two months for that to be her due date.

Also, and this is majorly giving her the benefit of the doubt without knowing her personality or your relationship with her, having children that are a little over a year apart is what most people I've talked to want to do with multiple children.
Maybe she has always planned on having kids at that interval and was using your wedding as a way to tell her mom she was planning on having a second to gauge her reaction?
Could she have been half joking about it?

deepcovejackie

I'd probably clear that up with the cousin, and have the conversation with her that Katie suggested above.  First make sure you heard it right, and that she wasn't joking.

Otherwise yeah, that sucks.

goheels05

Even if she was joking, it was a nasty thing to say.  You can joke about when you try to get pregnant (like if I said "I'm going to get pregnant in May so that next year I will get out of tax season!") but you don't joke about trying to "get out of" going to someone's wedding and expect that to not hurt someone's feelings if they found out.

vegasgroom

I've heard of people having kids to get out of having to work for a living, but not to get out of attending a wedding. LOL

prideeinpynk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_seriously-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:410e09b0-cc35-4449-8cc6-2ebd012ccfcfPost:d0db53f5-b74b-4f1d-9180-f1df9f287dd5">Re: Seriously, who does that?? *RANT*</a>:
[QUOTE]Even if she was joking, it was a nasty thing to say.  You can joke about when you try to get pregnant (like if I said "I'm going to get pregnant in May so that next year I will get out of tax season!") but you don't joke about trying to "get out of" going to someone's wedding and expect that to not hurt someone's feelings if they found out.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Meh, maybe, maybe not. She might have been truely joking, and it's not a slight on OP but instead on weddings in general. Some people have the idea that weddings are boring in the first place.

ETA: Not that I'm saying I feel that way about weddings. Obviously.

ETA x 2: And this post was meant to be comforting, if you will, to OP, that maybe it wasn't a jab at HER wedding.

MaggieandJake

Pride:
I'm not assuming everyone will drop what they are doing for my wedding in the least, especially because it's out of town for a lot of our guests.   And yes, I do know that they were wanting to have another kid relatively close to the first one, and so the timing does work well for them.  However, from what I understand it was not said in a way that was joking.  This is also not the first time that this said cousin has been snarky towards family.  I just know how important family is to my FI and even though he won't say it out loud, I think it kind of bums him out that he doesn't have a lot of family to come support our wedding.

And, I do know that this is one little detail that is not worth getting worked up over, but sometimes it's just nice to vent.

goheels05

I see what you are saying.  Plus some people have no tact. 

prideeinpynk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_seriously-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:410e09b0-cc35-4449-8cc6-2ebd012ccfcfPost:2cd74647-391f-4d33-a93a-0239ec91fe74">Re: Seriously, who does that?? *RANT*</a>:
[QUOTE]Pride: I'm not assuming everyone will drop what they are doing for my wedding in the least, especially because it's out of town for a lot of our guests.   And yes, I do know that they were wanting to have another kid relatively close to the first one, and so the timing does work well for them.  However, from what I understand it was not said in a way that was joking.  This is also not the first time that this said cousin has been snarky towards family.  I just know how important family is to my FI and even though he won't say it out loud, I think it kind of bums him out that he doesn't have a lot of family to come support our wedding. And, I do know that this is one little detail that is not worth getting worked up over, but sometimes it's just nice to vent. :)
Posted by MaggieandJake[/QUOTE]

Understandable. Just trying to play the other side, and make sure you don't judge her too harshly for the wrong reasons. It's hard to understand someone's true intentions through second hand gossip. But if it really was meant to be snarky, judge away. :)

MaggieandJake

It very well could have just been "funny" comment made in passing and I'll never really know since I didn't hear it first hand.  Either way, it still sucks to hear.  Regardless, I know that we'll have a great time celebrating with whomever makes it and that in the end it's just 1 day.

prideeinpynk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_seriously-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:410e09b0-cc35-4449-8cc6-2ebd012ccfcfPost:f196bedf-6655-4a91-bb99-3e3b6d1a2bed">Re: Seriously, who does that?? *RANT*</a>:
[QUOTE]It very well could have just been "funny" comment made in passing and I'll never really know since I didn't hear it first hand.  Either way, it still sucks to hear.  Regardless, I know that we'll have a great time celebrating with whomever makes it and that in the end it's just 1 day.
Posted by MaggieandJake[/QUOTE]


Agreed! And I bet you'll have a wonderful time. :D

I ruined the fun with this thread. haha

katiewhompus

Hmm I'm also wondering (again giving benefit of the doubt) if what she said was more along the lines of

"I hope I'm pregnant and due by Pink's wedding" not even thinking of skipping the wedding but just picking a family event that's a year away.

scoetto

What a cuntface. People like that are despicable. I have an in-law or three who are just as bad or even worse. Don't let it get to you. And be thankful you won't have to feed her AND her tummy at your wedding.

arv266

People say stupid stuff daily... what I don't get are those who feel the need to run and tell others about what they have heard.  What good did it serve to actually tell you and your FI this?  No one plans a pregnancy to get out of attending a wedding!  If it was said, it was an idiotic thing to say.  Repeating it to you was moronic and childish.    However, people do enjoy to stir things up, and this is what is happening here.  Whomever heard it should have kept it to themselves. 

Be the bigger, classier, person and ignore it. 

scoetto

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_seriously-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:410e09b0-cc35-4449-8cc6-2ebd012ccfcfPost:8b29cd65-bd2f-47c9-b07b-154647242ff2">Re: Seriously, who does that?? *RANT*</a>:
[QUOTE]People say stupid stuff daily... what I don't get are those who feel the need to run and tell others about what they have heard.  What good did it serve to actually tell you and your FI this?  No one plans a pregnancy to get out of attending a wedding!  If it was said, it was an idiotic thing to say.  Repeating it to you was moronic and childish.    However, people do enjoy to stir things up, and this is what is happening here.  Whomever heard it should have kept it to themselves.  Be the bigger, classier, person and ignore it. 
Posted by arv266[/QUOTE]

I agree. 100%.

MaggieandJake

I agree I probably would have been better off not knowing.  And his aunt and cousins have become somewhat of the black sheep of the family.  His uncle (her brother) was already annoyed that they acted as if they were doing everyone some huge favor by showing up to the family get together and hustled to leave as soon as they eaten lunch.  He made this big deal about "should I, shouldn't I tell them", that in the end he had no choice but to tell us.
I really only get to see one side and do hear a lot of talking from the majority of his other family members.  But from my personal experiences, they really aren't all the welcoming, haven't cared to actually get to know me (they didn't know until last year that I'm from MN), and his aunt has called me by his ex's name on more than one occasion (we're both Asian) several years (meaning 4-5)after we started dating. Just a little annoying. 

Jelenny

pretty big commitment instead of saying...sorry we can't come

lkpeaocck

If she does get pregnant, I personally hope (for your sake) that that child is the antichrist himself. Serves her right.

MaggieandJake

haha, all of you have made me feel so much better-I really don't even care anymore.  Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest-and to people who aren't involved in the slightest. 

All I can say now is, if what she said has any validity, her loss, not mine, I have bigger fish to fry-such as planning!