So, what's changed?

[Deleted User]

No. This is not the thread you think it is.

Number got me thinking. What views do you have now that you didn't have before TK?

For me, I don't think any of mine have completely changed, but I'm just much more aware of things now. I guess I always knew it was rude to bring kids when they weren't invited, but I'm not sure that I knew they were to be name explicitly on the invite. I also wouldn't have thrown up at the thought of a cash bar. Not that I wouldn't have been a little weirded out, but I don't know that I would have been all YOU SUCK about it.

Nebb

I realize now its probably a good idea to run your guest past the couple if it isnt who they "expect" you would bring, I know that you ALWAYS ALWAYS rsvp ahead of time no questions asked or suffer the wrath of your friend (before, I couldnt care less), I know that you send thank you cards out within 2 months MAX or look like a major douche hat.

Steph0871

I honestly did not know cash bars were a bad thing.  I've never been to a wedding with a full open bar (until ours, but we couldn't sell alcohol, so we provided beer and wine, and plenty of it.)

I also never would have had colored shoes with my wedding dress.

I probably wouldn't have finished my thank-you cards so quickly either.

Chi_Chi

I never realized that dollar dances were considered tacky.They are totally normal here and people specifically have cash on hand for them. But, I realize that it has been agreed upon that if it is normal in your circle, it's NBD.

pixiedust84

I just read the passive aggressive thread and I totally did guess what this thread was about. I'm awesome.

I guess what's changed for me is I realized that weddings I've been in/been to in the past had ettiquette breaches but I didn't know it at the time. For example - not asking budgets before assigning BM dresses, sending out registry cards with the invitations, having the BM's gift be something for the wedding. I thought those things always happened. Although it's funny because even before TK I decided not to do those things because they did bug me. I just didn't know it was a more common no no.

number55

I also had NO idea how many people cared about HM registries or Stag and Doe's (very common in my area)...or let's just say any type of 'fundraising' of any sort...None of these bug me in the least though (I didn't do anything of the kind though).

There is a whole slew of things that I would call TK wedding sins that I couldn't care less about though. 

[Deleted User]

I think I've kind of come full circle on the open bar / dollar dance / HM registry type stuff. I had never really considered them before TK because I had no experience with them. Then, after I realized what they were, I was all "WHAT? THIS HAPPENS?" about them and got all uppity and tight assed about asking guests shell out $ at your wedding. And now, I just don't care. I think that if it's normal in your circle, who cares?

number55

oh Pixie...the BM gift not being WR...that is one I totally didn't know either. I ended up paying for a LOT of stuff for our WP but we were really really happy to be able to do that. I wish I could have paid for their dresses.

Nebb

In Response to Re: So, what's changed?:
[QUOTE]I never realized it was a BFD to ask you parents if they planned to contribute to the wedding budget.  I didn't see it as asking for money, but just as a way to plan accordingly. After reading stuff here, we decided not to ask our parents.  Over the course of our planning, they have offered to pick up the costs of some things.  (My parents paid for my dress/alterations and FIs parents are covering the RD).
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
This, though I did ask my mom and dad. They had expressed in the past they intended to, so I just asked. It didnt seem WRONG to me.

[Deleted User]

Oh yeah. And I didn't know it wasn't cool to talk about contributions with your parents. I totally did. It wasn't as much about asking for money as it was about planning if that makes any sense.

And I would have gotten all of my BMs the same thing too. I'm so glad I didn't.

pixiedust84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:f72cc4f1-f955-4da4-8534-d2f3c01b03a9">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]I also had NO idea how many people cared about HM registries or Stag and Doe's (very common in my area)...or let's just say any type of 'fundraising' of any sort...None of these bug me in the least though (I didn't do anything of the kind though).<strong> There is a whole slew of things that I would call TK wedding sins that I couldn't care less about though. </strong>
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

I totally agree.

number55

We didn't so much ask my dad as allow him to ask us about it. Quite soon after we got engaged (like a day) he said he needed to know the date ASAP to book it off work (he is a doctor with lots of on calls). I told him that would be tough to do since we had NO idea what the wedding was going to 'look like' yet since we had not discussed our budget (as a couple). The next day I got an email outlining what he wanted to cover. Within the month DHs parents also broached the topic. I might have asked my dad eventually but I kinda knew he would just offer to pay for at least some portion of it. I wouldn't have been upset if he hadn't have given us anything and I had no idea what they could afford to give but I knew something would be offered. 

leayn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:8ba5806f-6725-4bbe-9a6e-9b1281b58ccc">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]After a while I just let it go and told them to get something in the color they were designated that is inspired by their element.
Posted by amber2123[/QUOTE]

What does this mean?

Steph0871

Yeah. we kind of talked to my dad, but only because he mentioned wanting to know how much he should plan on paying.  We settled on him 1/2, us 1/4, and my mom about 1/4.  He had said a long time ago that he wanted to pay for most of my wedding though, and my sisters.  

My BMs were in matching dresses. I never requested it, they all decided on the same dress, but I'm glad they did. I think it looks better when they do match.

Chi_Chi

I'm jumping the WP WR gifts. I didn't realize that wasn't normal. But then again, I think a lot of these things are totally dependant on where you are from. Obviously.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:9100b01d-be37-4be7-8285-4a40cd6c2e1a">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, what's changed? : What does this mean?
Posted by leayn[/QUOTE]

I think it means they let some dowsing rods and a donkey named Felix make the decision.

Chi_Chi

I never expected my parents NOT to pay for my wedding. The thought of paying for it myself never crossed my mind.

K Byte

I didn't know people felt so strongly about gaps between ceremony and reception (that is not having a gap, haha). I live in a pretty heavily Catholic area with lots of very observant family members/friends and so a ceremony at, say, 2 PM and a reception starting at 6 PM is very common, dare I say "normal" ;-) Before I started reading TK I had no idea people would probably frown on that!

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:2cd31507-ad83-46fb-be3e-2d74a1903a90">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah. we kind of talked to my dad, but only because he mentioned wanting to know how much he should plan on paying.  
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

<div>yeah, that was a huge part of it for us too. I think my father's first question was: how much does a wedding cost. I kinda laughed and said that it depended on what kind of wedding you had. He explained what he wanted (full plated dinner) and asked how much it would be pp. We told him an average based on our area and then he asked how many guests. We set a limit right then which pretty much set the budget in terms of what he would be paying (edit: for the portions he paid for, he didn't pay for the whole shebang, but a lot still).</div>

leayn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:2d57d4fd-d7d7-457a-8e18-79ffc4646f42">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, what's changed? : I think it means they let some dowsing rods and a donkey named Felix make the decision.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Ahhhh of course!  That makes sense.

I learned there are 51893 items to do before my wedding and I am overdue on 420 of them.

amber2123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:9100b01d-be37-4be7-8285-4a40cd6c2e1a">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, what's changed? : What does this mean?
Posted by leayn[/QUOTE]
It's a Wiccan ceremony and each one of my BM are standing at a "corner" and each corner has it's own element.  North=Earth=Green, South=Fire=Red, East=Air=Yellow, West=Water=Blue.  My MOH is spirit and she's wearing purple.

leayn

Oooooh!  That makes sense then.

amber2123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats-changed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:46155207-d74a-4ac1-9c49-1b4dfe9b1752Post:3163e0d8-9b2c-43a5-82fc-dfb1767ffd41">Re: So, what's changed?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oooooh!  That makes sense then.
Posted by leayn[/QUOTE]
More than the donkey theory?

leayn

LOL I can't compare.  That was a good one too, but clearly that logic had flaws.

[Deleted User]

NO! Nothing makes more sense than Felix. Ever.

amber2123

Well to be fair, my bagpiper will ride Felix when leading my SD and I in.

[Deleted User]

Oh wow. That sounds awesome. I hope your bagpiper is playing The Devil Went Down to GA. That's Felix's favorite song.

amber2123

We're debating between that and Black Betty, I know he likes both.

Marrin713

From 1979 1st wedding to 2010 second wedding = oy the changes!  The basics were essentially the same but I learned about:

favors
cash bars (not an option back in the olden days)
photo booths
bridesmaids in different colors/dresses
uneven sides
bridal shoes other than white
new & creative photography options - love all of the pics I see on here!
different reception type/venue ideas
tiered receptions (xH and I tried to have one back then and mom disallowed - now I realize how tacky it would have been)

The list could go on and on.  It's a brave new wedding world   Thanks for the education, ladies.

ETA:  and the word "douche" being used for something other than its original meaning

katiewhompus

I never knew that weddings had open bars or that it was considered the proper thing to do. The only weddings I'd been to were dry, and the ones my friends had been to were cash bars. I just figured if you want to drink you pay for it, nbd.

I'm much better at rsvp'ing now. I don't know why but I always assumed that if they person never heard back they knew I wasn't coming. Now I know how annoying that is and always rsvp as soon as I get the invite for anything.

I now get thank you notes. I sent them out because it was the right thing to do, but hated it the entire time. Why spend money on a note someone is going to just glance at and then toss? Waste of time and waste of money.
But I still haven't received a thank you note from my friend's wedding that was in early August and am now wondering if she got my present or not.

Lenore2010

I decided to seat everyone at our wedding even though we were a tiny group and the ceremony was 15 minutes - I had to admit doing otherwise was rude even though I have stood for more than one outdoor wedding.

I LOVED being validated here on cash bars, dollar dances and wishing wells. Cash bars are very popular here and I never liked them. 

I agree with Number, though there is a bunch of Knot stuff I don't care about. Honestly, I think some of it is outdated BUT I will always defend TK as a place to get frank opinions and a complete understanding of wedding etiquette.